Tear In My Heart (We're Tearing Apart)

Chapter 1 Chapter Text

The lineup of people was impressive, or, maybe it wasn’t? You hadn’t been to a Twenty One Pilots concert before, or any concert really. What was there to compare it to?

Despite the nippy chill of the LA morning fog that had layered itself comfortably over the entrance to the venue and streets earlier, the sun had finally come out. It beat hard on the line beneath its rays, but the chill of the wind kept it pleasant enough. Everyone sat in line and talked eagerly with their neighbors. Laughter and joyous chattering filled the skyline against the morning traffic of the nearby freeway, a white noise backdrop to the tittering around everyone. The attitude, so upbeat and vibrant, made you feel a little more at ease as you sat in the line by yourself, cross legged and leaning on the palm of your hand. Your eyes passed over each member of the crowd. People young and old seemed to be ready to enjoy the band, not just the friend who brought you here. They all seemed so…happy.

You wondered what that was like, feeling something so intense for something as simple as music.

It wasn’t that you disliked Twenty One Pilots. You had heard Car Radio enough times in shops to know the lyrics pretty recognizably, but they weren’t a band you went out of your way to listen to. Not like the friend who had dragged you to the concert as her buddy in the first place, whose walls were decorated with posters of the band. Her arm sported a Vessel-themed tattoo in honor of Tyler Joseph himself. She had been a fan since that album, she had told you, and for as long as you had known her she had simply been in love with their music. Their lyrics. Their everything. You were surprised when she had asked you to be her buddy at the local concert up in Hollywood, the last show of their tour for the foreseeable future according to her, but you were honored she’d want to share the experience with you.

So you agreed to go. Perhaps it would get you more into the band anyways. It was something of a new experience, and you were usually up for trying anything at least once. If you didn’t like it, well, you could make up an excuse next time they went on tour and she asked again.

“Hey, sorry for taking so long!” Your friend’s chipper voice shattered the depth of your thoughts, bringing you back to reality. Looking up from where you were sitting, your friend stood over you with a wide smile on her lips, offering the coffee you had requested from her when she had decided to go to the nearby cafe for a pick-me-up.

“‘S fine,” You manage with a loose, exhausted tone, “Thanks.”

She frowned, sitting next to you as you sipped at your coffee, shutting your eyes and letting the hot mocha burn your tongue with the flavor of chocolate and almond milk. “Still not feeling good?” She asked, her voice laced with concern as she sipped her own iced coffee. You gave a half-hearted shrug and a smile in her direction. Your eyes drooped as a sense of exhaustion and vertigo overcame you for what must have been the fifth time since you had arrived at the venue.

If you were being honest, you felt horrible. The world spun and your body ached at its joints. Noises felt like they were bearing down on your head with the weight of a tank. You wanted to take a really, really long nap. You chalked it up to a night of restlessness, anxiety and excitement keeping you up for hours the previous evening. Nerves were strong things, especially when you were in a new environment.

“I’ll be fine.” You reassured her with a thumbs up, “Didn’t sleep well is all.”

“That’s fair.” She gave your back a gentle rub between the spine, and you relaxed a bit with a smile of thanks towards her. She smiled back, her impish grin impressive, “Besides, who knows, maybe you’ll meet your soulmate here?”

You screwed your face up as you took another sip of your coffee, eyeing the girl with a squinting glare. She only giggled through the straw of her own drink, twirling a strand of her long, sandy hair. You rolled your eyes as you pulled your drink away from your mouth. Not this again.

“If I do, I do. If I don’t, I don’t. I really don’t care.” You declared with a drawl to your statement, practiced and easy, out of your sleepy jaw. The truth was, yeah, you kind of cared a little bit. You hated the teasing. You hated the looks adults gave you when you told them. The constant reassurances. ‘Oh, don’t worry, you’ll find them!’

‘I’m sure they’re out there somewhere!’

‘Have you tried those online soulmate services yet? I heard they work.’

You would never understand why this world put so much emphasis on soulmates like that. You had heard about kids as young as three meeting their soulmates, and their parents took full advantage of that. You’ve heard of saddened people taking their own life because they had never met their soulmate or, worse, they were Separated. Yet, everyone seemed to appreciate the concept with far too much romanticism for its reality. Perhaps you were just a pessimist. Maybe you spent too much time lingering on reddit threads and twitter posts. Maybe, just maybe, you were the slightest bit bitter that you couldn’t get a decent set of benefits without the ‘soulmate’ box checked off in bright blue or black pen ink.

Whatever the reason, you weren’t going to go out of your way to look.

“What if it was someone famous, though?” You heard your friend insist, that dreamy quality of her voice picking up in a sweet tone. It was her daydream voice. You snorted, incredulous.

“Like who? Twenty One PIlots?” You joked, “I’m not sure their current soulmates would be a fan of that.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Your friend sighed in what was (almost) disappointment, “At least they’re cute together, right? Debby and Josh. Tyler and Jenna.”

“I’m sure.” You were disinterested in the lives of celebrities. They honestly deserved more privacy than most of the fans, intentional or not, gave them. You read gossip magazines, sure, but you never went out of your way for any real drama. Your friend rolled her eyes back, but dropped it as she read through her twitter feed. You finished up your mocha with a few more greedy gulps.

“Well, I’m not wrong.” Your friend returned with no malice to her tone.

“About the band and their soulmates or about me and the lack of mine?”

“Both!”

You nudged her with your foot as she laughed, a warm smile that was just so infectious you couldn’t stop your own. She always knew how to cheer you up. Really, you would go anywhere with her.

“Hey! Heads up,” The front of the line shouted back with a strength to their voice, “Entry’s in fifteen minutes!”

The statement made the line behind you scramble. People hopped to their feet. Bags were shrugged over shoulders. Those waiting for the sole purpose of taking the camping gear they had brought home wished their fellow concert-goers good luck and hopped on off. You stretched your arms as you stood up fully, your joints cracking as you groaned. The vertigo came back as you stood up, and your heartbeat was in your ears as you tried to focus back on the line that was inching forward eagerly.

“You sure you’re okay?” You heard your friend ask again, a tinge more worry to her voice than before. You simply smiled and nodded back at her in what you hoped was a somewhat reassuring way. You really couldn’t talk about it any further, not as the front security scanned your tickets and allowed you to enter into the venue. Bag check followed soon after, separating you and your friend for only a moment before reuniting you on the other side. She bounced eagerly to you, her smile palpable as she looked around. You were happy for her, really. The both of you followed the flow of the crowd towards the venue and into the pit, where your GA tickets placed you in the center of the second row of people. The barricade was practically palpable and you craned your neck up at the stage in awe at the setup the band had already prepared.

The air conditioned megaspace was a godsend on your clammy skin. You hoped you weren’t freaking anyone out with how sweaty you seemed to be. You had just been so warm. The sun didn’t help, but at least the space was ventilated with high enough ceilings. The crowd of people became tight quickly, though. Everyone pressed forward, eager to get as close to the barrier as they possibly could, the discussions around you growing more and more loud. Your head spun at all the noise, your eyes trying to focus on which way to go as your vertigo grew worse in one more, biting wave.

You shook your head and exhaled through your nose, rubbing your eyes for a second to clear the semi-blurry vision you held. Your friend had not noticed, it seemed, as she took in the venue and drumset with another member of the crowd. Everyone fed on each other’s excitement, building an impossibly warm climate of fandom. You thought it was sweet, in a strange way. Just as every fandom had its own little quirks, so did this community, but everyone had at least been kind. The smiles in line were genuine and each bump of a person was replied with a ‘sorry’ to whomever did it. You would have felt comfortable if not for the discomfort your own body seemed to be betraying you with.

The discomfort only faded with forgetfulness. As the lights dimmed and the area around the pit became just a little more chilled, the excited voices hollered and whooped towards the stage area. Your eyes peeled themselves away from your shaking hands and looked upwards as the openers to the band came on stage, their lips wide with an excitable grin. They eagerly introduced themselves, but you didn’t seem to hear their name. Before you knew it the pit was bouncing, moving, and swaying to the beat of a song you hadn’t heard before.

They weren’t bad, at least. Their songs were catchy and the crowd matched the energy they put out, eagerly screaming and singing along to lyrics they could pick up on (or knew if they were a fan). You found yourself smiling as you bounced along with the crowd to a particularly delightful beat, your body vibrating with energy even though you felt exhausted and all too warm. It didn’t seem to matter at any rate. This was what being part of a concert was about, right? The heat. The disorientation. The loud, blinding lights that screamed over the stage. It was excitement. It was everything, so you focused on it in such a way. Nothing would ruin tonight, you decided, and you needed to just get used to this.

Then the openers left, their set having the crowd properly excited for the leading act itself. You stood on the tips of your toes to see over a few of the taller people in front of you, biting your lip as you waited with everyone. They cheered at the empty stage with the hope that Twenty One Pilots would be drawn to come on sooner rather than later.

Then the lights dimmed. The opening of the concert pulled up, fog filling the stage as the two members were introduced after what felt like hours of anticipation. Well, you figured, you had been there since really early in the morning. Maybe it was hours of anticipation.

You hollered alongside everyone else, screaming with eagerness as the excitement of the crowd burned itself into your veins. Your voice soon died, however, as a startling pain echoed through your chest, moving down one of your arms and aching in the tips of your fingers. A pulsating numbness, a feeling like pins and needles, echoed across your skin, rippling it upwards and giving it goosebumps. You shivered, swallowing hard. Your throat was so damn dry, it almost hurt. Was this a heart attack? Were you somehow having a heart attack? You struggled to keep yourself standing and the lights were just. So. Bright.

You looked up, eyes swimming. Desperate to find your friend, or flag down a security guard. Something was happening. Something was just wrong. Your breath quickened, eyes scanning the crowd and-.

“C-an we get the lights, please?”

The softest, pained echo from a microphone called across the venue. The crowd hushed down, the cheering fading as concerned murmurs began to echo, rippling like a stream. The safety lights of the stage went up, and you winced at their blinding brightness. The voice was the lead singer - your friend said his name was Tyler Joseph? - you were sure of it. It had that same, cracked airiness to it you heard in what songs you listened to. You exhaled and looked up through the foggy, bright lights. The crowd had gone silent, the atmosphere had turned tense. Your own eyes gazed up in shock.

Tyler Joseph stood in the cent of the stage, a warm spotlight shining down over his form. The shine of his hair, smooth and brown, shimmered above him like a halo. An angel. The hand that had been holding the microphone was down at his side, but the other was held up to the light. It was there, visible as day: a long, thin strand of cool, blue thread that shimmered like spider silk in the beaming light. It extended from the very tip of his pointer finger on his right hand. His own eyes, awed and confused, followed it outwards into the crowd of people around him.

Everyone’s gaze followed Tyler’s. Eyes upon eyes tracked the thread, parting the way of it so that the singer could follow the thin strand from his spot up on the stage. A light followed along with it, keeping it illuminate. You, too, followed the strand curiously, confusion and pain making your eyebrows knit together. It was hard to concentrate. The world felt like it was weighing you down. You followed…and kept going…and it…

It ended. At you?

Chapter 2 Summary:

I'm not really going to add summaries or notes to this honestly. It's just a very long slow burn read so dabs have fun

Chapter Text

You stared forward in surprise. The crowd had parted. The spotlight settled onto you, making you wince. You held your right hand up to shield yourself from the brightness, but stopped as your eyes settled on your pointer finger. There, at the very tip of your finger pad, sprouted the thinnest line of blue silk you had ever seen. It followed the line of parted fans up to Tyler Joseph, connecting the both of you from beyond the barricade.

Your eyes met his and, even from the distance of the stage between the both of you, something just…clicked. Your mind settled and, for the first time that day, you felt your headache disappear. A fog lifted from your thoughts, just like the fog in the venue floated up through the ventilation shafts. You inhaled sharply, the breath easing your lungs rather than hurting them, and you saw Tyler’s own shoulders rise in a matching breath. You both held it there, savoring the oxygen.

When you exhaled out, he did the same, and for a moment the thread between the two of you pulsated, pricking your finger like a needle for only one singular second. It was as if something inside of your body was confirming your reaction. Your heart felt full and you were almost certain the floor beneath you had disappeared. You were walking on air now, especially as your legs carried you forward through the parted crowd of people around you. You didn’t feel any of their eyes as they followed your movements, some in shock and others in confusion. Some a mix of both. You saw none of it.

You reached the barricade before you could stop yourself, pressing into the cool metal bars with a surprise jolt. You didn’t dare tear your eyes away from Tyler Joseph, though, not as his own gaze began to fill with something very akin to the desperation you felt. More. Your brain hurt.

More.

I need more of you.

Your thoughts ate away at the hunger in your stomach, sharing its feast of coffee and a single fruit roll up.

A security guard finally slid to your side, looking up at Tyler and then to the thread between you both. As if confirming something to himself, he opened up the unconnected part of the barricade wall before you, the metal creaking as it was shifted from its position as a makeshift fence. Tyler had already made it to the edge of the stage, where he squatted down at the edge closest to the audience. As close as he could get. The tips of his smooth, clean shoes teetered off the edge and he bit his lip as he watched you approach him.

You stared at the stage. It felt like a mountain as you reached its edge, but you only needed to touch him. To confirm something.

So you held your right pointer finger up, showing him the shimmering thread. Your eyes were wide, a foggy confusion filling your thoughts as he got on his stomach. Shimmying up, he leaned as far off the stage as the position would let him, reaching his own right pointer finger out to you.

The shimmering thread grew shorter and shorter the closer the both of you had gotten to one another. Your finger pulsated, numb like a shot at the doctor’s office. The fading burn soon warmed into an indescribable heat. You stood on the tips of your toes, biting your lip as you tried to make yourself taller.

After what felt like hours of trying, you gasped as your fingers touched together for the first time.

Butterflies erupted into your stomach. They flowed up into your lungs, wrapping around the flesh and floating further up into your throat. You gasped, audible and amazed. You held no other feeling but genuine surprise and, also, fear. Fear floated into your body like you had never felt before. It invaded every one of your bones, biting into the flesh and ripping the butterflies in your stomach apart like ravenous dogs. Tears welled in your eyes. The lights around you flashed, sparkled, and audible murmurs, gasps, and shocked amazement from the audience. Everything became overwhelming again. The world burned to look at, even if all you could focus on were the knit together brows of the singer on stage. Your brows mimicked them soon after. Why was he so concerned?

You startled back into reality as his hand grabbed you around your wrist. You looked up, biting your lip as you whimpered. His touch burned your skin. It was a searing heat, like you had placed it on a stove. You shivered without meaning to, and his grip tried to tighten through his own gentle trembling.

“Please,” He spoke, but you knew only you and him could hear the words without the microphone, “Let’s get you up here, okay?”

You could only nod. Tyler gestured beyond you, bringing the security guard over. He trotted by, watching for a moment as Tyler did his best to heave you up. You exhaled, grabbing the edge of the stage and placing one foot on the walled side of it, dragging yourself upwards with the singer’s help. A hand was placed on your other leg and you were lifted up, able to get a steady grip on the surface as you hauled yourself to the stage. You stumbled poorly up onto the grand venue, every light on you and Tyler Joseph now as you and him held your arms together on stage, and just…stared.

“...You’re…” You couldn’t dare utter the words as you looked up at him. He was taller than you, but not by a horrible amount. You came up to his neck at best, the cool difference making his pained gaze down at you all the more challenging to stare back at. His hand gripped your arm tighter, just slightly, and his frown was so chilling on his lips. He almost looked like he was sad. Was he sad?

“Why did you come?”

His words stung your heart, and his sudden change in expression mirrored yours before he could stop it. You both watched one another for a long moment, your breath quickening the longer you stood on stage. Your eyes finally tore away from his own to stare over across the crowd of people. They all watched the both of you, the jumbo screen that was supposed to display the band singing now displayed you. It displayed the look on your face, pained, shocked and panicked. Your cheeks reddened in embarrassment, realizing just how many people could see you in this moment you had always heard would be soft and tender. Sweet and surprising, a meet-cute not a nightmare.

Breathing became hard. You had to take short, sharp breaths to even feel like you were inhaling properly. Your limbs started to go numb as your eyes darted around the stage floor, trying to find something - anything - to focus on that wasn’t yourself on that giant screen. An echo of pain lunged into your heart and you slowly realized that this was the beginning of a panic attack. It made your palms grow sweatier. You started to breathe faster as the intensity of the feeling began to overcome you.

A hand on your body startled you out of your trance, the grip solid and grounding as you looked up. Tyler stared back at you, something solemn and concerned in his gaze.

“It’s okay, hey, you’re okay.” He murmured, but the words were barely heard over the sound of the heartbeat in your ears. He enveloped you, his back facing the audience, pushing you away from the cameras glaring up at you like an angry mob. Your head spun, but your feet trusted his movements as he began to gently push you deeper into the stage. You let him, too overwhelmed to fight it as you stared down numbly at the floor below you, aching. Pained. You were struggling to breathe and, from the sound Tyler was making just faintly at your ear, he was too.

Eventually the two of you made your way off stage, the crowd echoing with murmurs and shocked gasps, some ‘boo’s even made their way over the acoustics. Something flared up in you, frustrated and angry, but it died down as a worry overtook you shortly after. Your emotions jostled you back and forth like a rollercoaster as you were dragged down and out of the ventilated space of the venue floor and into the back rooms, reserved only for performers and staff. Were you supposed to be here? You were neither of those things, yet, as Tyler’s hand squeezed your shoulder, you felt the thought float far away from your mind.

A door opened, and you were gently led into a room with a couch, a vanity, and a few other miscellaneous objects littered around the space alongside red bull cans and chips. The Green Room, you realized in surprise as the quiet, compact space overtook you and your shoulders slumped with relief. Tyler had pulled you from the stage and brought you back to his green room. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and your chest burned with relief. You slumped down onto the couch and leaned forward, burying your face in your hands as you let out a second shaky, pained breath. You tried hard not to let it turn into a panic attack fully, trying to remember what those damn stupid ass breathing exercises were and-.

“Hey, hey.”

A grip on both your shoulders. Your head shot up, eyes wide and filled with tears you didn’t realize you had, but they dared not fall. Tyler’s face was close to yours, his brows knit with concern. His lips were drawn between his teeth and your eyes tapered briefly to the black paint over his jugular. You watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. Your eyes shifted back to his, then down again, unable to look him in the eye as you bit your own lip in a mirror of his motions.

“Take a deep breath with me, okay? Match it.” Tyler’s voice was a hoarse whisper, barely there. You couldn’t manage a nod, but you didn’t need to. Tyler began to breathe in slowly and you followed after. You breathed in with him for three seconds. He held his breath, and so did you. Another three seconds passed and he exhaled, you followed. Three seconds. You repeated this with him for several more three second intervals until you could finally, finally, feel your heartbeat slow down in your chest and leave your eardrums in peace.

Relief washed over you, a sense of exhaustion following suit as your limbs reminded you of their existence and weight all at once. You slumped backwards into the couch, your eyes fluttering shut as you tried to exist within your own mind as best as you could. You felt a nervous, shaky rise and fall in your chest still, which caused you to tremble as Tyler’s eyes searched your body for any residual signature of a panic attack. Once he found none, he exhaled again with relief.

“Can you talk?” Tyler whispered, as if raising his voice might startle you. He was probably right. You tried to open your mouth. To speak. To say anything. Your words ended at your jugular, though, and you swallowed back another wave of painful anxiety before shaking your head ‘no’. He nodded, understanding in his eyes. He did not judge, only sympathized. You could feel it rolling in waves off of his body and his hand reached out, curiously flipping over to reveal his right fingers to you.

You stared down at the silvery-blue thread that shimmered out the tip. It was the first time you registered seeing the thing this close and in detail. The contrast of its lightness to the black paint of his hands made it all the more obvious. It looked like a single thread of string, something you’d embroider or sew with, but it shimmered with a near ethereal presence. Occasionally a glittery silver edge of it would catch the light, sending a pulsation of icy blue light down and to your own finger. You held out your right hand as well, showing the way the end of his thread pushed its way into the tip of your own finger, connecting the both of you fully.

Sealing your fates, you thought with a tinge of bitterness.

“I…” Tyler’s voice was strained as he spoke, “Didn’t think…I’d ever meet my…”

He hesitated, the word feeling too heavy. Too real, in a way. You shivered slightly, pulling your hand away from his and clenching your first close to your chest, bringing your knees up as well and curling in as close to yourself as possible, staring between your knees. You bit your lip, and he pulled his own hand away after a second of hesitation.

Suddenly the door to the room was knocked on, a desperate and hurried sound. Tyler pulled away from you and stood up, moving to rub his eye for a moment before remembering he had black pain on his fingers and pulled away with a wince. “Come in.” He finally managed, loud enough for those on the other side to hear him.

The door swung open the moment he ended the sentence. Josh Dun and another man you didn’t recognize fully entered with a speedy walk towards the two of you. Josh rushed in first, his eyes wide with concern as he stared at Tyler. The other man shut the door behind him, and you watched them as they stood at Tyler’s side with obvious concern (and an edge of terror) in their gaze.

“How’s the-” Tyler began, but the Not Josh Man cut him off quickly to answer the question he knew the singer was going to ask.

“Security’s managing the crowd right now, the lights are up and we’re citing some difficulties, but, at this point they’re rowdy and most of them know what’s happening.” The man exhaled after rapidly firing his answer, looking at Tyler, “What do you want to do?”

“If we need to cancel the show, I’m sure they’ll-” Josh began, but Tyler made an incredulous noise.

“What? No way, we’re not canceling.”

“Well, can you play given the situation?” The other guy gestured to you, making you flinch, “A fresh new soulmate isn’t the easiest thing to handle at the same time.”

“Mark’s right,” Josh spoke, giving you the name of the stranger in the process, “When Debby and I found out we had to stay side-by-side for four days, Ty. Even then we felt sick only a few feet apart.”

Tyler’s hesitation was obvious and, oh, you could feel an unfair rage bubble up in the pit of your stomach. It was an angry, building thing surrounded with frustration and annoyance. An annoyance you couldn’t help but believe was aimed at you. Especially as Tyler’s eyes shifted away from the other two and towards you. You locked your gaze with him for a few moments, finding a fire of something unreadable behind his furrowed brow as he all but glared down towards you. Unfairness sprung in your mind. This wasn’t your fault! Why was he looking at you like that? Like you somehow KNEW he’d be your soulmate. Like you somehow planned to sabotage the last show of his tour?

Your eyes began to water as the rage built up tighter in your stomach, an unending tornado of fury that had your knees trembling as you tried to find your voice again. As you tried to figure out a way to scream at the group that this wasn’t fair.

All you got was an unsettling, gross feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your face scrunched up and you bolted as fast as you could to the nearby private bathroom door, labeled neatly with an image of a man and a woman to indicate its unisex uses. You slammed it behind you, pressing the inside lock with an angry click before sinking to your feet in front of the toilet. Inhaling. Exhaling. You proceeded to lean forward and vomit into the toilet, expelling the remnants of coffee and snacks you had been having in line.

Chapter 3 Chapter Text

A few more waves of vomit came out as you heaved, eventually tapering into a dry, cracked gasp as you tried to catch your breath. Tears fell down your cheeks, but you couldn’t tell if it was from the vomiting or the anger you felt. Either way, your nose was stuffed up, your body shook, and you felt absolutely disgusting.

Flushing the toilet at the handle, you leaned on the nearby wall and coughed, pressing the back of your head to the cool tile and looking up at the ceiling. The fluorescent bulb above flickered, the high-pitched and irritating vibration of its lumination, hurting your head even more. You shut your eyes tight and bit your lip, bringing your legs to your chest as you had on the couch. You wrapped your arms around your knees and buried your head between them, hoping to assuage the pain in your temples.

You should have never come here, you realized with a pain in your heart. You should have never agreed to go with your friend to this concert. You should have stayed home with your cat and your laptop watching reruns of anime and eating poptarts until 12 am, where you’d pass out with crumbs on your chest.

You weren’t wanted here.

The thought hit you like a brick, bringing fresh and new tears to your eyes. This time you were sure they were sad.

You let them fall now that you were alone, little sobs hiccuping out of your mouth as you shut your eyes tight and curled further into a ball. You sniffled as you did so, trying to calm yourself into less tears as you tapped one foot idly out to a beat you had heard before the concert started.

Eventually you calmed down enough to pull out your phone. Your friend had texted you at least twenty times, a few missed calls on the screen also indicating her worry. Wiping your nose on the back of your hand, you peeked over at her messages while biting at your lip, afraid another sob might break out if you didn’t.

[New Message From: Bestie <3]

‘Hey, r u ok???’

‘Y/N, seriously!!!! Answer me!’

‘Tyler Joseph literally pulled you off stage and u ignore me like this >(‘

‘Just lmk pleeeeeeease’

‘OMG, Y/N’

‘When u can u need to look at twitter’

‘Like ASAP’

‘Ur gonna lose ur f*cking mind.’

‘Pls be safe.’

Your brows furrowed, feeling bad you had left her on read for so long. Your fingers switched quickly to Twitter upon her urgent request. A heavy feeling of dread settled in your stomach when, on the trending bar, you saw the name ‘Tyler Joseph’ displayed clearly in the music section. Your thumb hovered shakily over the tag for just a few moments before you hit the search, eyes scanning the mobile page for information.

‘Tyler Joseph, lead singer of Twenty One Pilots, meets his soulmate at the finale concert in Southern California.’

The headline was bolded, loudly declaring the statement that made you want to throw up a second time. Beneath it was a picture someone had obviously taken in the crowd at the moment of your connection. Your hand was reached out to his and he was on his stomach, reaching back out to you. In the spotlight of the moment, you could see the silvery thread shimmering between you both even in the photograph. The number of retweets and likes (and bookmarks) was far, far higher than you ever wanted it to be. You couldn’t bring yourself to read the comments before closing the app, holding your hand over your mouth as you stared at the tiled floor for a few moments, knees falling down so your legs stuck out in front of you.

You wondered if Tyler had seen it yet. You wondered if he had talked to his wife yet. Had she seen the news before Tyler talked with her? Terror resonated clear in your mind as you bit your lip and swallowed hard, slamming your head back so the pain of the tile’s smashing into the back of your skull blossomed. The pain kept you in the moment. It kept you from drifting away into more panicked vomiting. You exhaled shakily, unsure of your next move.

A knock on the bathroom door echoed. It was quiet, gentle. You didn’t move as you gazed over at the door, the fear paralyzing you. Your legs locked up and you swallowed harshly as you strained your ears to hear anything other than a soft, concerned sort of knock.

“It’s me,” A voice called out, just loud enough, “We need to talk, please?”

You assumed ‘me’ was Tyler. Mostly because, when he spoke, a stinging and tingling sensation overtook your body. Your heartbeat raced, excitement building in your veins against your wishes, your body eager to be close to him. To connect closely with him, yet, your mind screamed at you to stop. To not let him in at all. Still, your limbs moved of their own accord as you stood up, trembling enough to need to use the wall behind you to steady yourself. After a few moments of orientation, you shuffled meekly towards the bathroom door. You let your hand rest on the cool metal of the handle for just a few seconds before unlocking it with a single ‘click’, the automatic press-lock snapping out of place.

You only opened the door a small crack, peeking half your red, blotchy face out with furrowed brows. Sure enough, Tyler stood on the other side. His paint had been washed off, only smears of grayish black remaining on his neck and knuckles as he leaned enough to cover the rest of the room from view, probably to give you both privacy. You appreciated that much.

“Mark decided to call off the concert.” He whispered, and he sounded so disappointed. You winced.

“...Sorry.” You mumbled with a tinge of bitterness in your tone, “I didn’t plan on ruining your concert. I didn’t even want to be here.”

A gentle wave of hurt overtook you and you inhaled sharply alongside Tyler.

“Can I…? Can we…can we talk?”

You really didn’t want to.

But you knew you had to.

Exhaling, you opened the door wider, looking past Tyler to check if the other two men were still in the green room with you. Luckily, it was empty, which assuaged your fears enough to allow yourself to step out and close the bathroom door behind you. You shuffled behind Tyler as he made his way through the green room as well, reaching a mini fridge near the couch and bending in front of it with a soft grunt. You sat on the couch, legs crossed, as you watched him rummage.

“Water?” He asked as he looked back at you with a nice cold water bottle in his . You nodded, lips suddenly dry as you remembered how much you had been sobbing. He picked one up for himself too and handed you the other. That close to Tyler, you could see the redness and puffiness of his own eyes. The way his whites were tinged with red. The way his shoulders slouched with exhaustion. Had he cried too?

You put the bottle to your lips, washing away the dry mouth and taste of vomit down your burning throat. It hurt to swallow, so after one or two gulps you put the bottle down in your lap, fiddling with the paper label over it and not meeting Tyler’s eyes as he sat down on the floor in front of you, almost as if he were afraid to sit at your side. You tore an edge piece of the label of the bottle off, fiddling with it for a few more moments.

“I didn’t get your name.” He spoke, tone tired.

“...Y/N.” You answered back, throat sore still from the pain of your panic attack. Tyler swallowed hard, as if feeling it in the back of his own throat as well.

“Tyler.” He replied, as if he had to say it to you.

“Yeah, I know.” You respond, and it comes out more bitter than you had intended. He winces, and you feel a mix of guilt and stomach-churning anxiety at the same time, making you wince back at him and curl in on yourself further. The two of you cringed like that for a few moments until both emotions passed and another round of exhaustion overcame you.

“Josh said that we’ll feel each other’s emotions for a while,” Tyler murmured.

You blinked, and then you blushed.

“You…felt earlier when I was-”

“Yeah.”

Another silence. You bit your lip and ripped the label of your bottle off fully now. You put the bottle to the side, tearing strips out of the random trash. “We…need to see a doctor for this, don’t we?” You asked lightly, “One of those, um…Soulmate Specialists, I think. Everyone has to when they first bond, right?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so. Mark said he’d call one. Have them sent to the hotel when we get back.”

“Hotel?”

“Um, our - my - hotel,” Tyler gestured to himself nervously, and another round of anger filled your chest indignantly. How dare he just ASSUME you’d be fine with going back to a hotel with him? Soulmate or not, he was a STRANGER. A famous stranger with a successful music career and a WIFE who, soulmate or not, would likely be pissed about seeing him with another person. You frowned, and Tyler’s eyes widened. The startled fear overtook you, but your stubborn anger was stronger in your heart, and you continued to rip at the paper trash while curling into the couch further. You brought your knees as close to your chest as you could and looked away at the side. Biting your lip, you mumbled:

“I’m from out of town. Staying at my own hotel with my friend. My stuff’s there. At least, what I brought.”

“Oh.” Tyler stared dumbly and you scoffed.

“I’m sorry,” He replied with a genuine honestness to his tone, “I didn’t mean to just- I thought it would make the most sense…I guess. We-We can go to yours or…somewhere more, um, neutral. It’s just…after the reactions we’ve been having I don’t think-.”

“I know!” You snapped and shut your eyes tightly, “I…know. I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s…It’s been a lot today. Um…I’m…I didn’t think I’d meet my soulmate, like, ever in my life.”

“Hah, yeah, me neither,” Tyler swallowed, “Everyone in my family got theirs by sixteen. When my twentieth birthday passed, my mom said she’d pray for me.”

You let out a barking laugh and he chuckled too, his hand reached up to rub at his nose slightly as he licked his lips. He sighed.

“Well, at least my mom will be happy.”

“Finding your soulmate after getting married? Are you sure about that?”

A terse silence followed by a wave of tension. You bit your lip and looked down, muttering a weak ‘sorry’ at him before adding on nervously, “Did…Does she know?”

“About…this?” Tyler gestured between the both of you with a raise of his eyebrows, “I. Um. No. I haven’t called her yet.”

“I bet someone’s already DM-ed her the photo.” You muttered, “Oh. Have you seen the-.”

“Yeah.” Tyler cut you off, “Yeah, I have. Mark told me about it, it's um.”

“Impressive how fast things go viral.” You finished his comment. He nodded. Then exhaled. You followed suit, feeling the same breath build up in your chest and the both of you sighed in soft unison, followed by a lighthearted laugh.

“I knew soulmates needed to be together for a while,” Tyler sighed, “But I didn’t realize how…strong it was.”

You bit your lip and nodded in agreement. It was true. You hadn’t felt nauseous or dizzy since Tyler had sat in the room with you. The space had grown comfortable and you lacked the feeling of pain that you usually felt, especially in the hours before the concert. Your body was relaxed, save for the awkwardness you naturally felt. It was hard to believe how much you had felt like dying before standing as close to Tyler as you were now. Your mind wandered and your muscles moved on instinct, fueled effortlessly by the string in your fingertip.

You reached out to him on the floor, leaning forward on the couch slightly to do so. Tyler stared at you, shoulders still lax, as you touched the side of his face lightly with your hand. His stubble was rough against your fingers and, soon, your palm as you let it rest on his face. You stared at him for a long time, searching his eyes for something. Anything. He stared at you back, brown orbs wide and sweet as he relaxed without thinking much about it into your hand. The weight of his head rested on your palm as he sighed, those pools you were so fascinated with fluttering shut as he enjoyed the reprieve of ill symptoms in your presence.

Your thumb brushed along his cheek affectionately, and there was a quirk of a smile on your mouth. Instincts told you this was right. Something in your body radiated a pleased warmth without your permission, happy to be in the presence of the one who made your soul feel as easygoing as it did. You felt a piece of your heart you didn’t realize you were missing fill up, making the beat of it stronger than it had been before you saw him. His skin magnetized you to it, and your hand did not move for a long while. Not as you watched him scoot on his crossed legs closer to your body, chasing the heat of your palm and leaning his chin on the edge of the couch. It pushed his bottom lip up, his mouth a perfect pout as your fingers moved from his chin and upwards to his hair before you. It was short on the sides, but the fluff of it up top was fun to run your hand through, feeling just how soft the locks really were. You scraped your blunt nails against his scalp, earning a low sigh of appreciation that you mimicked in your comfort.

This was him, your body purred to you with absolute positivity, this was your soulmate. He was yours, the affection was put into your hand, as if radiating towards him. He appreciated the soft feeling, it seemed, as his own filled your heart, making an accomplished and pleasant hum echo in your throat as you twirled the fluffy strands of his brown hair between your fingertips. Maybe you should go with him to his hotel, your mind bubbled at the thought, he was right after all. They would be able to afford a better Soulmate Specialist than you ever could. At least, with that, the both of you could figure out your next steps. Together.

Except you weren’t together, were you?

A flash of his wife entered your head. Your friend showed you her from time to time, you were sure her name was Jenna? Her blue eyes were beautiful as she and Tyler smiled together in photographs..

Had you ruined that? You did, probably. But it wouldn’t matter, the thought reminded you, because Tyler would surely ask the specialist when was the earliest you could sever your thread together. As taboo as it was, especially for a celebrity, it would be better than making a man cheat on his wife. Surely, he would give you up to be with her. She was beautiful after all, and you were…well…

You looked down at the man in your lap. You looked at the thread connecting the both of you, shimmering as if taunting you at your side. You could go back to your life without him if the both of you did chop it off…and…

You’d be alone again.

The thought of not feeling this completeness overwhelmed you. The thought of breaking away from it so soon ached your very heart. Tears welled in your eyes at the thought of sitting in a doctor’s office, thread splayed on a sterile steel table, as medical scissors dug into your fingertips, removing it fully. Putting it in a jar. Sending it away to whatever landfill severed threads went to.

Tears fell now. They dripped down your cheek and chin in fat, wet globs as your nose began to run. You tried to bite your lip hard and hold back the pained noises you wanted to wail out. To sob with. This was unfair, you thought bitterly, everything was unfair. You gripped Tyler’s hair a little too hard now, making him startle and look up at you. You realized his eyes were wet too, still fighting back his own tears as he watched you cry. Soon, however, he couldn’t seem to hold it back.

Through your own sadness you saw his tears fall down his face, too. His shoulders shook as he looked away from you, face still buried in the couch near your lap as he shook to hide his crying. Your tears fell faster now, overwhelmed with the sadness you now shared with him. You hiccuped out a small sob before leaning forward, pressing your forehead to the top of his head. He smelled like sweat and sandalwood and a light, citrusy hotel shampoo. You inhaled it through your snotty nose, savoring it. Savoring the last scent of your soulmate, which would be taken from you soon.

You couldn’t stop the sounds now. You gasped and sobbed into him, shutting your eyes tight as the tears fell, wetting his hair. He let out his own little whimpers, most of it muffled by the couch as the both of you curled in on yourselves and each other, sitting there with wet, ugly cries as the both of you overwhelmed one another.

You didn’t know how long the both of you sat like that, crying and hiccuping out little sniffles and whimpers. All you knew was that it exhausted you by the time your eyes had run out of water to cry with. You leaned back and away from Tyler, ruffling his soaked hair as you sighed shakily. You watched him as he finally lifted his own head, face blotchy and wet and red as he sniffled back and avoided eye contact with you. You cleared your throat as you reached for your water bottle and took a drink of it. You offered it to him, and he took it as well, waterfalling his own sip shakily and clearing his throat as he sighed.

“...Sorry ‘bout your hair.” You mumbled weakly, giving it one last idle ruffle. Tears shook from it, splashing on you and the couch, making you grimace.

“‘S fine.” Tyler returned, his own voice as hoarse as your own. It wasn’t, you knew that, but you couldn’t care less at the moment.

“...I’ll go with you.” You offered, “To your, uh, hotel. If you really mean to call a specialist, that is. I just - um - I gotta grab my stuff from my hotel and then, yeah. We should get this checked out.”

He nodded at you, and you could feel a sense of relief emanating from him, happy you agreed. You moved to pull your phone out and text your friend the situation, saying you’ll grab your stuff quickly, and if she could help you by putting everything you had out in your suitcase really fast. She texted back, relieved you were alive, but agreed quickly, stating she was on it in an instant. You sighed, appreciative of her cooperation.

Tyler stood up and wiped his tears on the back of his arm. He exhaled again to catch his breath. You ripped at your water bottle a bit more as he nodded, “Alright, okay, yeah I’ll um…let Mark and Josh know. Mark can phone someone and uh. We’ll get you to your hotel real fast.”

You stood up yourself, limbs shaky but working, and gave a nod.

“Let's go then.”

Chapter 4 Chapter Text

You and Tyler rode in a private car to the hotel you were staying at. It was nearly 10pm by the time the both of you arrived. He stayed there while you hurried in, past the front desk, and into your room with a swipe of your hotel key card. You could hear the hotel cable playing some sort of game show in the background. It sounded like Family Feud. Or Jeopardy? Someone was asking a question, that was all you could tell.

“Y/N!” Your friend’s voice called. She got off of her bed and hurried over to you. You were enveloped in a hug, tight and warm, as you hugged her back. Burying your face in her shoulder, you exhaled weakly and shut your eyes tight, enjoying the familiarity of her touch for a few moments before pulling away and looking into her wide, worried eyes. Her brows knit together as she pursed her lips, “Are you okay? How’s…”

“It’s…complicated.” You weakly murmur out, feeling a sense of nausea overcome you. Was it because Tyler was in the car? Either way you felt an uneasy, sick yearning to return to him. Your gravitational pull seemed to orbit him and him alone, and you felt like you were careening through space without his presence in the same room. You shook your head and exhaled, “I’m going with um…Tyler to see a specialist. See what we can do and get checked out.”

She nodded quickly, “Yeah, that’s for the best. A specialist will have some answers for you, more than me…But… Oh, honey, I’m so sorry for all of this. I shouldn’t have made you go with me…I’m so sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean for this to-.”

“Hey,” You assured her with a pat to her shoulder and a smile, “You didn’t do anything, okay? None of this, with me, is your fault, I promise. I’ll sort it out and we can be back together in our apartment in no time, got it? I promise, don’t blame yourself.”

Your assurance seemed to put her at ease. She smiled sadly at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead before allowing you to hurry and get your stuff. As promised, she had put everything neatly away in your suitcase, leaving it open for your inspection on the bed. Once you had confirmed that everything was in there, you lugged the rolling thing forward and pulled out its handle, ready to bring it down. Giving your friend one final hug goodbye and a promise to text her if you needed anything, you went back down to the car where Tyler was waiting for you.

He had curled up into his part of the seat, legs up to his chest as he breathed in and out heavily. The nauseous feeling you had dissipated the moment your eyes settled on him, making you sigh in relief. His own feelings seemed to do the same, and he also relaxed enough to open his side of the door and hurry to help you put your luggage into the back of the car as the driver popped the trunk open. The two of you slid into the back seat of the car and the driver headed off. Tyler pulled out his phone and began to text someone. You imagined it was his bandmate, or, maybe that Mark guy to let them know you two were on your way to the hotel. The ride was mostly silent. You checked your phone for a few moments, eyes reading through the texts you had received from a few friends and family members. Your twitter rang out gently as well, making you open the app curiously.

Your stomach sunk at the amount of notifications, tags, and DMs you received. Your eyes didn’t need to go over too many of them to see just how many death threats, quiet judgements, and half-assed comments flooded every aspect of the photos, images, and news articles you were tagged in. You swallowed hard. You should have figured a few reporters were going to be snooping around the local area in order to get the big scoop on the lead singer of Twenty One PIlots and his new soulmate. You closed the app, moving it to the ‘delete from phone’ button and pulling it from your phone completely. You could download it again if you needed, but it wasn’t what you wanted to see at the moment.

“Josh is going to order room service,” Tyler said softly next to you, “Are you hungry?”

You were about to say no, but then you became aware of a new and empty feeling in your stomach, making you nod instead, “Yeah, could use something.”

“Anything special?”

“Just whatever you’re getting.”

“I was, uh, just gonna get a sandwich and some chips, really.”

“Yeah, perfect. No mayo on mine, though.”

“That’s fair, mayo’s pretty gross.”

The two of you laughed, the sound tense and forced, before it faded off a little too quickly. Your hand rested in the center between the both of you in the back seat as you looked out the window, watching the streets pass you by. A warmth was over it suddenly, making you look over. Tyler was looking out the window too, his hand over yours as if he didn't seem to notice. The feeling of your hands touching made you tingle but in a good way. You wanted to pull away on instinct, not a fan of someone so new to you touching you, but, the warm familiarity of it all stopped you. You bit your lip instead, looking back out the window and flexing your hand a little, feeling the cool leather seats underneath it.

Soon you both arrived at the hotel, this one far nicer than the little cheap thing you and your friend were splitting. The building itself was tall, wide, and you could see the resort and pool behind it a little too well. Your jaw dropped slightly, awe overcoming you as you stepped out the car. Tyler grabbed your luggage for you as you stared, rolling it over to you and bumping your hand with the handle softly to get your attention. You startled but thanked him, grabbing the handle so tight that your knuckles turned white as the both of you headed off into the massive building. The gust of the cool, air conditioned lobby made you sigh with relief as you stared over at Tyler, waiting for him to head in the direction of his room.

He led the way with a nod, understanding what you were waiting for. The both of you hopped onto the elevator, riding it up to the third floor of the building and down a small series of halls. “What, no penthouse suite?” You joked as you followed him, trudging to keep up with his long strides.

He smiled back at you, looking tired as his fluffy hair bobbed with his movements. He looked handsome. The thought made you blush as he spoke:

“Makes me feel too important.” He stated with a laugh, “I like splitting rooms with Josh more, anyways. Keeps people out of our hair.”

“That’s fair.” You returned, and soon the both of you were in front of a suite labeled 320. With a wave of his key card, Tyler opened the door, holding it for you to go in first. You scurried inside and he closed it behind himself after.

“Tyler!” Josh’s voice was pitched up in relief as the two of you entered. You stepped to the side as the drummer bounded over to his bandmate, eyes filtered with worry and anxiety. He must have been stressed about Tyler, just as your friend was stressed over you. Tyler gave a smile and a pat on the shoulder to Josh in return as Josh stared at him.

The other man was sitting at one of the little hotel provided desks, a laptop pulled up as his brow furrowed in frustration. He didn’t acknowledge either of you as you walked in, too focused on what he was doing. Mark, you remember Tyler said his name earlier. That was probably Mark.

Suddenly a body stood next to you. You looked up, shoulders tensing. Josh stared back at you with a small smile, friendly and sweet in a way that wrinkled his nose at the corners and showed off his laugh lines.

“Hey, we haven’t officially met,” He spoke in a warm tone as he held out his hand, “Josh.”

You reached back, taking his hand in a firm handshake. His fingers were calloused, probably from drumming. “Y/N.” You returned with a half-hearted smile, “Good to meet you.”

“Wish it was under better circ*mstances,” Josh said, his tone apologetic, “Sorry about what you had to go through tonight I…It must have been really rough.”

You knew he was trying to be polite. You knew Tyler meant a lot to him and he did to Tyler, too. You could feel a fondness for this man, whom you never met, overwhelm your senses in the same way you imagine it did to Tyler. A friendly, warm sensation that spread into you when you looked at Josh. Maybe it was also just how he was as a person, you supposed, as he hadn’t done anything but try to be nice to you since you had first seen him. You only offered a sigh and a shrug to him in return.

“Feel free to sit on the bed, relax.” Josh offered, gesturing to the space, “You can put your suitcases with ours, too. Just in the corner.”

“Oh, thanks.”

You rolled your luggage next to a few other bags, leaving it there with a light pat of the material before facing the men again, taking a seat as offered on the edge of the nearby bed. Mark stood now from his spot, sighing as he ran a hand through his messy hair. The bags under his eyes told you he hadn’t stopped working since you had been pulled off the stage by Tyler. You sighed, rubbing your own head as an overwhelming exhaustion overtook you. You wanted to go to sleep, but there was just too much to do tonight, you supposed.

“An urgent care nearby is sending over a specialist,” Mark spoke with a nod to Tyler and then to you, “The both of you should sit down and recuperate in the meantime. You must be exhausted.”

Tyler nodded with a sigh similar to your own, and sat on the bed next to you so that your knees were touching. You bit at your lip and scooted away just a little. Tyler looked at you and his eyes were almost hurt, a wave of disappointment filling you. You looked away from him and at the hotel art on the wall next to you instead, sighing.

“I gave the specialist your room number and told them to knock when they arrive,” Mark spoke up again, “There’s drinks in the fridge and the room service’s gonna bring food later. I’m going to go to my room and try to get some stuff sorted out with the label and PR in the meantime, so, don’t cause any trouble while I’m gone.”

You think he meant it as a joke, but there was also an edge of seriousness you couldn’t help but feel was directed mainly at you. You heard the boys give a ‘yes’ and ‘thanks, Mark’ before the man left the room, leaving you with the two bandmates alone in a hotel room. You tensed a little, the feeling of this entire event surreal in a way. You wondered if you'd wake up in a few moments in your hotel room, the concert not even starting yet, with this whole thing being a dream.

But you looked down at the thread of your finger and watched it shimmer again, and it helped to cement your place in this reality once more.

Chapter 5 Chapter Text

“Uh, do you guys want to watch anything? We brought over a Nintendo Switch, too, if you wanna play a game.” Josh offered, trying to ease both you and Tyler out of your own minds as the both of you sat next to one another. You looked up at the same time Tyler did and thought for a moment. You did like video games, and they were engaging enough to keep your mind off of…well, everything that happened tonight.

“I’ll watch you two play,” You murmured, “I think I’m just too tired to play myself.”

“That’s cool with me,” Josh agreed, “Did you want to play Mario Kart, Ty?”

“Sure.” Tyler returned, but his voice was hollow, not into it. If Josh noticed, he didn’t make a big deal of it. Instead he rummaged through one of the bags next to yours for the gaming console. You looked over at him, then at Tyler. Tyler stared back at you, and you blushed at his intense gaze. Did he always look at people like this? He was reading into you somehow, as if his fingers were trailing over the pages of a book and you were its writing. He sunk in every detail of you as you watched him back, doing the same thing in return. You could see every inch of stubble on his chin. Every wrinkle on his forehead as his brows creased. He had shrugged off his hoodie and you could see his tattoos too, now. Every thick, inky band raised slightly on the fine, copper skin. He was pretty in a soft sort of way, you had to admit. The thought made a twitch of a smile appear on your lips. He mimicked it. Then the both of you seemed to remember the situation, and you looked away as Josh finally got the switch set up to the hotel TV and handed one of the controllers over to Tyler with an oblivious smile.

You watched the boys play Mario Kart and tried not to fall asleep. Tyler offered you a redbull at some point, which you accepted in the hopes that the caffeine and taurine would help you keep your eyes open. You hated this. You wanted to go to bed, but it was important to get this checked out. You had no choice.

As if answering your sleepy prayer, there was a knock on the door. The game was paused and Josh got up to answer it. There was a series of soft talking and uttered words before Josh returned with a short, large woman with a bobbed haircut and serious looking expression. She wore no makeup, and a pair of rectangular glasses on her button nose. Her lab coat read ‘LA Urgent Care Center: Soulmate Specialist’ and then there was a badge with her name: Dr. Meredith DeChutes, MD.’

“Hello you two,” She spoke, her voice soft but firm. It made you nervous so you sat up straighter as you gave her a nod. Tyler said ‘hello’ and mimicked your posture. Your palms grew sweaty as she entered and put her bag down on the table. She began to pull a few medical supplies from it here and there in silence before she faced you both once more. Finally she gave a smile, gentle enough to ease your shoulders just a bit.

“I’m Doctor DeChutes.” She introduced herself politely, “I’ll be the examiner specialist on your cases, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ve been in this profession for 30 years now. You’re in good hands. Mister Dun-.”

She paused and faced Josh, who was standing in the corner of the room nervously. He tensed at her words and she gave him a polite nod, “We’ll need the room for these two, if you please.”

“Oh, right, yeah, no problem.” Josh nodded, “I’m going over to Mark’s room, guys, I’ll be back when it’s over.”

With a final smile and wave to Tyler and you, Josh left the room, the door closing with a gentle click. You and Tyler gazed at one another and then back at Doctor DeChutes once more.

“Now, I’m assuming neither of you have done a soulmate bond examination before?” She asked as she slid on a pair of sterile gloves with ease. Tyler and you both shook your heads in unison. This seemed to make DeChutes smile as she hummed, “Thought not. Don’t worry, it won’t be painful, but it is a little lengthy. First we’re going to go through your vital signs, measure both of your general sugars and bpms. Standard medical procedure as you’re aware. Then, I’ll need to examine your thread from both your fingers. We’ll just be looking at its location, the density, and the shine on it. They can tell a lot about the bond and establishment of your links.”

“Finally,” She exhaled, as if talking was a chore at this point in her lung capacity, “I’ll just ask a follow up series of questions to test your emotional bond with one another. I have to warn you, these questions are known to evoke feelings in both parties that tend to be…rather intense. Overwhelming. This is the part that takes the most time, honestly. We can go as fast or slow as needed for the both of you, however, all questions are required to be answered.”

The statements hung like a fog in the room, but the process seemed straightforward. So you gave a hesitant nod in agreement, as did Tyler.

Of course, after that, she pulled out the paperwork. Each of you filled out your names, addresses, marital statuses (it was awkward when you watched Tyler check ‘married’ after you had checked ‘single’) and medical histories. There was a section for you to fill out your medications and mental history, too, and you bit your lip with a frown. It took a great effort to scribble down the name of your antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications on both lines, and even more so to shakily write down your diagnosis of acute anxiety and ptsd. When the section of any past suicide attempts popped up, you couldn’t stop yourself from angling your paper away from Tyler so he couldn’t see you write down a few details.

You preferred not to remember it, honestly.

Soon the work was handed back to DeChutes, who then got started on the vitals part of the exam. That went quick enough, with both you and Tyler checking out for everything marked Within the Normal Range. The thread exam was a little more awkward, with the Doctor needing to get close between you two with a pair of magnifiers attached to her glasses to zoom in on the necessary thread points, jotting down notes here and there as she prodded idly at the thread. It made you and Tyler squirm slightly in discomfort. Every time she touched it, your nerves lit up with a sudden, indescribable discomfort. It was like you had hit your funny bone only it was in your fingers, and the discomfort Tyler radiated sunk into your own skin, making you all the more eager to get it over with.

It ended eventually, and the Doctor looked between you two with an apologetic smile.

“You did great, you two.” She encouraged, “I know that’s a little strange, especially for the first time. Your thread is impressive, though, I must admit. One of the sturdiest and most sensitive I’ve seen, to be quite honest.”

“Is that good?” You asked.

“For most soulmates, yes,” She smiled, “It means your bond is strong, very strong. Your souls might have even been tied together in previous lives. Quite an incredible thing in this field.”

She sounded genuinely amazed, and that made your heart sink further down into your stomach as you frowned, looking at your right hand. That’s great news, you thought with bitter sarcasm. Of course your strongest bond is with a guy who doesn’t want to be with you.

“We’ll take a short break before we start the question portion of the test,” DeChutes stated as she stood up, “I’m going to discuss a few things with Mark in the other rooms. It’ll just be a few minutes, please, use the time to prepare yourselves.”

She exited the room and you and Tyler exhaled in unison. This caused a chuckle to echo between the two of you, bleak and soft.

“Didn’t think she’d be so intense.” Tyler murmured.

“Part of her job, I imagine.” You shrugged, biting your lip, “Surprised to hear about the thread, though.”

“Yeah, me too,” Tyler looked at his finger with a far away look on his face, “I heard that one of the strongest recorded bonds in ancient history was Cleopatra and Mark Antony.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, “You think in the past we were them?”

He laughed at the implication, “Well, I mean, there’s no proof we weren’t.”

You giggle at this, “Plot twist, I was Mark Antony.”

“I would have made a great Cleopatra anyways.” Tyler declared with a goofy grin. You laughed harder, the infectious smile he wore growing on your face. He laughed with you, the joy you both felt bubbling warm in your throats as you fed off of it, reveling in the lighthearted moment. Perhaps you were both exhausted and sleep deprived. Perhaps this wasn’t as funny as you thought it was. It didn’t matter, though, because you finally felt just a little more comfortable.

Your laughter faded together as the door was knocked on. Tyler opened it up, letting the Doctor back in as he did so. Once he settled back into his seat next to you, the Doctor pulled up an armchair in front of you both and let a clipboard rest in her lap as she spun a pen in her fingertips. “Alright,” she hummed, “Are the both of you ready to start the final portion?”

“Yeah, I’m all set.” You spoke, and Tyler gave a nod to her.

“Alright then, let’s start.” DeChutes cleared her throat.

“There will be ten questions, each evoking a different emotion. You just need to answer honestly and clearly. Question One: What is your favorite characteristic about yourself? This will refer to each of you about your individual person. Whoever thinks of something first may share.”

You frowned. Did you have a favorite thing about yourself? What was there to even like about you? Confusion and on-the-spot question anxiety overwhelmed you for a few moments as you thought it over. Tyler remained silent as well, but you could feel it. A slow creeping anxiety that was not your own humming in the back of your mind. It came with a melancholy exhaustion, though. Something of a sadness. An unsure defeat. You frowned and slouched forward, as if the weight of the feeling grew heavier on your own shoulders.

You heard DeChutes scribble an observation on her notepad, but you finally exhaled and responded:

“I um. I think I can be funny, sometimes? I like telling jokes, and when I make people laugh um. Yeah, I guess that’s one thing.”

“That’s good, you sound tired, though.”

“No just…hm…melancholy.” You closed your eyes and sighed, “Just not sure.”

“Hm, I see…Tyler? What’s your answer?”

“...I make good music, sometimes.” He murmured in response.

“I’d say better than good,” You returned with a frown at him, “You’ve sold out multiple major venues because of your music, haven’t you?”

He shrugged, humble and nervous.

“That’s fine, thank-you.” Dechutes pushed you both past the answer with a few scribbles on her paper, “Question Two: What is your greatest fear?”

You winced. You were kind of living it, really. Being put on the spot. Being the center of attention in the most negative and strange way you could think of. Being nothing but an object for people to stare at, a toy in the media. You feared fame. You feared being known. Anxiety crept your chest, painful and aching, as you winced and took a shaking breath at the memory of earlier that night. Tyler shuddered too in response, and his eyes flew shut. Suddenly terror overwhelmed you in return. Fear unlike something you’ve felt before. You gasped and scooted closer to him on instinct, freezing up against his shoulder as he fed off of the matching emotions you shared.

“My…mind.” Tyler answered after a bit more shuddering. You looked away from him as you spoke your own in return, and his fear turned steadily to a red-hot shame that flushed your own ears despite the emotion being far, far away from you.

The next several questions were just as grueling and uncomfortable, the variety of emotions you and Tyler went through only growing your exhaustion. When the last question finally passed and DeChutes packed up her pen and paper, you both exhaled with relief. She adjusted her glasses and read over a few notes, sighing as she put her hands together in her lap to gaze at you both seriously.

“I’m going to be straightforward with the two of you,” She hummed, “I’ve never seen a bond quite as strong as yours, both mentally and physically. Your thread is so dense and rooted so deep into the both of your fingers that it makes your emotional connections with one another all the stronger. The pull of each emotion pulses through the thread wrapped around your heart and feeds off of one another. It’s almost parasitic. I almost want to ask you to come to a university lab with me for further study.”

Chapter 6 Chapter Text

A knock on the door echoed, but neither of you could move. Tyler was the one to call out a strained allowance of entry and, eventually, the door opened on its own.

“Hey you guys, is everything alri- Oh f*ck, Ty?!”

Josh hurried to his friend’s side, eyes panicked as he reached out and yanked Tyler over to him. You nearly cried out all too loud at the separation, chasing after Tyler with a desperate reach as Josh helped him sit up. Tyler’s head buried itself in his hands and Josh held onto his knees firmly, pushing them to make sure the singer had both planted on the floor. You curled into yourself, watching with teary eyes as Josh spoke softly to Tyler, followed by slow, tender breathing. Tyler began to mimic Josh, and soon your breathing joined Tylers. With the drummer’s help, the both of you began to ease up in your breaths as the panic slowly, painfully, drifted away from you. On your final, shaky exhale, you knew it was finally over with.

Tyler slouched back and you just fell over at that point, unmoving as your eyes fluttered shut and you bit your lip.

“You’re okay, Ty. You’re both okay.” Josh insisted softly, “I’ll get you guys some water. Um.I can split a room with Mark if you’d rather be alone.”

Tyler looked at you, a silent curiosity filling you as he did so. You sighed shakily and shrugged. The thought of being in a room alone with two strangers made you shudder with an awkward fear, and you’d argue about it if you weren’t so damn exhausted. Tyler, however, looked up at his best friend and gave a slow nod and an apologetic gaze. “We need space.” Tyler whispered, his voice hoarse from his sobs. Josh understood, and said nothing else but ‘text me if you need anything, see you in the morning’ before he headed out the door.

Josh, having brought in your room service meals as well, left them on the little desk nearby. You and Tyler picked them up and sat back on the bed together, turning on the hotel cable and eating in silence as How I Met Your Mother began to play on the screen. You barely registered any of the plotline as you numbly ate your food without tasting it. Your mind had gone fuzzy, yet, your body refused sleep until the meal was finished. You devoured the food with a sigh of satisfaction, the only signal you were getting that you were eating actual food and not dissociating.

Yet you felt Tyler’s nervous, quiet discomfort heavily. You did your best to ignore it as you ate, desperate for no more emotions to overwhelm you, but it became like a pinching sensation on your neck after fifteen minutes of mindless sitcom television.

“Do you need to talk about it?” You wondered, not looking away from the TV.

“Talk about what?”

“The thing in the bathroom. Your phone call with-.”

“No, I don’t.”

You frowned and looked up at him. He was picking at the bread on his sandwich with his fingers.

“Fine.”

Another swath of silence, but then, Tyler gave in.

“I…It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would have. It still wasn’t great.” He stated.

“I could have told you that.”

“...She Separated, you know. It was before we met, though.”

Your eyes widened and you swallowed your bite with a surprised gaze. “She did? From her soulmate? Completely?”

He nodded with pursed lips, “We, uh, met in our early twenties. She had a soulmate, but, it didn’t…work out for them. So she Separated from him. When I met her, I didn’t have anyone and we just…clicked. I decided that, if I didn’t have a soulmate, then I would be happy with her. She gave me everything I wanted and I…feel happy with her. She’s….”

“The love of your life?” You mused. Tyler pursed his lips sadly.

“Yeah, she is.”

You hummed with a frown, “And I just ruined everything, huh?”

He looked at you with worry, “N-No, you didn’t! You didn’t ruin everything, Y/N! I just-”

“Want to be with your wife more,” You sighed, though no bitter intention echoed behind it, “I understand.”

Tyler hesitated this time, but willed himself to keep going, “I never thought that I’d meet my soulmate is all. I didn’t…think I had one.”

You had heard of some people being born without soulmates from time to time, a very rare occurrence in the world. You’ve seen interviews of those people sometimes, just in passing really, and they seemed either content with it or just…sad…Lonely. Perhaps you and Tyler, if you hadn’t been soulmates, would have gone different ways in that regard. He had Jenna. You had no one.

“I’ve heard of people meeting soulmates as late as sixty years old,” You return.

“How many of them waited?”

“I guess from what I know it's fifty-fifty.”

Tyler made a ‘huh’ noise and ate the rest of his sandwich in silence with you, the both of you becoming awkwardly engrossed in the next airing episode of How I Met Your Mother. It looked like there was a marathon going on. You didn’t quite understand the plot of the current episode, but you idly read the subtitles displayed on the bottom of the screen and watched them match up with the words on the set. It didn’t take long for the both of you to finish the rest of your food and allow the feeling of exhaustion to overcome you. You looked to your side.

“We should sleep…”

“Yeah, you’re right. Um…There’s two beds, do you think there’s going to be close enough space between them?”

You thought about this, “The doctor said we’d be better off keeping the distance slim. Maybe the same bed would…”

You blushed, embarrassed about the implication and not willing to state the thought any further. Tyler’s own cheeks turned red alongside his ears and he cleared his throat softly with a nod. “Makes sense,” He replied, “I um…I won’t touch you or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

You shrugged awkwardly. If anything, you were worried about not being able to stop touching him yourself. As much as it was weird to hold a stranger in a desperate time, your hands craved Tyler’s own in them. You wanted to brush your thumbs over his knuckles, to keep your threads close at all times. The idea of even a separate bed filled you with an anxiety that wasn’t yours or his, but, rather the thread’s itself. So you gave a nod after a moment, agreeing to the situation.

It was how you found yourself in the same bed as Tyler, your backs faced to one another with the lights off. You stared blankly at the wall in front of you, watching the patterns on the painting that watched you back eerily. You felt…unreal. Like this wasn’t supposed to be you. Maybe it wasn’t? But it was, and you could no longer change that. You lifted up your right hand and stared at the thread shimmering from it, biting your lip as you watched it glow even in the darkness of the hotel room. A permanent reminder that should have been happy. Instead, you felt heavy with complication and annoyance.

You put your hand down with a quiet sigh, shutting your eyes and finally giving into the exhaustion of the night you had, passing out into sleep.

Chapter 7 Chapter Text

There was a monster in here.

You looked around the darkened hallways of a large house you felt unfamiliar with. The cement floors were cold under your bare feet and you couldn’t see the next room as you ran, but you knew you had run. Every movement you made felt sluggish, though, like you were running through molasses instead of air. You tried to hold your breath, if that might help, and push forward. Yet the eerie feeling of being chased only grew stronger, and the floor all but vibrated with the feeling of heavy, thudding footsteps. Terror sank into your heart, and you wanted to scream. Instead you pushed yourself faster, moving through the darkness. You thought you stepped on something, but you didn’t look down as you moved.

Move. Move. MOVE.

The thing behind you whispered menacingly, words that did not make sense and dribbles of wetness that was drool or ink? You couldn’t tell as it hit the floor, and you risked one look behind you, gauging your likelihood of escape.

That was a mistake.

The creature behind you crawled after you on four limbs not human by any capacity. Its face, morphed into shades of whites and reds and blacks, bubbling and pustule-like in its attentiveness, stared forward at you as if you were the only thing on its mind. Somehow, you knew that you were. You paled, stepping back, not taking your eyes off the being as it moved towards you, slower this time, as if it was waiting for you to run again. As if it liked the chase. Instead you took step by step back, shivering in terror as you searched around its face for eyes hidden behind throbbing circular structures. A monster that drooled black ink and ripped its claws into walls so deep they left devastating gashes. You gasped, but there was no sound. It was as if the inky, thick molasses air ate it away as the creature tilted its head, dribbling more black and white glop onto the floor as it did so. The scent made you want to vomit.

“Come…oUt….aaaaaand….play?”

You cried as you watched it approach you, tripping over nothing and falling to the floor. The ground seemed to make you stick to it. The creature continued to approach you, long and tangled limbs stretching and cracking loudly. It opened a mouth beneath its face, wide and filled with nothing. You screamed and no sound echoed. You kept screaming as it finally moved faster, rapidly approaching you with nothing but malicious intent. You shut your eyes tight and-.

You woke up to a scream that jolted you into a sitting position, gasping and sweating through the intensity of your nightmare. You trembled, feeling nauseous and overwhelmed and still so, so tired as your eyes fearfully looked around the room. The darkness created shapes reminiscent of the dreams you had and you could have sworn that the same white and red faced monster was in the corner watching you with amusem*nt in its empty gaze. You stared into that corner of the room trembling, unable to move from your position, until a light flooded the space and you were able to see it disappear into nothing.

Your head snapped around to see Tyler with his hand still on the light switch on the end table, his own body trembling and his eyes shut tight as he took ragged, long breaths. His forehead was damp with sweat. You shuddered weakly in your own spot, the cold of the room hitching on the heat of your skin far too quickly to be pleasant. Tyler pressed a palm to his forehead and exhaled shakily. Your own sound joined his shortly after, and he looked over at you with a knitted brow, pain and fear still alight in his mocha eyes as he pursed his lip, trying not to start his ragged breathing over again.

“Wh…at…Was…” You managed out, biting your lip as the overwhelming urge to cry took your mind again. Tyler winced at the feeling, and all he got out was a whisper:

“I’m...I’m so sorry.”

You shut your eyes, the image of the creature a flash in the darkness, and you yanked them open again, not interested in seeing it a third time. You pulled your legs to your chest and leaned on the headboard of the bed instead, sighing. Tyler sighed with you, the both of you breathing quietly until the silence of the hotel room calmed you both down. You dared to take a peek at your phone that you had kept under the pillow, checking the time idly.

4:35 AM. You guys had fallen asleep at 1:30, you were sure. Barely 4 hours of consecutive sleep under either of your belts, and you groaned. Surely after that, sleep wasn’t going to be an option for you. You let your head fall back on the headboard with a whiny ‘thunk’ to the furniture. Reaching a hand up, you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as Tyler reached for a water bottle he had been keeping on his side of the nightstand. He chugged down nearly half of it in his search for hydration, making your lips parched as well.

“I can’t go back to sleep.” You whispered, fearful of disturbing the rest of the night if you yelled. He nodded in agreement, his eyes far away as they stared forward into the mild, dim hotel light. You watched him, the shadows stark on his face from your position. There was a thin halo of light around his hair, turning it dim gold around its edges. A halo of brightness while the rest of his gaze was cast in shadows. You thought about the story you had heard in class once, long ago, when you were discussing books like Paradise Lost and the Bible. About how Lucifer was a fallen angel, wingless and cast out from a world he helped to build.

Tyler seemed like a fallen angel, so worn and heavy were his wings that they ripped away during the fall to earth. He didn’t look like he truly belonged here. Maybe with a voice like his, built for high choruses and gentle thrumming hums, he did not.

The awe and adoration you felt seeped out of you like wildfire, startling Tyler from his stupor. He turned to you, eyes wide, lips full and face so…soft. You were sure this was the effect of your thread, the finger it held was aching and tender, but you didn’t want it to be. You didn’t want this feeling to stop. Maybe it was selfish. You tried to pull away from it, but the feelings between you and Tyler only seemed to grow the longer you stared at one another. Feeding off of the same recycled emotion of adoration. An endless, bewildering chain as you inched closer to him and reached your hand outwards.

Your right hand found his own, your index fingers wrapped together in a caring embrace. His hand was warm and bigger than yours. Long, spindly piano fingers with soft nail beds and small scars. You admired them without thinking about it, entranced in the patterns of the pores of his skin. He sighed under your touch, the relief of both of your straining souls finally being felt in the effects of privacy and closeness. Your stomach filled with butterflies that made you want to smile, but you were just too tired to. So you stared at Tyler’s face, a warm admiration in your gaze that he couldn’t help but soften to.

You leaned forward, craving more attention. He followed, your foreheads pressing together as the both of you exhaled in relief. It was like a blanket wrapping you up. His warm breath fell over your face and you shut your eyes, savoring each second. Your heartbeats synchronized and your minds settled, ease filling you as you let your eyes lift up under your lashes to gaze at Tyler.

He returned it, and you simply watched one another.

You didn’t mean for it to happen.

His lips and your lips met in equal distances, magnetized to one another. You could remember kissing someone only a few other times in your life, and none of them were like this. None of them were this hot, searing fire warming your lungs with every second that passed, filling you with an indescribable dopamine that rushed to your cheeks and ears. It was a divine feeling. Had you really kissed an angel? The thought made you want to pray, even though you had no religion.

Maybe Tyler Joseph was your religion now.

You weren’t sure how long the kiss lasted. It lasted until your lungs ached and you had to come up for air, and even then you were reluctant. You gasped and sucked in a breath, as did Tyler. Your eyes held one anothers again as you did so. His gaze went from softened, as it was before, to surprised, and then to terrified. A wrenching shock startled you from your stupor and you looked back at him in shock. When your ears went red this time, it was from complete embarrassment. Did you two really just do that? Was it really just the feelings that you two could have with one another in such a way? Were you literally going to have to resist doing that again for TEN DAYS? Could you?

“We. I. Um.” Tyler cleared his throat, desperate to change the subject as he rolled out of bed and itched at the back of his head as he stumbled a little from getting up so fast, vertigo spiraling in his mind before he exhaled a hissing breath. You shifted on the bed, fiddling with your hands in your lap as you said nothing in return, shame burning too hot on your cheeks to consider words.

“I need to shower.” Tyler finally whispered.

You sat up a little, biting your lip, “We can’t be far apart.”

Tyler hesitates, and you think.

“I can change in the tub. Behind the curtain. Sit next to the door?” He makes his words brief, too nervous to make the conversation any longer. You muttered a ‘yeah’ and got up, following him into the bathroom without another word.

Chapter 8 Chapter Text

You sat on the bathroom floor and watched Tyler get into the shower. The curtain rustled closed and, from your spot against the doorway, you could see the toilet facing in front of you. The counter was on the right hand side, and the shower was tucked away in a nook on the left. You had no view of Tyler on your wall, but you could see the clothes tossed over the closed curtain as he readied himself. You were fine looking at his socks and shirt. You blushed at the pants. When the boxers were hesitantly tossed over, you looked away with an embarrassment you knew he could feel. The water started and steam began to fill up the room as it turned scalding. You wondered if he felt dirty because of you. You tried not to think too long about it.

Instead you pulled out your phone and began to scroll through random videos on TikTok, letting the speakers blare your shameful feed towards the man who could (hopefully) not hear it over the water in his way as he washed off. You paused to watch a small choose your own adventure series, scrolling through the choices on the screen and reading all of the answers even though you knew you were supposed to only read one, before continuing on within the second. It wasn’t interesting.

“Hey, can you go back?” Tyler calls hesitantly.

“Huh?” You respond in confusion.

“That last song. I like it. Can we listen?”

“It’s just a TikTok audio, not the full thing.”

“That’s fine.”

You shrugged, not sure of a reason to say ‘no’, so you returned back up and let the audio play. Casting a look at the spinning record of used sound, it turned out to be ‘Fidelity’ by Regina Spektor. The soft, tight piano keys played as the lyrics of the airy vocalist hummed into the background of rolling water:

‘I never loved nobody fully // Always one foot on the ground,’

You felt a weird sensation at the song. The lyrics were already…doing something. Something to you you didn’t like. Still, he asked for it, so you let it play as the video auto-scrolled without your finger. You pursed your lips, honing in once more to the lyrics that played, though you had missed a few more in your thoughts.

‘Suppose I never, ever saw you // Suppose we never, ever called // Suppose I kept on singin' love songs-, ‘

This song was probably for Jenna, you realized, and your stomach gutted itself once more. Your eyes shut tight and you reached for your phone as the music continued on. You moved your finger to exit out of the app and put your phone down at your side, rubbing a hand on your neck as you shuddered in a breath, determined not to cry anymore than you already had. There was a long, endless silence. The water echoed. Tyler’s voice finally murmured over the steam a soft, worried ‘sorry’, but you didn’t say anything in return.

The water went off after a while. Tyler rustled the curtain a little, reaching to the rack over the toilet with fluffy, white towels and pulled one into the tub with him. You watched with no real feeling in your stomach other than hunger as he pulled himself out with just a towel around his waist. His wet hair stuck to his forehead, still dripping with water. You stared at his adam's apple as it bobbed, your eyes wandering to the black tattoos on his chest and arms. He really did have a lot, you mused. You let your eyes go lower, just a little bit more, to his slim chest and slightly pudgy tummy, his skin soft and bronze even bared like this. Your heart fluttered. You glared at its betrayal and looked away just in time to miss Tyler’s own blush in his ears.

“Do you need to take one?” He asked.

“Probably should.” You returned, standing up and brushing yourself off as you did so. With your phone in your hand, you put it on the counter. Moving around Tyler, you took off your socks before entering the shower, aware of its wetness and not wanting the feeling of soaking fabric on your feett. The curtain closed around you in the next instant, wrapping you in a small space of safety for just a bit. You heard Tyler rustling to gather his clothes, likely slipping them back on despite the sweat they were probably dampened with. You suddenly looked down at your own clothes, frowning at the sticky feeling but not comfortable enough to ask Tyler to grab you something from the other room. It’d be too far anyways, given your doctor’s orders. God, you hated the doctor’s orders.

You tried not to focus on it, instead hurrying to pull your shirt off your body and move your pants down off your legs. You didn’t even change into pajamas last night, and your jeans practically peeled off of your sore legs. You exhaled as you tossed them both on the other side of the curtains. You were left in your underwear, to which you hesitated in taking off. For a second you debated sacrificing the fabric to the oncoming wetness if it meant Tyler not seeing them. You flushed, fighting with yourself, before finally deciding to take them off. Discreetly as possible, you dropped them as far away from his vision as you could hope to get before turning on the water overhead.

The tap was still warm from Tyler’s shower, raining down a perfectly scalding water onto your form. You sighed as it relaxed your muscles. The warmth of the water overcame you as you shut your eyes, running your hand through your hair as you soaked it thoroughly. You simply stood there for a bit, enjoying the momentary quiet and relaxation that you felt overwhelmed you. After a bit you reopened your eyes and reached for the soap, cleaning your body off in slow and careful movements as you did so. Once you were rinsed off and done, you hesitated in turning the water off. In facing the world outside of the shower you were in. You swallowed hard, mind working over just what would happen that day. Where would you go? Did you need to fly back to wherever Tyler was going to be going to get home? You hadn’t even checked online for the status of that photo that seemed to go viral. You swallowed hard, imagining the press. Imagining the overwhelming sense of terror in interviews and drama and-.

“Are you alright?” Tyler’s tone was worried on the other side of the curtain.

You bit your lip and turned off the water, “Fine. It’s fine.”

He didn’t answer as you mimicked him in reaching for a towel to dry yourself off in the privacy of the curtain. Once you were done, you reached for your clothes, slipping them on one by one until you were able to hop out of the shower the way you had gone in, hands grabbing at your socks to sit on the toilet and slide them back on with a grunt at the effort. Your bones were sore from the long day previously. You wished you could have slept longer.

Tyler was fully dressed when you stepped out, at the mirror brushing his teeth as he tried to avoid eye contact with you. A guilt settled in your chest and you decided he had the right idea. He was guilty about the kiss, probably. So were you. You shut your eyes to will the thought away as the two of you continued to get ready in awkward silence for the day.

You had brushed your teeth as well, and the both of you were done with your morning routine within the hour. The clock blared out 5:40AM on its screen and you groaned in exhaustion.

“Do you know what we’re doing today? For, uh, everything?” You asked Tyler, sitting cross-legged on the bed as you fiddled with the remote for a second, turning the cable channels on and searching through each description for something of interest.

“Um, not…really.” Tyler responded honestly, sitting at your side as you settled on morning Nickelodeon cartoons. Spongebob came on, and you allowed it to play at a low volume as you nodded. The unsureness of the day’s plans gave you anxiety, but it wasn’t like either of you could do anything about it.

So you sat there together, watching Spongebob in silence. Once in a while you’d chuckle or repeat a line in amusem*nt, which made him smile a little as well, but that was the closest you had come to a conversation until about an hour and a half later, a little closer to 7, when the door of the room was knocked on with gentle curiosity.

Tyler went to open it, and returned with Josh and Mark at his side, each holding a plate of breakfast foods as they did so. Josh smiled with a friendly look at you.

“Hey, we thought you guys might want breakfast.” The drummer spoke in a casual manner as he offered you the plate, “I hope everything on it is okay, I wasn’t sure if you had any allergies or not?”

“I don’t, but thanks.” You returned with a polite smile, accepting the plate. It had a couple waffles, some fruit, eggs, and a small amount of breakfast potatoes. Your stomach growled at the smell of the food, desperate for nutrients. You grabbed the fork on the plate and dug into the potatoes first, letting the savory taste fill your mouth. As you munched on yours, Tyler did the same to his at your side, the both of you nibbling as Mark spoke up shortly after.

“The Doctor told us about the time period,” He said, “I’m keeping the press at bay for now, but, Tyler, we need to figure something out after your bond time, okay? Don’t worry too much about it for now. We’ll need you to focus on…this.”

The word wasn’t said with malice, but it still made you wince.

“Yeah, thanks Mark.” Tyler spoke, appreciation in his tone.

“Are you gonna go back to Columbus?” Mark asked afterwards, and Tyler hesitated, biting his lip and looking over at you. You knew he was thinking about Jenna. You knew he didn’t want to face her. You put a piece of honeydew in your mouth, saying nothing. Josh spoke up next, his tone gentle and easy, knowing how to handle his best friend’s feelings:

“Hey, I still have a month left on my lease in my LA apartment here. If you guys need to, you can stay there for as long as you need.”

“Are you sure?” Tyler perked up in surprise, “I know you had some more stuff to move.”

“Just some big furniture and a few kitchen stuff,” Josh shrugged, “The TV and cable still work, too, if you need it. I don’t mind, really Ty, you can use it if you need.”

Tyler thought about it and looked over at you. Realistically, it was the best option. A flight in a busy airport would be rough, given Tyler’s fame. Besides, going to Columbus and facing his wife when you couldn’t be further than six feet from the man would be…awkward, to say the least, especially after the teary panic that telling her in the first place had put you guys through. Time completely alone in a private space was, really, what all soulmates needed in their first period of bonding, most experts said. You lived with your roommates, which wouldn’t make for a lot of privacy given their own excitement over Twenty One Pilots. You eventually nodded to Tyler, who looked back at Josh with a thin smile, “Yeah, that works…Thanks, Josh.”

“‘Course.” Josh smiled, happy to have helped in his own way.

“Well, guess that settles it,” Mark clapped his hands, “Let’s get you guys fed and checked out, Josh and I have an afternoon flight, so you’ll have to get to the apartment yourselves if that’s okay.”

“I can give you the keys when we leave,” Josh added.

And, well, that was the plan.

Chapter 9 Chapter Text

The Uber ride was quiet enough. The old man behind the wheel didn’t seem to recognize or care about who you and Tyler were, so long as you remembered to take your bags out from his trunk at the end of the trip. You fidgeted in the seat the whole time, uncomfortable in the situation but slightly okay with it due to Tyler’s presence (which felt equally as nervous as yours).

“I only have a one-night supply of clothes,” You told him in a whisper, “And they’re pretty dirty…”

“Josh has a washing machine,” Tyler returned, equally quiet, “But we can get you new clothes…if you’re worried?”

“Nah, that’s too much,” You shook your head with a sigh, “I’ll live with the two sets I got, I suppose.”

“You can wear something of mine or Josh’s if you need, he says he doesn't mind what we did, so long as we put it back before we leave.”

Leave…You sighed. Unsureness built up in your chest as the unknown factors of the next ten days began to overwhelm you.

By the time you over-thought it too hard, though, you had arrived at a rather nice, modern looking building. It was at least six stories high and, god, did you hope that Josh did NOT live on the top floor. You helped Tyler with the bags, thanked the driver as he sped off, and looked upwards with a hard knot in your stomach. Tyler exhaled a soft ‘c’mon’ to you, beckoning you to follow him as he walked forward and entered the building.

The lobby was quiet, nothing but a few bike racks and a doorway to the mailroom before it led you to an elevator and matching hallway for the first floor. Tyler held a FOB key to the elevator and it rang with a pleasant ding as it pulled apart its steel doors. You followed Tyler in and couldn’t help the relief that washed over you when he hit the third floor. Better than the sixth, by half at least. You chuckled at your small joke, and you looked to see Tyler pursing his lips to suppress a small smile. He must have felt that amusem*nt. You hoped he wouldn’t ask you what was so funny, because really it probably wasn’t.

The both of you walked down a hallway until you reached the apartment at the end. Tyler pulled a key on the same keychain as the FOB and stuck it into the lock, allowing it to open up easily. The two of you entered a room that smelled warmly of sandalwood and floor polish from a fresh clean. True to Josh’s words, he was moving out slowly but surely. The room felt more like it was ready for showing than it was a home.. There was a rug in the living room with a used leather couch on top of it, facing a credenza with a large television set on it, a few cables of internet and entertainment sticking messily out behind it.

You walked in, rolling your suitcase behind you and craning your neck around the space. There was no art on the walls anymore, but there were lighter spots where they once were. The kitchen was to the left of the living room, a granite countertop opening to the space with a fridge, microwave, stovetop, and a few leftover pots and pans. Bare essentials. You opened up a cabinet curiously. There was some ramen, hot sauce, and a few other canned things. Barely anything, though. You’d have to go shopping for the next ten days. The thought made you frown.

“The bathroom’s at the end of the hall,” Tyler called from an entryway to the right of the living room, pointing down it, “It’s a one bedroom, though, same hall.”

You nodded at him, already accepting the fact that you two would have to share yet another bed over the amount of time you’d be together. So you followed him down the hall and into the bedroom, with a simple bed and dresser combo along with a ceiling fan with a light. You put your bag on one side of the bed, claiming it as your own while Tyler took the other side, placing his stuff at the foot of it as he pulled off his shoes to tuck them there too. You did the same, unsure of Josh’s own rules about household shoes. Either way, you didn’t want to wear them unless you had to. The carpet was soft under your socks and you sighed comfortably at the relief your feet felt.

Then there was that terse silence again. You stared across the bed at Tyler as he did the same. This was going to be a long ten days, you thought with only a tinge of bitterness to it. Now that you were here, though, completely alone with him you felt…awkward. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with the situation anymore, to be honest. The world had taken it so far out of your control already, could you even do anything?

“Are you…We should..” Tyler seemed to be trying to think of something to do with you, equally desperate to fill the space instead of doing what you two needed to truly do. With a sigh, you figured it was time to bite the bullet.

“We need to talk, Tyler.”

He tensed, unhappy with the idea, but relented with a nod of his head. You hopped onto the bed, crossing your legs and patting the other side of it in an invitation. He followed after you. You both sat on the bed, sinking the soft mattress under your weight. You looked at your lap and tried to think of where to begin, if you could at all. You settled with the first thing on your mind, blurting it out before you could think:

“Are your supplements the same as mine? Y’know…What the doctor gave us.”

“Oh.” Tyler sat up a little, “Um, when I looked, yeah. I think the only difference was you had a B-12 on yours?”

“Yeah, I’m a little deficient in it.” You admitted with a shrug, “Um. So we should probably get those at some point. Also all the kitchen has is two packs of ramen and some canned potatoes in the pantry, so…”

“Yeah, we should pick up food too.” Tyler agreed.

“Should we?” You worried slightly, “I mean, that picture of us at the concert is huge. What if someone, y’know, recognizes you?”

“Yeah…yeah.” Tyler sighed, “Um…Instacart maybe?”

“Oh, right, that works.”

“Okay, yeah, we can do that.”

You thought a little more, your mind searching for something to talk about. Anything but what you knew you had to. Your palms were sweating a little, but Tyler beat you to your worries as he adjusted his position and murmured, “Is there anything you want to…any rules you want to put in place these next few days? Boundaries?”

Boundaries, right. You gave a small nod ‘yes’ as he asked, and he listened curiously as you spoke.

“Um, I’d like to do showers where one of us just. Waits outside the tub and the other showers. Might be better for, y’know, privacy. Also, that um…The kiss we did. Probably shouldn’t happen again, should it?”

“No, probably not.” Tyler sounded almost pained to admit it. There was a regret that filled your lungs and you exhaled it out best you could, closing your eyes as you nodded to him.

“Alright,” You agree, “No kissing, then. I uh…only have…one more thing.”

He waits for you, and you almost regret saying it.

“...Are you going to Separate from me after this?”

Tyler startled at your question, and panic set in your mind. You knew it was his as he swallowed nervously and averted his eyes from you. He chewed at the inside of his cheek as he considered your question honestly for a few moments. Then, the words you knew would be spoken but ached nonetheless came from his mouth like a slap in the face:

“If I can…then probably. I…need to be with Jenna. She’s my wife.”

You knew he’d choose her, but that didn’t make it any easier. You weren’t ready to accept the fact that your soulmate was going to leave you after bonding. You didn’t want to think about the loneliness that would have you at the end of ten days. So, instead, you pushed it away by rubbing your face with your palms and wiping the tears that formed from your eyes before Tyler could suspect them.

“Look,” You spoke in a sad whisper, “I’m…sorry you have to be with me this week. I’m sorry I ruined the end of the tour for you, I really am. I want to make this work for the days we’re here together and…I’m going to try and be, like, not a piece of sh*t. I just…You have to understand how hard it is for me to hear that my soulmate…doesn’t want to be with me. I…”

This time the tears welled in your eyes visibly. You wiped them off, “I’m not trying to guilt you, really. I just need you to understand why I’m…like this. Why I’ll be like this for a while. If that makes sense.”

When you looked up, your stomach dropped. Tyler was gazing at you with those soft, warm brown eyes of his. His brows were knit and his lips were pursed with a pain behind them, aching and shocked all at once. You inhaled and held it as he gazed at you. You felt like something divine under his stare, divine and fallen and broken just as you knew you had always been. Unlovable by anyone, even the person who you were tied to by fate. You shuddered under that pitying gaze, anger and frustration building up like bile in your stomach.

“Y/N I’m sorry,” Tyler’s tone was as honest as it could be as he moved his hand out. He touched your own, a gesture of comfort that shot sparks up your spine as he leaned in, “If it were before I met her or…I don’t know, any other time I’d…”

You pulled your hand away and stood up quickly, brushing your shirt off. A sniffle hid the sob that wanted to break you. It didn’t matter, you thought bitterly, he would feel it either way.

“Let’s try to get those groceries. I have a coupon on my Instacart app, I think.”

Chapter 10 Chapter Text

In the end, your coupon didn’t work and you both had to pay full price for the groceries.

Tyler put it on one of his cards, and you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at your lack of funds in comparison to him. Then again, he was a very famous singer with royalties on songs you couldn’t even imagine. You were working a simple retail job in comparison, barely worth the $16 minimum wage you earned. Still, it was annoying, just a little bit. Yet you watched the app carefully in the silence of the living room as Tyler stood at the television in a desperate attempt to figure out how Josh plugged in his cable. When the shopper left the bags at the door and headed out, you and Tyler snuck to the front entrance and quickly dragged the bags into your new home for the next several days.

The both of you had agreed to a half and half shopping trip of your and his favorite snacks and foods. Tyler’s bag was a series of mac ‘n cheeses, some mineral waters, and chips and other treats. You observed them curiously as you put your own food away, watching him look over the packaging for each item for a few moments before putting them in the pantries. You tried to put some of your own boxed goods in a nearby tall cupboard, frowning when even the tips of your toes couldn’t fully reach the section just yet.

“Let me…”

Tyler was behind you suddenly, his hand reached around your own to slowly take the box from you. You inhaled sharply as his back pressed against yours for a few moments in order to help you reach the shelf and put it away. You could feel his breath steady on you, the rise and fall of his chest close to your head as he moved. You looked up a little behind you, watching his neck bob so close by. You were fascinated. Entranced. Tyler looked down at you in return, and a feeling of bursting affection overran your stomach as you looked back. You couldn’t tell if it was his or your own. Perhaps it was both.

As soon as it happened, however, it was over. Tyler cleared his throat as he pulled away, hurrying to put the rest of his own snacks away. You bit the inside of your cheek, but said nothing else as you did the same.

Eventually all the groceries were put away. The sunset began faster than you had expected, warm LA glows of oranges and pinks filling the room through the large windows on one side of the living room. You stared out for a few moments, admiring the beauty of the sun over the skyline of such a big, bustling city.

You wondered how many soulmates were enjoying their time together. How many people were quiet and waiting for theirs. How many children were coming home from school after learning about how threads are formed…

Your head started to hurt after a while, and you moved away.

“Do you want to do anything for dinner?” Tyler asked as he approached your side. You wondered how long he was watching you, but you decided not to think about that too much. With a shrug, you took a moment to consider the question.

“Something easy, I suppose,” You mused, “I don’t. Really want to put in effort for food right now.”

Tyler’s laugh was breathy, a sign he agreed with you as the both of you meandered back into the kitchen.

You settled on a bowl of yogurt and oats for your dinner, filling but easy to stir together in the fugue state you felt you were in. Tyler filled a cup of instant ramen with hot water for himself. The both of you found yourselves crawling back to the couch afterwards, Tyler picking up the remote to turn on the screen.

“Josh has Netflix and Hulu still on here,” Tyler stated as he hit the Netflix app icon, “Anything you want to watch?”

You shrugged, not really caring what was put on, “You can choose.”

“Alright.”

It was some sort of reality tv show that he ended up putting on that you couldn’t bear to pay attention to as you ate your meal. The sense you get from Tyler was that he wasn’t too into it either, which made you all the more confused as to why he chose it in the first place. That is, until you looked over at him and saw him tucked on the opposite end of the couch to you, back against the armrest and feet up with him as he stared at you. You assumed the same position as him on the other side of the couch and stared back at him curiously.

“I…think we should talk.” Tyler states.

“We’ve done that already.” Your statement was dry, showing off your disappointment.

“No, I mean,” Tyler bit his lip for a moment to think before continuing, “I want to get to know you.”

“Get to know me?”

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve only really talked about…This-” He raised his right hand to show you the thread - “And I think that there’s more to both of us than that…and I’d like to know about you more, y’know?”

“Like…Likes and dislikes?”

“Yeah, and what you do. Your favorite hobbies? I don't know just…I think. This’ll be less awkward if we just understand one another a bit more. Just because it’s like this doesn’t mean I don’t…want to make sure we’re both at least comfortable.”

You considered his proposal while popping a mouthful of yogurt and oats, chewing on the sweet vanilla flavor. You supposed avoiding Tyler and keeping your guard up this entire experience would do more harm than good to the both of you. Besides, from your…moments, together, he didn’t seem like a bad guy. There was only one real way to find out, though, and eventually you relented with a slow nod of your head at him.

“Yeah,” You agree, “Alright, um…how should we do this?”

And with that the both of you sat across from one another on the couch, simply chatting about things. You started with your pasts, sharing soft and general knowledge about where you both grew up, what clubs you were in, and how you were as kids. Side tangents grew more and more as the both of you located common ground within your stories, smiling over nostalgic movies and bickering over your different candy preferences. At some point you had begun a rather impressively detailed rant about your favorite television series, to which Tyler paid attention to with great interest.

The longer the both of you talked, the easier it felt to be around him. The grounds of familiarity softened your harsher edges as trust seemed to resonate between your bodies. As you poured your amusem*nts and feelings out to one another, you felt less like you were talking to a stranger and more like you were talking to a new friend, someone you wanted to get to know rather than being forced to. He was, you had to admit, a great guy. His smile was contagious and his jokes made you laugh in spite of yourself. He was…easy to be around when you got him talking without soft, scared tones and startled looks of pity.

When he smiled it was a genuine, wide, and bright thing on his mouth that squinted his brown eyes. His cheeks warmed with red blushes that looked so hot against his copper skin tone that you wondered if he got flushed easily. The both of you had sat up after a while, leaning in close to chat while your foods rested forgotten on the coffee table. One of you had made a particularly hilarious joke and the sound of your genuine, cackling laughter filled the room. It drowned out Netflix swiftly as you leaned forward and reached out, putting a hand on Tyler’s knee and gripping with a friendly flex.

Tyler shivered and gasped through his laugh with you, reaching out with equal friendliness and placing it on your shoulder. The both of you leaned in and felt your foreheads collide with an accidentally powerful amount of force. You cried out and your second hand flew up to cover the throbbing bump. Tyler did the same, a startled grunt coming from him as well as he rubbed the spot with a pout. You looked up with knit eyebrows, “Oof, you okay?”

He nodded as he pulled his hand away from his forehead, brows furrowing. Out of concern you pulled your hand away from your own and leaned to touch at his. Your fingers brushed gently on his forehead, making him wince a little out of pain. You winced with him, feeling the gentle throb of your own forehead grow for just a moment. Still he leaned into your touch after a few seconds, allowing your finger to graze his temple and then his frontal lobe to feel for any bumps or bruises that might be forming.

You were lost in your own examinations until his breath hitched. Focusing back on reality, you froze when you realized how close you had brought yourself to his face. His breath warmed your lips as yours did his. You tensed up, cheeks flushing as you realized your mistake in this situation. That same weird, hypermagnetic attraction began to demand you bring yourself closer to him. To hold him in your arms. To wrap yourself around him and never let go.

So you let go and pulled yourself up off him. You returned to your corner of the couch, grabbing at your now soggy oats and yogurt and shoving a spoonful in your mouth. Tyler grabbed his own ramen cup and did the same, turning back to the Netflix screen and grabbing the remote to find something to watch again. You tried not to think about the awkward silence too much, simply following the scrolling of the screen with your eyes until something caught it. Swallowing, you waved your hand at Tyler for his attention.

“No, wait, back up one.” You demanded, and he complied. The selection box hovered over ‘How I Met Your Mother’, allowing the trailer to play on mute on the screen above the title box.

“Isn’t that the show that was on the cable?” You wondered.

“I don’t know.” Tyler shrugged, the memory clearly not as fresh in his mind as it was your own. Still, you recognized the stupid protagonist and the blonde guy who wore the suits and you gave a nod of confirmation and interest. Tyler stared at the screen for a few moments, reading the description with curiosity.

“Sounds pretty cheesy,” He commented with a half smile, “want to watch it?”

“Yes, yes I do.” You returned, laughing at the thought of actively paying attention to such a silly sitcom. Still, there was nothing else to do and this seemed to be the only thing you’d want to agree on for now. So Tyler hit the Season 1, Episode 1 button and the show began to play, a soft and cheesy musical theme song as you leaned on your designated arm rest and watched.

You both watched episode after episode, laughing at various parts and commenting idly on others. Sometimes you made fun of the show, mimicking stupid lines or complaining about a joke set-up, but other times you got a little too into the plot for both your own good. Small rising comments about certain events were spoken in earnest, which developed into conversations that attempted to predict the season finale. Soon the both of you were too tired to keep talking, settling on resting with your backs properly on the sofa itself, leaning with finished bowls on the coffee table. You weren’t sure how late it got, or how many episodes the both of you watched before your eyes began to grow heavy with sleep. Try as you might to fight it, it overtook you rather quickly as the words of the on screen characters turned into idle sounds in the background, fading soon into nothingness as you settled into your nap.

Chapter 11 Chapter Text

You woke up with a groggy mind and a dry mouth. You felt your eyes stick together from the dryness of the room, and you craved a sip of water as you stirred yourself slowly awake. You were comfortable and warm, however, which made the mere concept of getting up to do anything an intensely unpleasant one. Your brows furrowed as you shifted, adjusting your position on the comfortable, warm space you were laying on. You shut your eyes and sighed, relishing in the heartbeat and slow breathing beneath you. Of the arms around your body, pulling you closer as you nuzzled against-

Tyler?

You groggily looked up, squinting through the darkness. The sun had long set, bathing the room in the silence of night. The television was dark, a single white text of ‘Are You Still Watching?’ bathing you in a static glow. It was so bright for your exhausted eyes that it nearly blinded you as you looked over at it. With a huff you pulled your eyes away to look forward instead, finding yourself nestled comfortably on Tyler’s chest as his arms held you close on top of him.

He was dead asleep, as you had been moments before. His head was resting on the arm of the couch behind him, tilted to the side to expose his long neck and stubbly chin to you. His eyelashes were long, bathed in the light of the television next to you. It was like you could see each individual lash even in the darkness. His round face was comfortably nestled in his hoodie, and his breathing was a comfortable steadiness that indicated his sound rest. His heartbeat rang in your ears and, with your chin on his chest, you could feel it thumping beneath you in a steady thrum.

You moved a hand up, freeing it from his grip on you, and used it to feel the warmth on his chest. His hoodie was soft, and smelled like his natural musk mixed with a light spray of cologne. You bit your lip, flushed at the feeling of him. Of the way his thread wrapped around your body, tying you up in the fate of his embrace. No one had ever held you like this before and, without Tyler, you didn’t think anyone ever would again. The thought scared you enough to whimper softly, burying your face back into him and holding him there. You were tired enough not to fight the instinct of his closeness. You accepted it with warmth as his fingers pressed into your sides. Eyes fluttering shut, you let yourself fall back asleep once more, content to pass the evening off as a dream if you had to.

***

You awoke the next morning alone on the couch. The scent of sweetened vanilla filled the air around you, and your stomach hummed in a desperate appreciation for whatever the smell was. Rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes, you blinked through the sunlight that filtered through the window. Your stomach and fingers ached with a needy thrumming. A missing feeling that made you want to cry. Your eyes darted around frantically, wondering what it was that was missing. What was it that was making you feel like you needed to cry?

“Y/N? Are you awake?”

You looked over the back of the couch, heart pounding. Tyler’s head popped around the corner of the kitchen, displaying him in a white t-shirt with a spatula in one hand. His hair was tousled, a messy signature bed head recognizable by anyone. Around his torso and tied at his waist with a petite strip of fabric ribbon was a pastel yellow apron with the embroidery of a bee on the front. The words threaded into the skirt of the apron read ‘Bee Happy!’ in a barely legible white cursive. You stared at him as he waited for your answer, blinking away his own sleep as he did so.

“...Is that Josh’s apron?” you couldn’t help but wonder groggily.

Tyler looked down at the apron before at you again with a sheepish smile, “I think Debby’s mom got it for him for his birthday one year as a joke? He keeps it here for whatever reason.”

“I think I can see the reason,” You joked with a smile, “But it looks good on you.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, very Midwestern Housewife of you, honestly.”

“At least I’m making pancakes and not whipped cream salad.”

You laughed incredulously at the thought of Tyler as a midwestern mom, and his own ringing melody joined you as you entered the kitchen to stand with him, gravitating towards his vicinity despite yourself. Sure enough, the vanilla scent was coming from a stack of warm pancakes at the side of a sizzling cast iron pan. The final pancake was cooking inside, fluffing up nicely at the sides as Tyler lifted the edge slightly to test it. You eyed the stack of breakfast foods with excitement.

“They look great.” You complimented with genuine awe, “I always burn my pancakes when I make them.”

“The trick is not to turn the heat too high.”

“But doesn’t that make them cook faster?”

“No!”

He looked at you incredulously before flipping the pancake, revealing a golden brown texture. You raised an impressed eyebrow, looking from the pancake to the guy cooking it. He raised an eyebrow of confusion before you shrugged in his direction with a surprised expression on your face. “Hey, I didn’t think you could cook.”

At least you were honest. The words spurred Tyler to splutter a laugh as he pulled the pancake from the griddle and flipped it into the existing stack, both sides perfectly golden as he did so.

“You think I have a private chef or something?” He grinned, all laugh lines and twinkling eyes as amusem*nt flooded his senses, making you equally as lighthearted as you stuck out your tongue and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Maybe? Shut up! It’s, like, a thing celebrities have right?”

“A-list ones maybe, but not me.”

“OH, I’d say you’re pretty A-list.”

It was his turn to make a face at the statement, though he almost viewed it as more of an accusation, and you couldn’t stop the laugh that blew through your mouth as you tried to cover it. Tyler raised the spatula in his hand, lightly tapping your shoulder with no real force to the movement before tilting his head in a gesture for you to come over to him. Breakfast was ready, and you joined him in stacking your plate of pancakes and sitting on the kitchen counter as Tyler all but drowned his stack in maple syrup and butter.

“Damn, save some for the rest of us.” You teased as he handed you the rest of the bottle, to which you pour a simple amount at the side of your plate for dipping. The two of you ate your pancakes for a few moments in silence, simply savoring the sweet flavor of each bite. Truly, they were good pancakes, you gave him that. They melted in your mouth with just the right amount of sweet. He was checking his phone as he chewed, scrolling through what you can only imagine were messages and notifications for apps he had and talks with others. His friends. You frown.

Was he talking to Mark about everything? Jenna? You shuddered and tried to push the feeling from your mind before Tyler got wind of it. The tightness in his shoulders signaled his attentiveness as he bit into his pancakes, more of an avoidance than a need to consume them. You tried to shrug it off, in favor of clearing your throat.

“What do you want to do today?”

“I don’t know,” He returned with a light shrug, “We’re kind of laying low, right? Probably can’t go out.”

“Yeah,” You sighed, rubbing your hand over your face for a second in thought, “We fell asleep during How I Met Your Mother. We could pick that back up? Might have to go back a few episodes, though. There’s those exercises the Doctor gave us in that little pamphlet, too, for soulmate stuff if we have pains and- Oh, right! Tyler, the vitamins.”

You got a strange wave of affection that warmed you as Tyler stared through your soul, his lips pulled in a line before he cleared his throat and put his fork down, “Right, yeah, right. I’ll get them. I put them on the top shelf.”

He put the vitamins together for you and handed you the ones from your list before gathering his own. Though most of them were the same, a few were adjusted in dosage to account for the difference in your body weight. You swallowed them down with a bite of pancake and a sip of water, and Tyler copied you as the both of you finished up your breakfast.

“How I Met Your Mother sounds good,” Tyler finally responded, “Maybe one of those exercises too. How does your…y’know, feel?”

You considered his question, looking down at your fingertip for a few moments to gauge the feeling.

“It’s throbbing…A little sore,” You admit, bending your finger with a wince. You hadn’t noticed it in the grogginess of your waking up, but now that you were settling into the morning the ache of it became more and more noticeable. It was more like a bee sting than a general bone ache, however. Your right finger throbbed with inflammation and desperation. It felt like that worried feeling you woke up to as you searched for the thing you were missing without fully knowing what it was.

Or you did know, and you just tried to ignore it.

“Mine is too,” Tyler commented with a small sigh, “Let’s do one of those.”

***

You both ate and put the dishes into the sink before returning to the couch you had fallen asleep on. Sitting down, Tyler remained across from you with a book in his cross-legged lap. It was the brochure (though with its thickness it might as well have been a Bible) with all of the necessary questions and exercises needed for new soulmates to bond more thoroughly. Sections divided between frequently asked, exercises for pain, loneliness, aching…Tyler’s brows knit as he tried to figure out which one to choose for the both of you to do. You looked over at the brochure from your spot, reading upside down as best you could as you tried to figure out just what it was you both needed to do for yourselves to ease the ache.

“Anything standing out?” You asked curiously. Tyler shrugged, a rosy blush dusting his cheeks.

“A lot of these are for, um…” He tries to find the respectful words without sounding strange, “Soulmates who are more ... .intimate.”

“Intimate?”

“Intimate.”

“Can I read through it?”

“I-uh…Y-Yeah.”

He handed you the brochure. It was every bit as heavy on your lap as you imagined. Biting your lip, your eyes scanned over the pages labeled ‘Thread Exercises for Soreness’ to see what suggested bulletin points and paragraphs it had for your use. With a finger on the line you were reading, you followed along with the introduction blurb with a thoughtful gaze:

‘...It is common for newly bonded soulmates to experience tenderness around the thread finger for the first several days of connection. Call your Specialist if there is any rash, swelling, or redness located in or around the area. The following are exercises you and your soulmate can do to alleviate the symptoms effectively:

The most common cure for thread soreness is thread closeness. Holding your threaded hands together with your soulmate can help strengthen the core of your thread, releasing pressure.

In some cases it may be necessary for Soulmates to become physically intimate with one another to fully relax the pain. The bonding of bodies fully i through intercourse is able to-’

You put the brochure down and blushed at the mention of intercourse, understanding now why Tyler reacted the way he did. You bit your lip, avoiding his gaze as you cleared your throat and pointed to the first bulletin on the page with a shuffle or your body. “Uh, at least the first one is doable, right?” You offered awkwardly, “Holding hands doesn’t sound too bad. We can watch more "How I Met Your Mother" while we do it.”

Tyler nodded, not trusting his words as he tried to keep his eyes off you. You felt a stirring in your stomach, awkward and…unique. It sent tingles down your sides and you shivered slightly, goosebumps raising on your skin as your brows furrowed. What was this he was feeling? You tried to pinpoint the feeling, only to hear Tyler clear his throat at you in a soft reminder. Looking over at his side, his hand was out to you and waiting patiently.

You stared at his open palm for a few moments, tracing the lines and cracks on it curiously with your eyes. His slim fingers caught your attention again, their curvature bent perfectly for piano as you knew they were.The tips of them were calloused, likely from other instruments and hard work. Signs he put passion into what he cared about. You snapped yourself out of your trance long enough to nod and give him your threaded hand in return, holding them in one another.

Instantly a relief to the soreness was felt and you sighed in contentment. Tyler let out his own breath of comfort, his free left hand fumbling with the remote to put on your sitcom and get comfortable. You scooted closer to him as he found the episode you had fallen asleep at, turning it on. The theme song hummed through the apartment as you leaned back and watched the show.

The both of you focused on the television, relaxing into one another’s touches as you did so. Soon you had almost completely forgotten you were holding his hand, busy focusing on the unimportant plotline of two characters who had gotten into some sort of generic, teasing shenaniganry. That was, until you felt Tyler’s thumb brush over your skin. You cast your gaze to the side, not making your action too obvious.

Tyler seemed enthralled in the show, a smile on his face as he found a joke funny. If he noticed he was doing what he was doing, he didn’t give it away. Your gaze followed your fingertips, watching as they entwined neatly with his own. His thumb was on the side of your hand, giving it little rubs back and forth, seeming to revel in the softness of the area as he did so. You followed the movement curiously, thinking back to the brochure’s statement about intimacy and closeness.

Did physical intimacy really just mean sex? It was separate from intercourse. It could have just meant what you were doing last night, holding him close and feeling his body on yours. Just that was enough to lull you into a contented safeness the previous night. Should you tell Tyler that’s what you could try? But the embarrassment of asking him to cuddle when holding hands was already so strange. It wasn’t something you were sure you could bring yourself to do. Still the image of resting on top of Tyler as he laid down flashed in your mind. He held you so close…

You flushed as you allowed your mind the fantasy of imagining the scene, but it got away from you despite yourself. Curiosity won over logic as you tried to imagine what Tyler would be like in initiating something more…close. Intimate.

Would his fingers rub circles on your hips like he was doing to your hand? His lips could find your forehead, kissing it before bringing you up closer to him so that the very same mouth could trail softly down your neck. You thought about if you would like his teeth nibbling at your jugular while those long piano fingers traced up your spine, making you squirm and moan as he scratched down your shoulder blades with blunt nails. Would his mouth taste like the pancakes you ate this morning? Sweet vanilla and a trail of vitamin flavor at the end? If you rolled your hips enough against his, would he moan breathily? Would it be as beautiful as some of the vocals you heard over the speaker of your friend’s phone when the both of you were getting ready for the concert?

Your body tingled, running wild with a sudden wave of arousal and - dammit - this was the opposite of what you wanted. The warmth of the fantasy consumed you and you bit your lip, trying to avoid looking at Tyler at all now. If he could feel what you were feeling (and you knew he could) you weren’t sure if you could handle his reaction. In a way, you were already pretty sure what he would say, so bringing it up wasn’t even an option. His thumb had stopped rubbing your skin and his hand squeezed yours with a sudden intensity. You stiffened slightly, focusing on the show.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Tyler declared after a few moments, releasing your hand and standing up hurriedly. You watched him, not being able to get a word in before he hurried down the hall. You heard the bathroom door shut and you bit your lip worriedly. You weren’t supposed to be far from him, the feet separating you two now was already becoming far too much. An overwhelming sense of longing overcame you and you wondered if he could feel it too. Yet, that feeling was overridden by a strange, warm pleasure. A hot shame mixed with a neediness that nearly knocked you out. Your brows furrowed. Had you upset him that much with your feelings? You rarely let yourself control your thoughts, your mind normally being a place of safety for your emotions, but this wasn’t the case anymore. It brought about stress that is only worsened by the distance.

You couldn’t help yourself as you stood up and trotted quietly down the hall after Tyler, needy for his presence even if it was through a door while he used the bathroom. So you did just that, sliding quietly next to the door and leaning on the wall to wait patiently for him to finish inside. You cast a glance curiously, frowning as you noted that the door was slightly ajar. A towel with its edge just poking out of the doorway was the culprit, blocking it from fully shutting by a few inches at best. You made all the more effort not to look too far in that direction, leaning on the wall with the back of your head on the cool surface, gazing at the pictures hanging on the opposite side with idle interest.

A surge of hunger and arousal hit you in a way that made you winded. You covered your mouth to stop the gasp, but the air was filled with a different, breathy moan. Your body froze, eyes widening as you tried to suppress your surprise. You strained your ears. You could hear another echoing moan and a wetter, more consistent sound. You knew what it was before you could even consider looking, yet, your curious eyes needed confirmation. To avoid any awkwardness caused by your own assumptions. You moved as quietly as you could, straining your eyes through the thin gap of the door that failed to shut.

Chapter 12 Chapter Text

Your eyes caught the sliver of Tyler in the lit bathroom, one hand on the wall above the open toilet bowl while the other held his co*ck in a trembling grip. His head lolled forward and his eyes were shut, those pouty lips were open as he panted through his arousal. You watched with fascination as he worked his hand up and down his hardened member. It was long and curved, red at the tip and leaking precum down into the toilet bowl below as he gripped it in firm strokes. The arm holding the wall was trembling to keep himself up as he tugged at himself. His pants were hanging at his ankles and his boxers were just pushed down his hips, enough to have himself out of their confines. The sight made your own insides throb needily and you bit your lip, his sensation of arousal combined with the sight in front of you sparking your own.

He could feel it too, you supposed, if his whimper and quickening hand motion were any sign. His eyes were screwed tightly closed, lost in his own pleasure as your own remained glued to his co*ck. His hand worked himself faster, thumbing over his tip and pressing down to make himself gasp. You heard in the tightening of his voice that he was about to cum soon, and the overriding pleasure coursing through your own veins made you keep your eyes on him with fascination.

There were a few more tugs as his hips pistoned forward, chasing his high by f*cking himself into his own hand. He tucked his head forward as he moaned, a beautiful and melodic sound that was everything you had imagined moments before and more. It was the name he called, however, that made your heart jump up in surprise.

“Y/N…” He gasped, and suddenly he was cumming. White, sticky spurts were tugged from his dick as he worked himself through his org*sm, sending a wave of pleasure over your own body as he painted the inside of the toilet bowl with his release. In that moment the reality of your life overwhelmed you and the shame that you were sure was that both of yours stumbled into your heart once more.

He called your name. That was your name on his lips. Not his wife’s.

Tyler may have moaned your name, you realized, but you would never know him like his wife would. Your fantasy of feeling his fingers trail up your body, of that co*ck you were staring at inside of you, would never happen. He would never touch you like he touched her. Like he touched himself. Your heart dropped into your gut and you felt tears well in your eyes. As you stared at Tyler still, he wiped away his own tears in surprise, the wetness on his cheeks not his own but yours as you felt them leak down your face.

It was then that he finally looked up, turning his face to the door and seeing the sliver that didn’t close. Seeing your gaze peeking through the space. His eyes widened and shame flooded your gut faster than any of the tears did. They dried up in your eyes as you flushed red. Rubbing your cheeks, you moved yourself from the door and hurried immediately back into the living room, throwing yourself onto your corner of the arm rest and curling up with a throw pillow in your lap. You hugged it, burying your face into the rough, decorative material as you did so.

You didn’t know how long it was before Tyler finally came out of the bathroom, but he did eventually. His weight shifted the couch as he took his own seat on the opposite end, quiet and unsure as he pressed play on the show again without another word. You exhaled shakily, sticking your eyes over the pillow to watch the show, but refusing to make eye contact with him. Your thread still hurt, but you were determined to ignore it now. Determined not to pay attention to it or him until the shame died down.

That didn’t seem to be Tyler’s intention, however, as he began to speak.

“I’m…Um…sorry.” He whispered out, “I shouldn’t have. It was just I-”

“It’s fine,” You interrupted after a few moments, “It’s natural. I…I don’t think, with the tour and not being in a private space that you’ve been able to…”

“...No, I…haven’t. It’s not that I…I don’t do it all the time but I just-”

“I said it’s fine,” You spoke the word a little too sharply for your own liking, “Urges and all.”

“Urges, yeah.”

There was silence as you watched. At some point Tyler left and brought back a laptop you assumed he had packed for his trip. He opened it and begins typing up some things, focusing more on his work on it than the show you were now vaguely enthralled in. You didn’t ask about what he was doing, too ashamed to face him as you picked at the pillow in your arms before going on your phone yourself. Boredom eventually overcame you as you began to play small game apps you found saved, idly sorting water and playing solitaire alongside sitting through the ads for each one.

Against your better judgment, you re-downloaded Twitter too. Checking out your feed, you weren’t fully surprised to see people discussing theories about Tyler Joseph alongside yourself, figuring out where you were both now and what was going to happen. You hit the Tyler Joseph tag without much thinking about it, curiosity getting the better of you as you judged what others were saying throughout it. Some were nice while others were nasty, but you felt something other than shame when you were reading them, at least.

‘Tyler would NEVER cheat on Jenna, he’s going to get a Separation from this person.’ One tweet read.

‘If Tyler and Jenna divorce over this I’m going to kms.’ Another read, making you frown.

‘Guys can we just respect Tyler’s privacy this time? I’m sure he and his new soulmate are going through a lot.’ Someone chimed in.

‘POLL TIME! Do you think Tyler Joseph is gonna separate from his soulmate?’ You didn’t click the poll buttons for that one, instead closing the app and sighing.

You finally risked a glance at Tyler, not too surprised to find him staring back at you with worry in his eyes. You risked a small half-smile to him, which he returned. You pursed your lips, rubbing the back of your neck as you tried to find words for him. You settled eventually on a question:

“Do you want to forget about that?”

“Yeah, I’d like to.”

“Okay. How about lunch?”

“Sounds good.”

Chapter 13 Chapter Text

So the both of you let the incident go in favor of communication, loneliness clinging to your fears as you worried about losing the only other person you could talk to physically. Tyler eventually finished his work as well, the both of you bored of television. Instead you raided what was left of Josh’s video and board games to see what there was that could be played between the both of you. A couple of racing games alongside one copy of Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap was found as well as a few board games. Monopoly and Catan were the standout choices, though Candyland and The Game of Life were close behind. You found one puzzle of a dog, but it was about 10,000 pieces. Tyler didn’t even know why Josh had it, but that kind of made it unsurprising that it was left behind for a last minute move.

You were halfway through trying to read out the rules of Catan to Tyler (who got it even less than you did) when his cell phone rang. You both paused as he took it, and a wave of anxiety overcame you.

“It’s Jenna.” He said, nervous about worrying you. It didn’t stop the brief uncertainty, but you nodded for him to pick it up. He did, taking a breath as he answered.

“Hey Jenna.” He spoke, and there was a tone of affection in his voice that sparked a gut-raging regret inside of you. His smile was soft as he listened to his wife through the phone, a quirk of his lips as he hummed in agreement to something she said. He returned it with his own words, but you weren’t paying attention to them, feeling rude for interrupting a conversation not made for you. So you pretended to read over the rules still, distracted by the little things you could hear.

“We’re seeing the Doctor again in a couple days - yeah the halfway point - to see what we can do ... .Mhm…No, we don’t know yet…I….Um. I’ve been keeping it in mind ... .Huh?...You know that’s complicated…I haven’t told them no ... .Well if I can there’s no point in…Yeah, you’re right, the doctor probably saw it but…No? Oh right I see…Mhm. Yeah.”

The words made you cringe, unable to not pay attention now as you watched his lips as the things he said began to blur together. As he talked, Tyler’s voice pitched up into nervousness.

“Uh, yeah, they’re really nice…Mhm…No, just basic exercises so far. The vitamins are helping the most, I think…I…Um, don’t know I…Can we talk about that later? I’m kind of…Yeah, they are…I don’t think that’s…Oh, if you’re…sure? Okay.”

With that Tyler offered you his phone, and you stared at it in surprise. He shrugged with equal worry, “She wants to talk with you.”

Your palms grew clammy as you picked up Tyler’s phone, staring at the screen for a few moments before nervously putting it up to your ear. There was static silence on the other end and you eventually gathered the courage to whisper a soft ‘hello?’ into the device.

“Hi,” Jenna’s voice was very gentle as she spoke, giving away nothing but politeness, “Are you Y/N?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“I see…How are you doing with all this? How’s Tyler?”

“Um…I’m…doing okay. I think he’s okay too?”

“Hm,” There was amusem*nt in her voice now, “You’re not a good liar, Y/N.”

You tensed up, and she laughed on the other end as if she could feel it.

“It’s okay, Tyler isn’t either. It’s how I knew I’d need to dig around. How is he really?”

“I…He…” You purse your lips, “He misses you.”

She was quiet for a long moment, as if thinking, before she spoke again to you:

“I miss him too. Has he been okay to you?”

“Yes,” You can admit that without hesitation, “He’s been great.”

“Good, good…Well, it was nice meeting you, Y/N. I’m happy we could talk a little bit! Can I get him back?”

“Uh, sure. Good meeting you too, Mrs. Joseph.”

“Oh, come on, no one calls anyone ‘Mrs.’ anymore like that. Call me Jenna.”

“O-Okay, Jenna. Nice to meet you.”

You handed Tyler his phone back, and he eagerly takes it, fumbling as he holds it back to his ear. He and Jenna talk for a while longer before he hangs up, leaving the both of you tense as you stare at the board for the game idly.

“Did she…say anything to you?” Tyler eventually found the courage to ask. You considered your conversation with her for a few moments before shaking your head, “Not really She asked how you were and how I was doing. That’s pretty much it.”

He nodded, glad nothing else happened. Glad the incident from earlier didn’t come up. Still, your conversation only seemed to make your ache for Tyler all the stronger.

You gave up on the board game when it began to get dark, still not even figuring out how to start it together but at least learning how to set the pieces up. When you went to make dinner, you told Tyler about your family life as you cooked up a simple set of grilled cheeses and canned tomato soup for you both. You sat down and ate, laughing at a story from your childhood as he returned one of his own, embarrassing and matching the energy of yours. It had the both of you smiling through bites of soup, laughing in unison and spreading warmth in the room that wasn’t there before. The natural flow of your jokes and conversations wasn’t like you had with your friends before. You felt like he really understood the things you said. He was…attentive. His gaze held yours as he drank in your words, seemingly pleased to learn about you as you did him.

It was nice.

You stirred at your soup remains before you finally found the courage to ask something that had been on your mind.

“Tyler…Tonight can we…” You tried to word it best you could, “I…wanted to try cuddling tonight. On the bed.”

“Really?” He blinked. You nodded.

“I think the contact helps the bond,” You noted idly, “I feel….”

You faded, blushing at the words that wanted to come out of your mouth. Tyler remained silent, encouraging you to speak your mind as he did so.

“I feel safe when you hold me.”

It was his turn to blush, but he agreed. You both went back to eating your soup and grilled cheese.

Chapter 14 Chapter Text

When it got too late to want to do anything else, the both of you took turns changing into sleepwear for the night in the bathroom. This time, you kicked the towel out of the way to close the door fully. You slipped into a pair of silk pajama shorts and a plain tank top. Tyler donned a pair of loose boxers and a plain white t-shirt. The both of you crawled into the bed of the bedroom and sighed at the comfort the mattress brought after a night or two of nothing but being on a couch.

He crawled into the bed first, pulling back the covers and waiting for you patiently as you willed yourself into the bed with him. Once you were both under the covers, the dance of finding a comfortable position began. There were several moments of wiggling and adjusting before the both of you found a good enough position. Tyler spooned you as you held onto his arms around your waist. His back against yours, you could feel his steady breathing as he wiggled one last time before trying to sleep. You closed your own eyes, allowing his presence to relax you as you did so.

You faded into sleep easily, as did Tyler, but the dreams were another story.

That same monster chased you, its hunger insatiable as it called Tyler’s name over your own. It’s how you figured out it was Tyler’s dream in the end, claws scrabbling towards you and maw tearing itself open full of teeth and a letter shaped tongue. Your silent screams as you were dragged backwards against it faded. You startled yourself awake and Tyler did the same as you both gasped and coughed in unison, the night strangling you in heat and limbs as you figured out how to orient yourself against him properly.

You found yourself facing him, clinging to his torso as he clung to yours, sweaty foreheads pressed tightly together as you tried to remember how to calm yourself down. It took a while for both of you as you shook and held one another, eyes shut and each other’s presence the only comfort you had.

You held one another like that for a while, coming down from both your panics as you did so.

“...Are they always like this?” You croaked out, throat dry and worried.

Tyler, eyes still shut, sighed and gave a small nod, “They’ve always been like this.”

“Why?” In your sleepiness the question left you without time to consider its implications. Still, Tyler bit his lip for a moment then answered.

“Because I’m f*cked up.”

You hadn’t heard him curse since you met him, and the words are a surprise, but then an ache overcomes your chest as you frown. Reaching out, you put his cheek in your hand, rubbing a thumb along his stubble as you did so, feeling him. He leaned into it, as he always seemed to do, and exhaled shakily as you shook your head ‘no’ at him in return.

“You’re not f*cked up,” You answered gently, “You’re not your dreams. Or your illnesses. Or your mental stuff…they’re part of you but…You’re not just them.”

He laughed at your words, weak and soft as he nodded. You weren’t sure if he believed you. You weren’t sure if you were telling him things he’s heard hundreds of times before. You kept your hand on him, though, and he held you closer as you did so. You weren’t sure if he fell back asleep, but you did, and he did not stop holding you the entire night.

Chapter 15 Chapter Text

The next few days went the same way they had been going, only, you two became more relaxed around one another. When it was only the two of you making conversation, there was a lot to share about yourselves. You listened to Tyler talk about his music journey, his band, and his inspirations. He spoke on them with an overwhelming fondness. The same type of adoration one might give their first childhood crush. You were enthralled by the tales he spun of his journey from basem*nt shows in Columbus, Ohio to massive stages with thousands of people.

He also shared childhood tales that he seemed to have mixed feelings about. He talked about going to church every Sunday with his family, and how he hated the taste of the communion wafers. There were fond tales about basketball practice, but less interest about how people told him he should be in the NBA. You avoided the topics of how he met Jenna, but enjoyed the story of him meeting Josh and choosing him as his drummer. Stories about both of them and their shows. It was wonderful to hear them, and even greater to watch his face as he spoke.

You told him, in return, about your childhood growing up. The friends you had growing up, and the ones you had in college before you dropped out for a few years because of your own mental health. How you were hopefully going to start online classes again next semester when your financial aid went through properly. You told him about your roommates, and online friends who shared your interests. Of your own childhood growing up in your hometown and the adventures you got up to.

He listened to you with equal intensity. His eyes honed in on you as you spoke, making you all but squirm under his gaze, but his smiles and laughs at your stories encouraged you. He asked questions that brought about side conversations of stories you had nearly forgotten about. Some of your things weren’t that great, you had to admit, and some of his were not either. You almost felt you bonded more with him over the uncomfortable things rather than the soft, fond stories.

You both fell into a comfortable morning routine of waking up curled around one another, detangling, and brushing your teeth. You would change and eat breakfast, chatting together about your day plans, which were usually getting work done, talking, playing Catan (you guys had figured it out finally) and watching How I Met Your Mother. It grew from the feeling of living with a stranger to living with a friend. A friend you had to stay bonded to at all times, but a friend nonetheless.

On day 5 you woke up in your usual spot in Tyler’s arms, head buried in his chest as he enveloped you. You couldn’t help the small smile that spread on your lips as you sat there and enjoyed the comfort of his body heat. He stirred a little after you, yawning and resting his chin on your head with a sleepy smack of his lips. You yawned after him, sighing your soft ‘’morning’ as you usually did. He responded with one of his own, reaching around you to grab his phone and check its notifications. You kept your eyes closed as he held you to him for a bit absently.

“Oh,” He tapped you sleepily, “Doctor’s coming today.”

You squinted to remember why you needed a doctor. When it caught up with you, you made a tired ‘ah’ noise before pushing him gently off of you. He complied, rolling over onto his back with his phone, checking through notifications as you stretched your limbs out with a long groan. Sitting up, Tyler ruffled his hair with another yawn. You sat up with him, rubbing your eyes to rid yourself of the exhaustion you felt.

“It’s going to be in a couple hours,” Tyler observed, “We should shower.”

“Mhm. Let’s do that.”

You both crawled out of bed, still exhausted, and entered the bathroom. Tyler went to the sink while you headed towards the shower, grabbing your designated towel and hanging it near the entrance. You grabbed at your pajama top and pulled it over your head, tossing it to the side and stretching your arms a little before you reached for your pants and pulled them down. You took your underwear with them in one motion, too tired to care as you kicked them away.

“Uh, Y/N…”

You turned to face Tyler, squinting at him in confusion. His face was staring at you despite himself, cheeks red and eyes wide awake as they blink owlishly at you. You blink in return, confused by his sudden awkwardness, but then you looked down at yourself as you remembered that you hadn’t actually gotten into the shower like you usually did when you had to do this.

Your face suddenly sunk into a bright, red embarrassment as you stood there, paralyzed in front of your soulmate. You opened your mouth to say something - anything - to try and save yourself in this situation. Nothing came out as your hands rose up to cover your body instead and your eyes looked anywhere but him.

“S-Sorry. Sorry!” You squeaked, trying to scramble away to the safety of the shower.

Suddenly a hand grabbed your arm and pulled you back. You squeaked as your body was pressed into the cold wall behind you, sending a shiver up your spine as Tyler kept a grip on your arm, his other over you, holding your free hand in his own. Your fingers twined together, pressing your threads together in a needy kiss as he pressed the tip of your right index to his own. You gasped at the sensation it brought, a million fireflies lighting up your insides as you looked up at him.

His eyes were blown wide with adoration. His lips tugged on the side of his mouth, bitten by teeth to make them all the more red and full. You swallowed hard, eyes wandering along his face to consume every detail up close. He was doing the same with your own, only they trailed down your body, dutifully memorizing each inch he could catch in his peripheral. You felt so exposed, but it wasn’t in the embarrassed way you initially thought to be reacting to.

You felt exposed but also…comfortable? You weren’t sure if that was the right word. You felt…seen. Seen by someone who could only look at you with such care as he did. Tyler held your hand tighter in his, his lips trembling as he leaned forward. You chased forward after him in acceptance of your attachment. You were being selfish. You were perfectly aware of that, yet, you were blaming it on the sleepiness still in your blood as you kissed him.

His lips were hot, panting into your own as he drowned in you needily. He melted against you, whimpering into your lips as he did so. Pinning you tight to the wall, the tiles quickly became hot behind you as you let him push the kiss deeper, eyes fluttering shut as the ache in your body was relieved for the first time since you held him on the couch on night one. You felt weightless, practically lifted off of the ground as he held you there. He was the only thing grounding you, yet he was the thing whisking you up into heaven.

Still, you’ve never felt so unholy.

You felt his tongue pressing into your mouth. You don’t remember opening it, but the hot appendage dancing along your teeth helped you to forget the consideration. You mewled into his lips and he groaned into yours, a symphony of lustful proportions. You gripped his hand tight in your own, sending sparks fluttering down your thread and into your hearts. You both shuddered at the feeling. Below you, you could feel Tyler pressing against you through his layer of boxers, hot and throbbing. You remembered the instance of him over the toilet, your name on his lips and his hand on his co*ck. You pictured that on you now and you whimpered.

You needed to stop, you thought. You needed to stop right now. You needed to stop.

But you didn’t. Neither did he.

Not as you felt him rut up against you, rubbing himself on your thigh. You whimpered, tensing the muscle as he did so, making a grumble of a moan echo as he finally pulled away for air. You gasped, looking up at him in awe as he gazed back at you. The light of the bathroom flickered over him, a gentle thrumming sound not unlike cicadas in trees. The pitching noise grew and you blinked away its wailing as best as you could. You felt yourself swallow as you let him take your left hand back in your control. He leaned on the wall, rubbing his thumb on your right hand in gentle circles again. You couldn’t help but lean up and press your lips to his adam’s apple. It bobbed under your ministrations, and rumbled with a moan as you pressed your free hand to his covered co*ck.

“Y/N…” He breathed your name like a prayer, whimpering as you pulled away from his neck. He swooped in and kissed you again, not sparing your lips the second time around as he bit and licked in a desperate plea for attention. Noise. Anything at all.

You gave him his request readily, your noises sweet on his tongue as his left hand moved from the wall to help in pulling down his boxers a few inches. He let his co*ck spring free from its confines. It pressed raw against your thigh now, and you could feel the wetness grow on your skin as precum began to leak desperately from his tip. You swallowed hard, whimpering at the feeling as your hand went down. This time, you wrapped your hand around him loosely, feeling out his preferences as you slowly gave him a stroke.

Tyler gasped. He throbbed under your touch and bucked his hips up into your hand. You remembered how he did it to himself in the bathroom. You wondered what he was imagining doing to you, but you were too scared to ask. Instead you moved your hand up and down, testing the grip and speed at various levels before settling on the estimate of what you thought you saw him doing. This drew a long, sweet moan from him as he tightened his grip on your right hand, pressing you tighter to the wall as he started to beg.

“Please, please,” He whispered out, his forehead to yours as he cried, “Y/N…Please…Keep going. D-Don’t. Stop.”

You pressed your forehead harder on his in response, a promise as your hand tightened and picked up its speed. Tyler cried out, hips thrusting a few more times before he gave into his desires. An org*sm overtook him just as you were gripping him close to you, allowing his cum to spurt onto your thigh and stomach. It dripped down your leg slowly as he slumped against you on the wall.

You were both quiet for a long time, the only sound was your unified gasps and pants. His grip weakened on your right hand, freeing it from the wall enough for you to drop it at your side. Your shoulder was sore, making you wince as you rolled it testily. When you looked up at Tyler, he was looking down at you. The both of you gazed at one another, lights in the both of your visions. A post-org*smic haze of appreciation for the quiet comfort of an intimate time in the bathroom.

Then the reality of your situation hit you. You remembered that you were not in a normal circ*mstance. You were different. Special. Unfortunate. You tensed visibly, and it was enough for Tyler to peel himself off you in a near instant. The registration of your actions reached him as well, his breath ragged from sex and panic.

It was tense and awkward. Neither of you were sure about how to move. How to talk about this. So, instead of doing that, you let Tyler back up a bit, leaning up on the counter. He rubbed his face with a shaky sigh as you bit your lip and went into the shower. You stood there for just a moment, reaching down to touch at the tacky sem*n coating your thigh. It was becoming cool on your skin. You stared at the amount you had on your fingers, watching it soak on your skin as you bit your lip. With effort, you turned the shower on and let the hot water burn your body.

The rest of the morning was terse silence, spent getting ready for the doctor’s visit within the hour. You had cleaned up the kitchen at least four times while Tyler sequestered himself on the couch in the living room, a laptop up as he typed away at some sort of document alongside a page of garage band opened. You didn’t speak to him and he didn’t speak to you. How could you, after that? You bit your lip as you tapped your foot in the kitchen, looking for anything else to wipe up.

A knock at the door. You hurried to Tyler’s side as he moved to open it. The both of you looked at one another finally, communicating mutual anxiety and worry with a nod before you finally let Doctor DeChutes in.

Chapter 16 Chapter Text

“So,” DeChutes smiled as she clicked her pen idly. She sat on one end of the couch. Tyler was standing while you took the other end. Though the Doctor was sitting in a position with her knees closed and feet on the floor, you kept your knees to your chest as she cast her gaze between the both of you. She had done her blood pressure tests and thread probing a few moments after she had gotten in, and now was the portion of the event you were moderately dreading.

“How are your emotional bonds?”

“Fine,” You answered, and Tyler nodded in agreement, “We um. There’s still a bit of sharing, obviously, and we kind of get overwhelmed by each other’s feelings once in a while.”

“Hm,” DeChutes scribbled something on her forms, “Is there any nausea or discomfort associated with these feelings? Or does anything help to decrease their intensity?”

“Um…Being close helps,” You admit.

“Close?”

“We, um, sleep in the same bed each night.” Tyler adds in, “We…hold one another.”

“Good, that’s good.” DeChutes gives an approving nod at the two of you, “Intimacy is great for strengthening emotional bonds like that. In a few more days you should feel a bit less nausea resulting from separation. Any other feelings when you two are too far apart?”

Tyler thought for a few moments, and so do you. You spoke up first, “I…get very anxious without him. Like something is missing in me and I need to seek it out. Or I worry something happened to him and I need to be with him for it? If that makes sense?”

“Totally makes sense. Everyone experiences those sorts of feelings differently. Tyler, how do you feel when this happens?”

Tyler was quiet for a few moments before he bit his lip and answered, “I get…nervous too, I suppose. It’s like it pulls me back to them, so I can make sure I didn’t forget anything. Or so I can see if they need anything.”

“You want to provide, I see.” DeChutes nodded, another scribble on her pad, “Not unusual either, I assure you. The Seeker and Provider subtype of soulmate relationship is arguably one of the most common ones experienced…Last question for now, have you been sexually intimate with one another at all in these past few days?”

You flushed at the question, panic pounding in your chest. Your head whipped a little too fast to Tyler, who was staring back at you like a deer in headlights. Your shared reaction made DeChutes chuckle just a little bit under her breath as she cleared her throat to garner your attention once more before continuing, “This is a confidential matter, I promise. I’m not going to tell anyone about anything at the risk of losing my license. I simply need to know in order to better keep track of your health and safety, so, please be honest with me if possible, alright?’

Your shoulders eased at her words and you gave a shaky nod, rubbing the back of your neck as you waited to see if Tyler would talk before you. He does, luckily, but his explanation is about as awkward as you would have imagined, so really you weren’t sure if either of you were winning here. He only briefly went over the masturbation incident alongside the thigh rubbing, but that’s all he really got into as he quickly shut up after.

“I see,” DeChutes carried no judgment in her voice as she wrote her notes down after his explanation, “So there hasn’t been any penetration involved in either instance, correct?”

“N-No, there hasn’t been.” You return.

“That’s all I need to know,” She declared with a hum, “Alright, we can go over your full analysis now if you’d like.”

“Yes, please,” You nod, “Where are we at?”

DeChutes put her pen to the side of her notebook. She had a professional little pen holder on her book, which made you think she really did mean business. You felt Tyler scooting close to your side and your tension eased a bit as his presence. He made no move to touch you, though, which only disappointed you a little as DeChutes began her overview of your shared state.

“Your thread is healthy and strong,” She smiled, “I’d say it’s even stronger than it was when I first examined the two of you. From a Soulmates perspective, it’s genuinely a fine specimen. Your bond is powerful and the both of you are both compatible and connected, a rare combination I haven’t seen in a very long time. However, you’ll still need the remaining five days for the full bond to steady itself. Your emotions should be steadily connected as they are up until the last few days, where they’ll taper out. There have been signs of threads like this keeping a permanent emotional bond together, however, so please be aware of that.”

You imagined sharing emotions with Tyler for eternity. It’s something that, given the feelings you’ve given one another, should be a terrifying concept. Yet…you can’t help but feel almost flattered by the statement. Your heart pounded as you imagined being connected with him for as long as that. You suppressed a smile, knowing what else was coming as DeChutes looked one last time over a few more notes before focusing back on the both of you with a thin-lipped look.

“These strengthened bonds, however, will make any type of medical procedure on your thread extremely tricky. Are the both of you considering Separation still?”

Your stomach dropped at the question and you looked away. Tyler was silent despite the question being his to answer. You felt his hesitation mix with your disappointment, and the both of you wore your answers on your face to your doctor as you refused to gaze in her general direction. DeChutes waited a few more moments for an answer, and Tyler gave a slow shrug in return, a murmured answer coming from his dry mouth, “We’ve still been…considering it, yes.”

DeChutes hummed, “Well, as a medical professional I’d advise against it in all honesty. A standard Separation procedure takes out the full thread itself. A Soulmate thread, biologically, connects the both of you together through your fingers. It travels side-by-side the arteries up to the heart, where it connects within its valves. Normally a weaker thread simply needs an incision, cut, and then it is able to be pulled forward and out without further surgery.

“However, with one like yours, I’m worried that your threads will be so tightly tied against your hearts that it will require a more in-depth, open-heart surgery on the both of you. As you can imagine, the risks in this procedure are impossibly high. I’m unsure if it’s even doable, but we won’t know the full extent of it until the full bond period has passed. On your last day together, I’ll be able to fully examine the mature thread and read over it. We can get back to the subject then.”

You smiled as if she hadn’t just dropped the most devastating news of your lives on your head. Tyler’s panicked feeling rose further in your throat. Looking over at him, he seemed distant. Quiet. He didn’t look at you or DeChutes as she explained a few more unimportant details in Thread Care, recommending a moisturizer that soothed aches and stress before bidding the both of you good day and exiting the apartment you had been cooped up in with Tyler Joseph for five whole god-damned days.

Five more to go.

Chapter 17 Chapter Text

You and Tyler stared at one another in the living room for a few moments after DeChutes left. The silence was tangible and tasted like metal on your tongue, so you pursed your lips as you looked at your socks. You picked at a random thread coming loose, unable to meet Tyler’s eyes as he remained eerily quiet. Despite his distance, you could feel his overthinking in your gut. You could sense the rising wave of his panic and stress as it began to fill your own stomach up like liquid mercury. Battery acid. Unsweetened Faygo. You grimaced at the feeling, but there was no chance for you to inquire about it to Tyler, because soon he simply turned around and left the room. You whipped your head up to watch him just as he rounded the corner to the bathroom and shut the door with a slam.

Panic rose again, and you were unsure if it was your general need to be with him or his own terror over the situation. Either way, you only waited a few moments before you rushed to the bathroom. It was fully shut this time, so you stood there for a few moments, straining to listen for anything on the other side of the door. There was nothing but silence. So you gathered your courage and knocked gently on the wood.

“Tyler?” You spoke out, hoping he could hear you, “Hey, can we um…”

Talk about this. You thought about how many times you two have said that same thing together and felt melancholy.

Suddenly tears sprung in your eyes as an overwhelming despair overtook you. It swallowed you like a sudden dip in a cold lake. It overwhelmed you like those dreams about Tyler’s demons did, and all you felt was helpless terror as you began to cry against your will. They were his tears, you knew it, but they ached just like your own and you whimpered out a little sob as you tried to blink the fat droplets away. Your fingers scrabbled at the door, knocking again with a broken hiccup of his name.

“T-yler,” You try again, “Please. Please talk to me about this. I don’t know what’s happening I…Tyler, I’m begging you.”

You waited for a response, but heard a sob instead. Your fingers went to the doorknob despite your want to wait for permission. There’s only a few moments of hesitation before you slowly pull the handle. It was unlocked, and you sobbed with relief as you opened it up and pulled yourself into the bathroom.

He hadn’t turned on the light. Only the gentle glow of a night light and the seeping sun through a small window fed the darkness. Tyler was in the tub, his outline a shrunken shape in the tile, and you could see the tears staining his wet cheeks as he tried to wipe them away before you saw them. As if that mattered, you thought meekly. You walked forward and got into the tub with him, facing him on the opposite end with your knees pulled up, just as he was sitting. In the space, your feet touched together.

Tyler and you cried in the bathtub together for a while, tears streaming and sniffles echoing as you simply sat there in the dark, waiting for him to finish. It was all you could do. Be there for him as he sobbed. You reached your hand out and put it on his knee, giving him a light and comforting touch as he cried, waiting patiently. It took about fifteen minutes before he finally calmed down enough to form words. He wiped his nose on the back of his hand and used the other to ruffle his hair and shake his head, as if shaking the demons from his mind.

“I’m…scared.” Tyler finally managed in a weak whisper.

“I know,” You murmur back, “I’m sorry…I know you and Jenna wanted to-.”

“That’s the problem,” Tyler interrupted you desperately, “I should be doing it, because…Because she Separated from her soulmate. So I should do that for her…I-I need to do that for her. I love her!”

The words stung your heart despite yourself, and you winced as if he had struck you. Tyler doesn’t stop talking, though, and he pushed through a lump in his throat to whisper out his next few words:

“But I…I think I love you, too.”

You stared, jaw dropping in surprise at his admission. From the emotions you gathered from him, he seemed serious. It made your heart flutter and your cheeks flush within moments as your voice betrayed your hopeful delight, “You…do?”

He finally looked at you, those beautiful brown eyes tortured as he gave a nervous nod.

“...That could just be the thread talking,” You returned nervously, the reality of it obvious despite your want for it to be true, “That could be the fact we’ve been stuck in here together and…I don’t know. I just…don’t think you could realistically love…someone like me.”

“Like you?”

You bit your lip. It was your turn to feel tears of pain. Of self hatred and struggle as you held your body close to yourself, retracting your hand from his knee as you did so and sitting there for a few moments. There was a dull laugh somewhere in your throat, but it just sounded as sad as you wiped away your wet tears and exhaled.

“I’m no one, right?” You laughed meekly, “You’re a famous singer who has a band and a wife and friends. You’re someone people look up to…but me? I’m a college dropout from a town where no one’s ever gotten famous. I’ve never been good enough for anyone, even when I’ve tried dating without soulmates and sh*t. I trudge daily along a retail job that should be easy but that doesn’t stop me from coming home exhausted every day. I’ve tried to kill myself for god’s sake I-!”

You stopped at your admittance, stress rising as he stared at you in shock. You couldn’t stop, though. You found yourself finishing up your statement in a weak whisper, “I can barely survive in this world, especially when it doesn’t want me.”

“Y/N.” Tyler spoke in a serious tone. Shifting in his spot in the tub, he reached out his hand to you. He grabbed your sweaty palm and held it to his own. He did the thumb thing again. You learned that it made you happy, and it seemed he’s been paying attention to it too. You didn’t look at him as he whispered your name, but his free hand grabbed your face gently in his palm and turned to make you look. His eyes were red in the corners from crying, but they were honest. Serious.

“You’re wanted, I promise,” Tyler whispered to you, “I know it’s hard to see…but you are.”

“How can I be,” You returned as tears fell down your cheeks again, “When you don’t even want me?”

“...I do.” Tyler finally admitted meekly, as if to himself as well as you, “I do want you, Y/N. God, I want to keep you with me all the time I…I want this. I’ve never felt like…Like someone-”

“-Connects this strongly with you.” You finished, your feelings mutual, “I get it…I guess that’s why they call it soulmates, huh? Your connection with another person transcending past the usual dating ritual and all that…let me ask you this then. If you didn’t have that thread in your hand and mine…Would you still want to be with me? Am I, the person, worth the thread?”

You waited for his answer though you were sure you knew it. That was why, when he leaned forward to kiss you, you were surprised. Especially as his lips grew tender and needy, desperate to keep you close to him as he did so. You cried more as he kissed you. You cried knowing that he loved you like this. You cried knowing it wouldn’t last forever.

Because, even if he did choose you right now, you knew the future would be different.

Chapter 18 Chapter Text

You felt the both of you go into the next two days with the concept of fleeting romance in your mind. You may have not been able to be together forever, you supposed, but you were with him now. In the bustling loudness of Los Angeles, Tyler Joseph was yours for a few days longer. You pushed your guilt out of your mind, though it nagged at you on sleepless nights, and he did not speak of his own. Your lips felt like sin when he kissed you, but your soul craved every touch he offered. Neither of you initiated anything beyond an occasional kiss, and the cuddling you did at night. You remained the same as you did before his admittance. Before his breakdown as he kissed you. You licked your lips at the thought as you sat on the couch, head lolling off the edge of the armrest as Tyler typed away at his computer some more.

“Tyler,” You groaned, “I want to go outside. I’m going insane here.”

Tyler stopped typing and looked over at you, “Where’d you wanna go?”

“Literally anywhere that isn’t this apartment,” You sat up with a pout, “Even just around the block is fine, god dammit, I don’t know. I just need to walk. God, I feel like a dog.”

“Like a bichon.” Tyler snorted, making you pout as you kicked at his thigh without any real force to it. He grinned, holding back a wave of his laughter. You could feel the amusem*nt rile up in your own throat, though, and smiled back at him while sticking your tongue out at him teasingly. As you both fell back into silence, your mind continued to race on what exactly there was to do for the next few days. Seven days completely inside had already felt like torture. You loved a good few days to yourself, a quiet reprieve from things happening too much all the time, but even you had a level of stir-craziness you would have to address eventually.

“What about the corner store that’s down the block?” You tried eagerly, “We could get slurpees! And donuts! Come on, please?”

Tyler hesitated for a little bit, looking at the door of the apartment with pursed lips as he considered your proposal a bit longer. You could feel his own irritation with being trapped in a bubble somewhere in his throat, a cool sensation that you tried to fuel with your eagerness for leaving the building yourself. The balance of your feelings waged wars for a few moments here and there before Tyler seemed to relent to your whims with a long sigh and a nod. A thrilled look overcame your gaze as you stood to get ready for the outing.

You didn’t wear much, not that you had a lot to begin with. You had been surviving a while on the in-unit washer to clean your two sets of clothes and pajamas most of the days alongside a few of the clothes Josh had said were okay to wear around the house if you wanted. Your nighttime sweatpants alongside a tank top and jacket hoodie that belonged to Josh was all you slipped on as you waited for Tyler to get ready. He donned his own simple tank-top and jacket combo, with jeans on instead of sweats.

You exited the building side-by-side, the fresh air hitting your face in the most wonderful of ways. The sky was full of thick clouds, but the weather was warm, heating up your skin with its immaculate 75 degree temperature. You inhaled, the scent of the world freshening you up even if it was the scent of smog and distant restaurants around the area. The concrete under your shoes was wonderful. The space to spin and run slightly ahead of Tyler was invigorating. God, you never thought you’d miss going outside this much.

Tyler seemed to be enjoying the walk as well, though his eyes were moving from side to side across the street. The wariness in his emotions was palpable to you. You hoped, in return, that your excitement was visible to him as you all but ran down the street.

The entry of the corner store was announced with a soft ‘ding’ as the bell overhead rang. Somewhere, a tired voice exhaled an uninterested ‘welcome’ in response. Probably the cashier, who did not want to be doing their job at that moment. You supposed you couldn’t blame them. Though you didn’t mind your job, the break this gave your body from the effort was welcome. Even if it came with an exhausting mental load. Capitalism was like that, you supposed, and for a moment admiration filled your mind at Tyler, who had made money doing something he was so passionate and honest about. A smile pressed on your lips, but you hid it by darting down one of the aisles eagerly as Tyler stood on the other side of it, shopping for his own snacks..

You were picking through some of the canned goods, deciding between ravioli or microwavable mac ‘n cheese, when you heard it. The bell rang in the distance. The pitched upwards voices of excitement. The sudden, desperate breaths of a question you and Tyler had both been dreading upon going out:

“Excuse me. Are you Tyler Joseph?!”

Dread. Panic. Stress. All three feelings overwhelmed you, making your palms sweaty and your breath quicken as your head shot up to see the situation with wide eyes. Tyler was staring down at two people, their own gazes held up at him with admiration. Star-struck adoration, more like it, you thought with a slight tinge of bitterness. Was it jealousy? Protectiveness? You weren’t sure, but you mostly tried to blame it on the soulmate thread as you rounded the aisle corner to slide up to Tyler’s side mid conversation with them. They had been asking for a selfie, idly chatting with him while he put on his best smile. He hid his exhaustion well in the face of others, you realized, as his eyes glowed with a sweetness towards his fans you didn’t see often. Your jaw set worriedly as you tried to hide behind him, disguising your presence to those in front of you.

His hand reached behind him, idly searching for something as it pawed around. On instinct, you reached out and gave him yours. Both of your palms were sweaty, but he gripped at your flesh like it was the only thing tethering him to reality. Else he went floating in space somewhere far away. You thought for a moment how, in a rapture, Tyler just might go to heaven.

“Oh…Are you with…?”

The voices shifted, once excited and light turning heavy and judgemental as the two peeked around to spot you with surprise. You bit your lip and waved with your free hand, causing their gazes to settle on your hands being held together tightly. Their jaws set, and the atmosphere was suddenly…different as they gazed on at you with surprise.

Then they looked up at Tyler with a raised eyebrow.

“So you’re still here with…them?” One asked curiously, eyeing at you with clear judgment in their gaze, “Does your wife have anything to say about it?”

“I…” Tyler trailed off, panic shutting his voice down.

But it did not shut yours.

“How about you mind your own business and don’t assume sh*t about others?” You snapped, taking the lead to stand in front of Tyler now, dropping his hand in favor of crossing your arms and frowning sharply at the people before you. They startled out of their glaring looks, surprise rampant on their faces as they stared at you. There was a taken-aback silence for a few moments before you felt your anger rise again. Your words flowed with the frustration of the week you’ve had, and you continued despite yourself:

“What’s happening in his life is none of your business. What’s happening in my life is none of your business! What about you? Do you have a soulmate? Where are they now? Are YOU TWO Soulmates?”

The questions made them silent as they looked at one another in surprise, and you huffed, “Not that great when someone interrogates you, huh?”

“Leave us alone, Jesus!” One of them spoke in frustration, “What, because you’re the soulmate of a big celebrity you think you can talk to us like that?”

“Because you’re the fan of a big celebrity means you're entitled to his personal life?”

“Hey, we’re not the ones who are ruining a relationship!”

You swallowed, the words stinging sharply and putting itself on your insecurities without warning. Sensing the weak point, one of the fans continued on with a sharpness directed at you, “I hope he does the right thing and Separates from you. You’re not his. You never will be!”

You shoved past them, vision red with anger. Your mind struggled to choose an action in the situation, and it had settled on fleeing. You could not be in the same room as these two people, and Tyler’s required closeness was the furthest from your mind as you stormed out.

Chapter 19 Chapter Text

You didn’t know where you were going. You didn’t care. Your vision was blurred with tears and anger as you kept walking forward, one foot in front of the other. The concrete felt taffy-like under your feet, sticking you to the ground and making you feel like you were moving at a snail's pace. Like running in a dream, your body moved through invisible webs that dragged you back despite your urging to move forward. Tears didn’t fall, but your nails bit into your palms with a fearsome frustration. You hoped everyone looking at you could feel you radiate rage. That way they’d stay the hell out of your way.

Eventually, though, you began to simmer down, your mind flooding with a woozy fog as you slowed your pace to a normal walk, shoving your hands in your pockets and stared down at the sidewalk. You felt your jaw ache from how hard you had been grinding your teeth. Tears threatened your eyes but did not fall.

How dare those people assume sh*t about you. How dare they insult you. Insult Tyler, your SOULMATE and-.

You paused. A drop of rain hit your nose, making you look up in surprise. The day had been cloudy but warm, everything you wanted in a California afternoon, but now those clouds were growing bigger. Ominous and gray, they lingered just like the ones in your mind. More droplets dribbled. They fell down the contours of your cheek and nose as you watched them helplessly. It hit you the moment the rain did, and you drew your lower lip into your teeth and bit down hard, grimacing.

They were right, you thought bitterly, you were ruining a marriage.

This man wasn’t yours to have. He never was. This was a formality, but nothing more. No matter what you wanted to make of the days, Tyler Joseph was not someone who could, realistically, be in your life.

A sudden exhaustion hit you, warming your stomach and causing a hot sweat to break out on your skin, leaving you shivering in the rain as it fell harder. Your chest tightened as you gasped, leaning against a nearby bus stop bench as you clutched your stomach and inhaled. Everything was suddenly too much effort, and a fog encroached on your mind as you leaned over to sit down on the bench. You held your head in your hands while your elbows rested on your knees. You watched the rain fall off of your face and drip between your shoes, making a puddle that stared back at you.

Your mind raced with thoughts now, unable to keep them hidden behind anger any longer as you settled yourself into reality. Where was Tyler? Was he feeling this awful sense of discomfort too? What if he was hurting more? Impossible, you were hurting ten times worse than anything you had ever felt in your life. What if he was feeling twenty times worse? God, why the f*ck would you run away from him like that?!

“Stupid,” You muttered into the reflection of the water beneath you, furrowing your brow at yourself as your angered face watched you back with equal disappointment. You felt like you were going to vomit, the bile churning in your throat, but it turned into a weak sob instead, unable to hold in the tears you wanted to fight back. They fell down your nose, hot water mixing with cold rain. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the world to disappear. You wished this was a dream.

You wished you never went to that stupid concert.

“Y/N?”

Tyler’s voice echoed over the rain, searching and desperate. Your body shook at the sound and you stood up quickly without thinking about it, vertigo paralyzing you as the world spun. The ground tilted every which way, making you gasp and grip onto the bus stop bench with white knuckles to steady yourself. You dared not move for a moment, exhaling, before looking up as your name was called a second time, faster. More intense.

Tyler’s form was etched in rain as his gaze held itself forward, squinting through the heavy rainfall as he tried to look around. Eventually his gaze saw your own outline, and his eyes widened in shock. Your own did the same as the both of you held your gazes, desperate and terrified at the same time. He froze and your muscles tensed. Your breath shook as you stood up on your own now to gaze at him fully.

He walked towards you faster than he had before, all but jogging in your direction, “Y/N!?”

Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you turned and ran in the opposite direction, tears and rain blinding your movement. You were scared to face him. Your heart beat as you feared the trouble you’d be in. You didn’t get far on your wobbly knees before a single trip over and uneven pavement took you down. You skidded on the floor and you only just saved yourself by throwing your hands out to smack against the wet concrete. The force made you hiss in pain as you rolled to your side and sat up. Looking down at your palms, you saw the red, burning welts that were already beginning to form hot under the skin.

Looking up, you tensed when you saw legs in front of you.Tyler’s eyes met yours as you gazed upwards. He looked…

Beautiful.

Big brown eyes, wet with emotion as they watched you. Above him, the rain fell but the clouds thinned. A small amount of light haloed over his head as he watched you, a crown around warm brown hair. His lashes dripped with crystals of tears and rain as his breath dragged ragged in and out of his shoulders. As the light outlined him against the dark clouds, you couldn’t help but feel as though you were looking at an angel.

He leaned next to you, squatting down on his feet and reaching out without hesitation, his gaze hot on your hands as he held them in his own. Sparks of pain and excitement shot up your spine, sending another shiver as he held your palms up to observe the growing welts. Tyler winced, probably feeling the pain that radiated through your nerves, because that was what the both of you did. You felt. You felt so fully and inexplicably that everything was just…so intense.

You felt his feelings in that moment too. The cold blooded fear and anxiety that hummed off of him in waves was near painful. You felt his nervousness, too. It was a whirlwind that left you breathless as he looked up at you, but you weren’t sure if he was crying. The rain washed down his face as it did yours, dripping down his nose. A surge of anger returned to you as you furrowed your brow at the man in front of you, struggling to speak through your hoarse breaths.

“Wh-what do you want?”

“W..We can’t be more than a few feet apa-”

“No,” You cut him off with a frustrated intonation, “What do you WANT, Tyler?”

He stared at you wide eyed and soft, not understanding the meaning of your words. This only made you angrier, and hot tears escaped your eyes again as your rage and sadness commingled in the center of your stomach. The vomit that followed was words, all the feelings you had bottled up in the hotel after everything that happened did. Everything in Josh’s spare apartment fell over your throat, tripping and tumbling despite your efforts to quell it. You were too far gone:

“What do you want from me!? Y-You kiss me and then you hold me a-a-and for what? For us to connect and then-then feel guilt for even thinking about someone like me? Someone other than your WIFE? I didn’t ASK to be with you! I never asked for any of this - f*ck - I only WENT to that concert because I was someone’s second choice! Now, guess what, I’m your second choice this time and life only feels worse for me! I-I-I-!”

You sobbed then, pulling your hands violently away from Tyler’s as you held your face in them, hiding your tears and ignoring the stinging in your palms as you curled into yourself and steadied out your tears.

“I-I’ve been trying to make this work! I-I’ve done nothing but try! I don’t want you to leave your wife! I didn’t ask to be your soulmate like this! How-How-How could you tell me that I was wanted and expect me to want you to go back to her and forget-for-forget me? How could you just tell me that you’re planning on forgetting me!?”

Your eyes bore into his, searching for answers you knew you wouldn’t find. Tyler’s gaze was startled and scared, and soon he tilted his head down to avoid looking at you. Hiseyes fluttered as he chewed on his lip, trying to think of something - anything - to say to you in return. Finally, after what felt like far too many minutes, he lifted his head up and matched your gaze with a pained expression.

“I don’t ever want to forget you,” Tyler managed out, and you felt the honesty in his words, “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to hurt you. Not like this, Y/N. I just…The truth is I don’t know what to do either I…Just don’t want to hurt you like this. I’m so sorry I did. I’m sorry I’m your soulmate.”

Your heart softened at his vulnerability. His raw tone told you of his truth. His foggy emotions gave you the same sense of confusion and loss that you felt in your own mind. Truly, you realized, the both of you were just not sure about what was going to happen. The world would keep moving if the two of you did separate. The world would keep moving if you did not, but the fine details of each scenario, the ones you could not predict, terrified you.

You couldn’t speak, so instead you reached out. Your hand pushed on the back of Tyler’s neck and you brought him forward. He moved in with your touch, and you brought your foreheads together in a gentle touch. The rain dripped around you, and you focused on its sound.

“...I’m sorry.” You whisper out weakly, “I just…don’t know what I can do about this…Do…I didn’t…think that you were…I’m sorry, Tyler.”

He held you back, exhaling shakily and nodding. He only whispered one phrase when the two of you finally felt calm enough to speak normally:

“Let’s go back home.”

It wasn’t home, you both knew that, but it was all you could call it for yourselves.

So you stood with Tyler, wrapped your hand in his tightly, and let him walk you back to the apartment.

Chapter 20 Chapter Text

The walk home was dreary, and when you arrived in the apartment you slid your shoes and jacket off at the door, hanging them in the entryway to dry. Beneath your layer of outside wear, your skin was damp and cold. Your shirt clung to your body tightly, the fabric nearly ingrained with your skin. You shuddered, thankful for the warmth of the automatic heater in the apartment.

Neither of you spoke, too exhausted to. Instead, you both made your way to the bathroom. There, you stood next to one another in silence as you stripped down from your wet clothes, pooling them into a moist heap on the bathroom floor. Tyler turned on the shower, the water steaming hot before the both of you stepped in together. Not willing to waste time on two separate showers, your minds seemed to follow one another with no real intent behind them.

You barely registered the way your hands touched the soap, lathering it and giving Tyler’s shoulders a gentle rub. He sighed, letting them slump as he relaxed them under your touch. His hands, lathered with equal amounts of soap, took gentle care of your hips and stomach, sliding up your body. Neither of your touches aimed to be intimate, but relaxing. Your own shoulders slumped and you let your head rest on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and the sound of the water falling on you both.

A few moments after warming up and cleaning each other, you rinsed and stepped out of the shower, drying off before heading into the bedroom to change, the shame of nakedness forgotten.

You took your time in sliding your sleep clothes on, relishing in their warmth. Your eyes, distant and tired, followed your linked thread up to Tyler’s body. You looked over him with nothing behind your gaze but interest. You hadn’t seen his body naked fully before, not like he’s seen you, and your curiosity was piqued more than your arousal in the situation.

His form was skinny, ribs sticking out just slightly against his stick-straight form. The tattoos on his arms and chest were a strong contrast to his tan skin, though it was paler than when you first met due to your habitual imprisonment inside. The v of his hips was sharp still, and tapered downwards to his soft dick. His legs were the same as his arms in a way. Long. Awkward. Lithe. He had a tattoo on his knee you hadn’t seen before, the name of his drummer messily scrawled as if jokingly done. You didn’t care to think about the story behind it, not as he dressed himself in front of you, eventually turning to face you with his own tired expression.

You didn’t say anything as you followed him into the bed.

The both of you entwined your arms immediately, the distance accidentally put between the two of you had left your body's craving touch. You hadn’t thought about how used to his presence you had grown. How important his touches were to you now. You wondered, as you let your fingertips play an imaginary piano song on his bicep, if he felt the same. Your answer was seemingly given when the arms around your waist pulled you in closer to him, his nose buried in your hair as he sighed shakily.

You wrapped him up, bringing him close to you as well, and closed your eyes with a matching sigh.

No words were spoken as you faded into a heavy sleep.

***

The next morning was painful to wake up to. Even if the light on your clock said it was 1pm by the time you peeled open your eyes, it felt far earlier. The exhaustion of a sudden distance between you and Tyler combined with both of your heightened emotions had left you feeling numb and disoriented. Your eyes were dry from crying and your throat was parched, the desperation for water overtaking you as you groaned. The attempt you made to get up was blocked by a solid force.

Looking up, you stared at Tyler as he sleepily watched you back. His eyes were lidded and his bottom lip was caught in his teeth as he chewed it, simply staring at you. You watched him back with confusion.

“What?” You rasped, voice a whispering hoarseness without liquid, “Am I that funny looking?”

He smiled then, teeth still holding his lip, and he chuckled tiredly, “No, that’s not it.”

You didn’t feel like asking what it actually was, even if his eyes said it all, so you tapped on the arm he had over you in a signal to free you. He relented, allowing you to sit up and rub your dry eyes with a groan, “How long have you been up?”

“Since five am.”

“TYLER!” You whipped your head to him in disbelief, “That was, what-” You paused to count the time on your fingers carefully before turning back to him with the same look - “EIGHT hours!? Why didn’t you wake me up!?”

“You looked comfortable,” Tyler shrugged, “Besides, after yesterday, you probably needed the rest.”

“You didn’t?”

“I can’t go back to sleep once I wake up.” He didn’t say it any way other than factually, but the idea still made your heart hurt.

He sat up soon too, ruffling the fluff of his hair with a sigh. It stuck up in every direction, protruding like the crown of a rooster’s head. You snickered despite yourself, covering your mouth when you realized the snort that came out of your lips. He looked over at you with wide eyes, confusion lacing them for a moment before you pulled your hand away. Your smile persisted as you pointed to his hair.

“You look like a rooster, dude.”

He looked up at where you pointed, and his own smile broke out on his lips before he looked back, “Want me to crow?”

“Oh god please don’t-”

He did. It was bad. You fell over laughing at his sound, and he giggled back with you. In the stress of the night, a light morning was a pleasant thing finally.

Eventually the both of you pulled yourselves out of beds and to the kitchen, hunger persisting in both of your stomachs needily. The first thing you did was grab the largest glass you could find and fill it with water, chugging nearly half of it one go with a heavenly gulp.

“You want pancakes?” Tyler offered as you put down your glass.

“Only if I don’t have to help make them.” You responded, not too in the mood to put a lot of effort into something such as pancakes when you could just as easily pour yourself a bowl of cereal.

“I can do it.” Tyler hummed in response, already gathering the supplies needed to make pancakes from the cupboards. You pulled yourself up onto an unused kitchen countertop and sighed, watching him as he prepared a bowl of batter.

The both of you talked idly while he made breakfast. The topic of the previous day was avoided by you both, and in a way it kind of hurt you. Yet, you acknowledged, there was nothing else that could really be done for the situation other than moving on at this point. Crying more about something you couldn’t change would no longer do anything. Your cathartic frustration had been expressed as you had sobbed in the rain and, now, you felt more clear headed (if not a little more exhausted) and the need for such comments seemed tepid at best.

So you busied yourself with making jokes as you and he took your pancakes to the couch to put on the episode of How I Met Your Mother that you had left off on. While you watched the show, Tyler was busily typing at a document on his computer. You watched him do so for a little bit, tilting your head.

“Music?” You questioned, pulling him from his apparent concentration. He blushed a little, nodding.

“You know, I’ve only ever actually heard like two Twenty One Pilots songs.”

“What?” Tyler now faced you, incredulous, “Which ones?”

“Uh the ones that played most on the radio for a while?” You shrugged, “I don’t really remember their names. Something about a car radio and I genuinely don’t remember the other.”

Tyler laughed at this, grinning in fake offense as he put down his laptop and sped around to curiously search for something in another file location, “Well, then, guess I have to play you something to educate you.”

You laughed at his reasoning, “Eager, huh?”

“I never miss a chance to show off what I’ve worked on.” He declared, and you could hear the genuine pride in his voice. He knew what he did was good, it was the reason he made as much money as he did after all, but more than that he seemed…happy. In a way that a father is proud of his child who went off to do great things. It reached his eyes in a way nothing else seemed to this whole week, and you were grateful for the light to come back into him after everything you two had been through.

So you waited patiently for him to pull up what looked like some sort of test mp3 file. He seemed to briefly flare up with frustration, startling you from the previous joy you were feeling, but it was fleeting as he spoke, “I only have the backtrack of the song I wanted to show you, dangit…”

Then the next words fell without much thought:

“Why don’t you sing it to me?”

He seemed to pause in thought, startled at your request, but eventually gave another sweet smile and nodded. Soon he was hitting the backtrack to play it, and a wonderful melody began to fill the room from the straining laptop speakers. The static over them was just light enough to be ignored as Tyler sat up straight, counting the beat lightly in his head as he mouthed each ‘one-two’ with his soft lips. Eventually the words fell from his mouth, a soft pitch and practiced ease in the way he said them:

“Sometimes you gotta bleed to know // That you're alive and have a soul // But it takes someone to come around // To show you how…”

His vocals were warm, soft words laced with adoration as he sang them, like he was afraid of being too loud for the neighbors. You listened to him as he continued, eyes focused. Enraptured as his own shut and he lost himself in his own music. In his own singing. The words continued but you couldn’t make them out anymore, just watching his lips as they moved. Each sound coming out of his mouth was beautiful. You had heard him rap before, the one Car Radio song had enough of it, and you thought that was good too! But his singing voice was angelic, meant for the highest chords of a choir song rather than the low echoes of any baritone you’ve heard before. He was practiced in his vocals, knowing just where to put his tones so he sounded perfect as he sang.

This really was his job, you realized in awe, to bring this kind of feeling to the people he entertained. What a noble mission.

When the song ended and he finished, you simply stared at him in awe, jaw slack as you felt an overwhelming sense of both his pride and embarrassment. He likely felt your amazement as well, and that only seemed to fuel his ego as he grinned at you.

“Did you like it?”

“I…loved it.” You admitted with a breathless laugh, “I should have listened to your band sooner.”

“Everyone should!” He declared with pride, and you chuckled at his confidence.

For a moment, you realized, everything almost felt nice.

Chapter 21 Summary:

Haha this is the fun number >3

Chapter Text

On the second-to-last day, DeChutes called Tyler first. She confirmed the next morning’s appointment for a final check up on your thread. The final verdict over whether or not you’d be able to file for a Separation, dependent on the strength and care of your thread as a whole.

Anxiety filled your chest when Tyler put the phone down finally, your body fidgeting as you refused to meet his eyes. You both knew you had to talk about things now. The moments of singing and laughter and whatever time you had was no longer in your hands. The days had passed by almost too fast yet it had felt like it was your entire life. It was certainly the most interesting thing that happened to you, but now it was in the running for being the saddest thing as well.

“She’ll be here tomorrow at 11:30.” Tyler spoke at last, leaning on the doorframe of the kitchen as he watched you idly cut up some grilled chicken to throw into the salad you had been making when the call started. You didn’t look up at him. You didn’t know if you could. You just bit your lip and continued chopping.

“Alright.” You spoke in acknowledgement, not trusting yourself to say anything more.

Another swath of silence, the only sound the echoing ‘chop chop chop’ of your knife. You felt him stare holes into your side, every second you were being watched sent pinpricks up your spine. You heard Tyler’s feet tap across the tile floor to approach you. You eventually felt his presence right at your side, and your hands slowed to a stop. You kept your eyes forward, though, not trusting yourself to look at him. Still, they flashed in your mental imagery and you instinctively shut them, shoulders tensing up as you tried to will away the sadness that began to boil in your gut.

You decided to be the one to break the knowing silence:

“We should talk about what we need to do.” Your voice was a whisper, but it said the elephant in the room and that was enough. Tyler tensed next to you. His anxiety matched yours as you fed off of one another’s emotions. The strength of it, now, was at least miniscule compared to how it was at the start of your quarantine together, but the tinge felt like you had gotten a papercut on your heart. And those little f*ckers sting.

“...Y/N…I don’t want to Separate.”

Your eyes widened and you felt your heartbeat in your ears as you put the knife down and looked over at Tyler at long last. He was close to you, but his gaze was so sincere and raw that you felt your own eyes tear up with wetness at his emotions. You knew he was genuine, but you couldn’t understand why. Your brows knit together and you pursed your lips, trying to gather the reasoning without speaking out about it.

“Why would you say that?” You choked, “Knowing our situation…why would you-”

He put a hand on either side of your shoulder, making you face him fully as his gaze turned soft.

“I…want to take you home to Columbus,” He admitted, “After talking with the doctor I…called Jenna. She wants to meet you, too.”

The words came as a shock. Your entire week had been based on the assumption that Jenna Joseph resented you for stealing her husband away. For being something to him when she was already there. Yet here Tyler was, saying that his wife had wanted to meet you? What would be her motivation for that? To tell you to your face that she was his and you had to leave him? Your body trembled at the thought, biting your lip into your mouth as your gaze questioned his words desperately. Realizing he had to explain further, Tyler cleared his throat.

“I was just…honest with her. About everything. And she wants to meet you. To talk.”

“Oh…”

His eyes grew hopeful, “Will you come with me? If the doctor says we’re okay to end our quarantine together…will you come with me to my house?”

A series of emotions burst into your heart. Hope. Anxiety. Most potent of all…incredulous hurt.

“So what,” You whispered, “You want me to go to your house so I can get rejected again by my soulmate and his wife? Is that your plan?”

“No! No not at all I…” Tyler panicked, realizing the words he said might have been the wrong thing to do, “I just…want you both to be in the same room. To work out all of our feelings. To talk like adults, you know? We’ve…I don’t want to put you through all of this for nothing. We’ve taken care of one another, and you’ve been so, so strong Y/N. Please let me do this one thing for you. I promise, no matter what the decision is, I want to help you.”

His words poured out and he couldn't stop them. You noticed once he started talking, he didn’t like to stop. It was like he was anxious about his statement being misunderstood, so he explained it as step-by-step as possible. You felt his sincerity in both his emotions and the grip on your shoulders. Fear still pounded in your ears as you imagined the heartbreak you might go through if you said yes.

It would be more time to spend with him, though. A last moment of closeness before you, most likely, would have to leave him forever. Even if he didn’t want Separation, you know he’d listen to his wife. He had to, right? Your heart ached. Tears welled in your eyes as you realized it was fear holding you back from saying yes, not being insulted. Not being angry. A genuine terror that, through all of your shared emotional turmoil, you still would not be enough for him.

Yet, as he gazed at you, his genuine feelings shone through. You saw the honesty in his thoughts with a moment of clarity through your own negativity:

You are enough for me.

So you found yourself nodding your head slowly, biting your lip as you moved without much thinking about it. Your arms wrapped around his torso, bringing him in for a hug as you buried your face in his chest with a shaky sigh. Tyler’s arms wrapped around you after a moment, and his own nose buried itself in the top of your hair as he gripped you tightly, all but absorbing you into him as you both stood there. You wrapped yourselves around one another for what might be the final time. Shutting your eyes tight, you etched the moment into your memory as best you could.

You inhaled the scent of his shampoo. You felt the texture of his shirt. You tried to hold onto that warm feeling you got when his nose ruffled your hair as he nuzzled you. His arms were strong around your body, and you gripped onto that feeling of safety with an iron clasp in your heart.

“Alright,” You relented weakly, “I’ll go home with you. I’ll…try.”

“Thank-you,” Tyler’s voice was relieved as he held you closer, “Thank-you so much.”

Chapter 22 Chapter Text

DeChutes put down her clipboard as she eyed both you and Tyler for a few moments, debating something in her own mind. You waited next to the singer with baited breath as she crossed her legs before finally delivering your diagnosis to you both:

“Your thread is still strong. I see some tension in a certain point of it, but nothing that should complicate either of you in the long run. Spending ten days was a good call, and I don’t see any further complications happening. From here on out, the emotions should be a little lighter in their load. Your period of closeness is over as well, you’re bonded enough to safely go further distances.”

You sighed in relief. Not that you didn’t love spending time with Tyler at this point, but the idea of showering in private alongside blasting your own embarrassing music was an exciting prospect.

“Now,” DeChutes continued, “Were you both still interested in considering Separation? It might be a bit of a difficult surgery still, but a properly trained specialist should be able to do it.”

Hesitation. You tensed, looking over at Tyler. He shook his head for the both of you after a moment.

“Not right now…no. We decided to see if we could, um, make it work.”

DeChutes seemed surprised, but only a slight widening of her eyes gave it away before she smiled.

“That’s good to hear. Will you be leaving LA together?”

“Yes,” You respond this time, though shakily, “W-We’re um. Going back to Columbus together.”

“Ohio? Sounds fun,” She spoke in the flippant way a doctor makes small talk with their patient before flipping through some paperwork, “Well, if you’d like, I can send you both a follow up email with referrals to local specialists in the Columbus area so you can be aware of your options there. Does that sound good?”

You’re both quiet, before you nod weakly.

“Yeah…just in case.”

***

Tyler had somehow gotten a flight for the next day, mid afternoon and direct with no connections. You were shocked to see him show you the mobile tickets, but you also realized that he was famous. He had money you didn’t. This was probably nothing compared to how eager he was to be in his own home. After cleaning up the apartment to leave it somewhat nice as a thanks to Josh, the both of you gathered up your suitcases and took an Uber to the airport nearby, sitting in silence as not to alert the driver to who exactly you were.

Luckily he didn’t seem to care, driving you to the airport quickly so that the both of you could hurry by security and dip your heads away from any prying eyes.

The flight was safe, and first class was more private than anything you had flown before. You were barely able to process sitting next to Tyler while a flight attendant offered a full complimentary meal during a 4 hour flight. He watched you as you gawked at the luxury, amused by your first experience. The excitement made the flight go by all the faster and, soon, you had landed in Columbus, Ohio and were in another Uber on the way to Tyler Joseph’s home.

And his wife.

You fidgeted the whole way, looking down at the thread connecting you and Tyler and biting your lip. The terror of what you were about to do was back now, and the scenarios ran rampant in your mind as you tried to mentally prepare yourself for each of them. The thought of having to leave Tyler…to go back to your old life was the worst one. To feel an aching emptiness without him. You wondered if Jenna felt the same way as she missed him. You wonder if she was worried he’d choose you over her, too.

Tyler broke your thoughts with a hand on your thigh, rubbing gentle circles to calm you down. You allowed it, putting your hand on top of his after a moment. You gave it a nervous squeeze, and he squeezed your thigh in return, a reassurance that he would be there by your side during the whole process. He’d be the buffer, you assured yourself, and he knew Jenna Joseph better than anyone. Hopefully he could mediate enough to make the experience a little less awkward than how you were imagining it.

“We’re here.” Tyler declared, getting out of the car to open the door to your side as well. The trunk popped open and you both gathered your things, a quick thank-you to the driver was given before he sped away for his next ride, leaving you in front of the Joseph household with sweaty palms and a chest full of fear.

You didn’t dare hold hands as you approached the door. Tyler fished his keys - the keys he had the whole time you were together - from his pocket and slid the house one into the lock. It clicked open and he pushed the door in, letting you into his home with a nervous half-smile. You were too afraid to offer one back in the presence of the home, looking around at the neat decorations with awe. From what you learned about Tyler, well, you knew it was his wife who had decorated for certain. The room was light and happy, warmer than the apartment the both of you had been trapped in for ten days. The change of scenery was so welcome that it almost made you weep.

Until you heard it. Her voice.

“Tyler? Is that you?”

Looking up a flight of stairs near the living room, your jaw tense when you saw her.

She moved like a ghost, ethereal just as her husband was. Her hair, cut short and blonde, bobbed as she hopped down in her long, summery dress. The color brought out the blue in her eyes, a magnetically wonderful color that lit up as she saw her husband for the first time in, you imagined, a while before the tour. These two were angles, you realized in awe, the both of them had no reason to be trapped on Earth like this. You wondered if they met in heaven somehow.

Jenna was in front of the both of you soon enough. Tyler moved forward immediately, scooping her into a hug that she returned with a wide smile and grateful laugh of relief. Tyler relaxed into her arms with near immediacy, the same way he had done for you, and you couldn’t stop the warm smile at their reunion. All of your fears were pushed to the back as the couple simply held one another, relieved that each of them were safe and healthy despite all the worry.

Jenna pulled away from him first, and you imagined if you weren’t there she’d kiss him. Instead her eyes floated over to you and you tensed up under her electric gaze. Despite your fears, though, she gave you no dirty look. She did not immediately glare down at you with disdain. Instead her eyes took you in curiously, and you realized this was the first time the both of you had actually seen one another in person. You swallowed, suddenly nervous about the fact that you were wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants alongside one of Tyler’s shirts that was too big for you. A perfectly comfy plane outfit, but not a great one to meet your soulmate’s wife. You shifted nervously as she approached you.

Her smile was sweet and held no malice, shocking you more. Her hand was held out to you of her own accord and she spoke to you finally:

“You must be Y/N, right? I’m Jenna. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

Hesitantly you took her hand, and her grip was featherlight as you shook it. It was soft. You blushed despite yourself.

“N-Nice to meet you too,” You replied, “Sorry to intrude like this I-.”

“You’re not,” Jenna interrupted honestly, “You were invited here, I promise. How about we all grab a drink and then we can sit down and talk a little?”

She was very good at being gentle. You felt at ease in her presence, and you smiled despite your nervousness and agreed alongside Tyler. Jenna nodded and turned to head into the kitchen. You looked at Tyler in surprise, and he smiled softly back, as if he was thrilled by how the situation was going so far. You smiled nervously in return, a flicker of anxiety jumping in your chest as you followed after Jenna to the spacious kitchen in their home.

She prepared you all a cup of warm chamomile, the three mugs perfectly matching as she put one down in front of you. They were all yellow, with a blue flower pattern decorating the cup of it. A beautiful set, and probably expensive, so you took care in grabbing the hot drink and bringing it to the living room couch, where Jenna put a few coasters on the coffee table so you all could let your tea cool.

“So,” Jenna leaned back on her sofa easily, “I’d like to hear more about you and your guys’ time together! How was it?”

You were surprised at how earnestly she asked. Her eyes focused between you and Tyler as the both of you began to recount the time. You spoke fondly of the things you did inside the apartment together, and Tyler seemed to take on the job of discussing the things that were less than pleasant to both your mental health. At those, Jenna looked with a soft worry to her husband. Whenever he began to dip his head too much, she would use her delicate fingertips to pull his face back to look at her, and he would smile softly as he continued to explain. The gesture made you smile sadly, your own head tilting idly to your fingers as you twiddled them on your lap. Your eyes caught your thread and you pursed your lips, watching it as you lost yourself in your own thoughts for a while.

Then, to your surprise, that same manicured hand reached out to you. You felt Jenna’s fingertips lift your chin up gently under a barely there touch so that you were looking at her. Her eyes searched for yours, a smile of comfort on her lips as she read your expression. Your shoulders also relaxed, your heart slowing. It was just her presence, you realized in awe. Her mere existence gave off so much softness. She didn’t seem weak by any means, no, but she was gentle by nature. Concerned out of instinct, even if you were someone she didn’t know fully.

So you smiled slightly and talked about yourself to her. You shared the same information you did to Tyler when you first met. She asked questions in earnest, fascinated by your stories and smiling and laughing at appropriate times. It didn’t feel as robotic as you thought it should. She wasn’t doing it just to be polite, or to hide a malice she was angry about, she was just…enjoying the moment. Sipping at her tea as she talked with you and Tyler a while longer, the reasoning behind your visit fading away.

You felt…comfortable. Like you were being welcomed into something. Your heart ached at the experience, but Jenna’s laughter overshadowed it. Even more so when Tyler’s joined in with it, the both of them a curious melody you were drawn to with awe.

Soon, though, you ran out of idle chatter and you knew that the next step would be far more painful.

“I um,” You began to her nervously, “Understand if you want us to-”

“Tyler,” Jenna cut you off for a moment as she turned to her husband, “Could you leave me and Y/N alone for a bit? I want to talk with them alone.”

This sparked a slight anxiety in the both of you. Tyler shifted his gaze to yours and held it, curious for your reaction. You swallowed, but gave him a nod, trusting Jenna now that you’ve talked with her more. He then rose from his spot on the couch and hurried off, casting a single look through the living room door before disappearing around it and up the stairs.

The silence overtook you and Jenna for a long moment. You bit your lip as you waited for her response, or for any sign that you were the one to continue the conversation. Instead, Jenna smiled at you and tilted her head slightly, as if observing something amusing.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

You blushed, the redness creeping over your cheeks and warming your ears. You hadn’t thought about it like that, not for a while. To hear her of all people state it as if it were so obvious made a strange shame run down your spine as you averted your gaze from her. Your fists balled themselves up in your lap as you tried to hold back the wave of emotion and tears. You couldn’t, though, not in front of her.

“I do.” You admitted through a crack in your voice, “I really do he…He’s so amazing, I almost feel so…so underachieving when I’m with him. Maybe I am, I don’t know but…I don’t want to come between him and you. I don’t want to stop his happiness I-I…I just…”

The tears fell now, and you cursed yourself for crying in front of her. Wiping the drippage off with the back of your hand, you chewed your lip to get your thoughts together, “I f-feel so selfish ta-taking him from you…after all you di-did for him and I-.”

Jenna reached out again, her hand on top of yours on your lap. You looked up through teary eyes and saw her smile gently at you in reassurance, her brows upturned into a confused look that made you mimic it. She rubbed her thumb on your hand, the same motion Tyler did to you, and it felt just as intimate when she did it. After a moment of calming you down, Jenna pulled away and sipped at her tea, giving you a gesture to your own as well. You picked up the mug shakily and took a sip of the lukewarm beverage, the flavor calming you enough to let out a shaky sigh.

“I understand,” Jenna murmured, “Y/N, I don’t feel like you’re taking him from me at all, is that what you were thinking this whole time?”

Confusion overtook you and your brow furrowed, “Y-but…You…don’t? B-But he told me you and your-”

She shook her head to interrupt you, “I Separated from my soulmate because he wasn’t for me. He…didn’t care about the same things I did, and didn’t like it when I told him that. He wasn’t…a nice man, Y/N, but Tyler? Well, you know first hand what he’s like. And that’s what I fell in love with. For me, a soulmate wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone I could relate to. That I could love. It didn’t work out for me, but I always knew deep down that there was the possibility of Tyler finding his one day.”

The story made you ache. How could someone not love Jenna? You had met her for a couple hours and even you were starting to fall a little. Your eyes softened at her as she explained herself, and you gave a nod at the end of her speech as you ran your hand through your hair with a sigh.

“I really do love him.” You felt like you were admitting it more to yourself than to her, “But I don’t want to make him choose.”

“Then we don’t have to.”

Jenna was serious as she continued, “Y/N, if you both love each other, I’m not going to make you leave. I love him too much for that, too. If it’s something you’d consider, well, you’re welcome to stay with us…and him.”

“You…and me would share him?” You tried to put her words together carefully, making sure you did not misunderstand or offend her with your surprise. She was patient, though, and gave an affirming nod to you.

“I love Tyler,” She hummed, “And I’d do anything to give him all the love in the world. Just because I didn’t stay with my soulmate doesn’t mean either of you don’t have to. It’s up to you both. In the end, I’ll support whatever decision he makes.”

Your tears fell faster now. The release of anxiety was a flash flood as you cried, holding your hand over your mouth to stop blubbering sobs as you realized what her words meant for your future. You could be with him still. The words and the pain you two shared together wouldn’t actually be for nothing. You pictured it now, waking up and having breakfast with him each morning. Kissing him whenever you wanted to. Seeing him happy and sunny and warm unlike the cold that had overtaken you both over the course of the ten days. You wondered what he would look like thriving.

Jenna was giving you that opportunity to find out.

She sat with you a while longer, calming you into a gentle blubber rather than an outright sob. When you caught your breath, she stood to go get Tyler, probably to also fill him in on both of your decisions. You sniffled, rubbing at your now dry eyes as you tried to compose yourself in front of Tyler. When he walked in, you were just finishing up the last round of sniffles that echoed from your runny nose. You looked up as he and Jenna entered, nervous of his reaction to the news she proposed.

But your eyes met his, and all you saw was the sun.

“Tyler,” Jenna prompted with a playful nudge of his hips with her own, “Do you have something to say to Y/N?”

He looked over at Jenna for one final permission, and she gave him a nod of excitement. His eyes shifted over to you, and then he went towards your seat. Out of an instinct you weren’t sure was your own or your bond’s, you stood up. He met you in front of the couch and reached out, his palm resting on your cheek. You leaned into his touch, sighing with relief. He smiled back, a soft chuff leaving his mouth. As if he didn’t believe what was going on. You weren’t sure you did either.

Eventually he leaned down, closing the gap between the both of you in a kiss.

This wasn’t a kiss like the ones you had shared before. This wasn’t something forbidden and out of your control, raging with emotions and pain from the struggles of forming a medical bond. This was something so much more raw and intense. This was the gift at the end of a treacherous journey. The warm home you came to after a storm. You kissed back with as much effort as you could muster, showing him just how much you valued the permission given. Just how much you adored the fact that you were now, finally, his.

The kiss ended far too soon, but you both needed air. The separation was met with a smile between you both, a giggle of delight as your foreheads pressed together for a few seconds, relishing the safety you now had.

When Tyler pulled away, Jenna was waiting patiently. He looked over at her nervously, but relaxed when he saw no genuine malice in her gaze after she had witnessed you kissing him. Instead there was a delighted twinkle in her eye, something soft that smoked with adoration at her husband as she brought him forward and gave him a kiss of her own, which he happily returned. You watched them kiss, and something about it warmed you. She did love him, you realized with a soft smile, and she deserved every moment of it just as much as you did.

“Would you like to stay for dinner, Y/N?” Jenna offered once they were done kissing.

“Well we didn’t exactly book me a hotel.” You chuckled awkwardly back.

Jenna smiled fondly, “Then you can stay the night, too.”

Chapter 23 Chapter Text

Dinner went well. You and Jenna spent time together cooking while Tyler caught up on work emails and other band-related things. The both of you were cutting vegetables and peeling potatoes for the evening’s meal, idly chatting about hobbies and interests. You learned you both shared a passion for the arts, and that Jenna wanted a big family one day. You hadn’t considered the possibility of children, the life you led aimed more towards your own survival than others, but with the life she and Tyler lived, you were sure it’d be possible.

“So,” Jenna eventually hummed as you hung with her as the meal boiled away on the stove. Chicken with roasted potatoes and steamed veggies. The scent of the spices made your mouth water, but you focused on her as she continued with a playful expression, “Do you want Tyler to sleep with you tonight?”

You blushed at her words and smiled, waving up your hand, “No, no, it’s alright, Jenna. I’ve had to be in a room with him for ten days, I’m sure you miss him so if you want him to spend the night with you I totally-.”

“Y/N,” Jenna repeated, “Do you want to sleep with him?”

Registering her meaning, your cheeks blossomed with red and your hands threw themselves up to cover your face. The action made her laugh as you inhaled sharply and put your hands down from your eyes, but left them covering your cheeks as you stared at her in shock. “Wh-I- Y-You’d be okay with that!? So soon!?”

Jenna shrugged as she opened the lid on a pot of creamy sauce to stir it, “Trust me, Tyler’s libido is more than enough to handle us both. Sometimes he tires me out, honestly, so it’ll be good to have someone to tag in with me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way she put it, and your laughter made her laugh as well. The two of you grinned at one another before you cleared your throat and shrugged awkwardly.

“I don’t know,” You admit, “I…want to, I think, but it’s been a while and I…I don’t know, it’s so intimate when we put it like this. It’ll be the first time, and we’re solidly soulmates and…”

Worry filled you as you thought about it more. What if you weren’t enough for him, or you didn’t do something the way Jenna did? Would he compare the both of you? Would he go to her if you couldn’t keep his interest, leaving you behind when he realized you weren’t any good or that experienced? You weren’t a virgin, but it had been a while since your last had a man home. Sure you and Tyler had your…passionate moments alone in the apartment, but you hadn’t gone so far as to touch him willingly. You had seen his dick, but you hadn’t had it in you. Not in the intimate way you were talking with Jenna about.

“Hey,” Jenna whispered to you, “You’re overthinking it. I promise you, if you two want to go for it, you should. I know Tyler in every way, and so should you.”

“Have you always been open about things like this?” You wondered, not out of accusation but out of curiosity.

Jenna shrugged, “Love is situational. People say we can only love one other person in life, but, people are fluid. In the end, I want Tyler to be happy and I want to be happy with him. I think that’s what’s most important.”

She spoke with assurance in herself. As if she had everything figured out. You appreciated it, honestly, and you could understand why you and Tyler had such trouble coming to decisions together at times. Jenna would likely be the decision maker still, even if you moved into their lives.

Tyler entered the room then, seeing you and Jenna talking, and smiled at the both of you. He scooped you up in a hug and kissed your forehead before doing the same to Jenna, unable to keep his hands off either of you. It was cute, how eager he was to see you both. How happy he was to see you were getting along. The worries of your previous ten days dissipated, and your fears seemed long gone from the past. A satisfying ending that had you feeling…safe. Arguably for the first time in your life. As Jenna finished up dinner and Tyler began to help plate, making little jokes as he did so and causing her to laugh, you smiled.

The three of you soon were at the table, munching eagerly on the home cooked meal in front of you. Days of pancakes, cereal, and microwave mac ‘n cheese made the simple food taste like the finest restaurant food. You and Tyler matched each other’s speed in all but inhaling the food, while Jenna watched the two of you bemused and slow in her own consumption. When the both of you were finished, you remained at the table, simply talking. Simply laughing. Enjoying that sweet warmth.

Eventually the sun set and the darkness overcame the sky. Jenna yawned as she put the final dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. You had scrubbed down the table of any excess crumbs in return, and Tyler made sure to take out the trash and sweep. Once you were all gathered together in the kitchen again, Jenna leaned forward to kiss Tyler’s head gently.

“I’m going to go to bed. You two stay up if you need to, love you.”

“Love you too.” Tyler returned with a dreamy smile as she left, giving you a gentle hand squeeze on her way out.

You and Tyler watched one another for a long moment, registering the adventure you had gone through together. You smiled at him, happy for once in your meeting. He smiled back, equally content.

“I’m glad it ended up like this.” You admitted in a whisper.

“Me too.” He returned, before blushing slightly more, “Um…Jenna told me that you…wanted to. Sleep together.”

You flushed back, “O-Oh um…Y-Yeah, I do! I really do but um, if you don’t want to or you’re too exhausted right now I get it we can always wait and-”

Tyler kissed you again, but this time it was something more heated. More desperate and clingy than he had been before as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you hard into his chest, making yours press to his as he did so. You squeaked in surprise, hands flying up to rest on his shoulders, but soon you relaxed into his kiss eagerly. His mouth worked against yours, hungry for your taste as his tongue lapped at your closed bottom lip with a needy whine. You smiled into the kiss as you opened your mouth in return, allowing him to push his tongue in and finally get a taste of you. He was flavored like the Dr. Pepper he had been drinking during dinner. You could feel it fizz on your tongue as he moaned into your mouth.

When the both of you pulled away, he gasped and you blushed. His gaze was blown wide and hazed with a lusty neediness that instantly made a wetness pool between your legs. You bit your lip to hide your eager, giddy feeling that he without a doubt knew existed in your stomach.

He held out his hand and you took it. Soon he was leading you up the stairs of his home.

Chapter 24 Summary:

This chapter is just sex, you can skip it if you don't care about that kind of stuff

Chapter Text

He led you to the guest bedroom. The closed door to the main one indicated where Jenna had gone to sleep. You only had a chance to glance at it before Tyler pulled you into the other room and shut the door behind you both, flipping on the light switch shortly after. You laughed as he pulled you along to the bed like an eager puppy, but you bit your lip when you were thrown on the bed and he hovered over you with your thighs on either side of his legs. Your throat went dry as you recognized the way he looked at you.

Lust blew his pupils wide, almost covering the warm brown of his irises. His hair was floppy, dipping slightly on his forehead as he gazed down at you. His breath was rising and falling rapidly. You weren’t sure if his arms were shaking from nerves or the effort of holding his body up, and you bit your lip nervously as the situation caught up with you. You two were finally going to do this.

“Are you sure?” Tyler asked, his voice such a soft tone that it sounded like wind chimes, “We can stop anytime if you need.”

You nodded at him in understanding, “I’m okay, I promise….Please…”

You reached out for him, hands on either side of his face and pulling him downwards to you. He moved willingly in your soft grasp, allowing your lips to meet together once more in a tender kiss. This one had just as much lust in it as the last, and with the new position he was able to grab at your hips and squeeze them through your sweatpants, pulling them upwards towards his in a way that made you gasp and moan into his waiting mouth. His tongue returned to its exploration, still fizzing on your own as he dragged your hips more and more to grind against him at a slow, steady pace.

With each touch of your hips you could feel him growing through the fabric as the friction aroused him just as much as it did you. The both of you remained like that for a while. Taking your time, kissing as much as you could without coming up for air. All but consuming one another’s lips as breathy moans and whimpers filled the air from both of your mouths. Your hands snuck around Tyler’s shoulders, wrapping him close and pulling him near you again, begging for his body in the best way you could without words.

He seemed to understand, because soon he pulled your lips apart with a heady gasp and sat up between your legs. His hands trailed under the shirt you were wearing, admiring the loose fit of it on your torso. His hot fingertips pressed into your stomach, making you shiver in anticipation as he inched it up your body. Sitting up a bit yourself, you were able to let him slide the whole thing off, revealing your naked chest to him as he tossed the offending item to the floor without looking over to where it went. His gaze was hyperfocused on you as you breathed, recovering from the kiss. You watched as his tongue poked out to lick at his lips, and his lust blown eyes made you blush as you averted your own gaze.

He didn’t seem to mind the tilt of your head, using it as an excuse to lean down once more and place tender kisses to the now exposed skin of your neck. His fingertips trailed down your bare sides, pressing and testing the give of your tender skin. You moaned as his mouth laved over your jugular, teeth scraping along the expanse before sucking and licking along your jawline. You felt him move up to your ear and his breaths were ragged as he pressed his still clothed chest to your own.

“You’re so gorgeous.” He breathed, honesty hard in his tone. It was as if he was saying it like a prayer. As if your body was something worth worshiping to him. You blushed under his attention, squirming and reaching out to tug at his shirt with a whine. Your words were caught in your throat, desperate to feel all of him at long last. To take your time with him just as he was with you.

Getting the message, Tyler sat up once more and moved to throw his shirt off. It joined yours on the ground, and you were able to stare at his chest. This time, you were taking your time with him, too.

You sat up on your elbows and he leaned down to meet you. Your fingertips trailed along his collar bone and to the tattoos littering his chest, tracing each one gently and watching the goosebumps rise on his skin as you did so. Leaning forward, you gave attention to his neck and collar just as he did to yours, kissing and nibbling on the flesh. He moaned and gasped as your tongue worshiped his body, leaning into each touch you gave him with a whimper crawling out of his throat. His noises were adorable, you decided, and you wanted to hear every sound he could make.

“Y/N…P-Please…can I…” He spoke desperately as his hand trailed to your sweatpants, tugging gently out of permission.

“Y-Yes, God, yes.” You gave your permission with enthusiasm, and he wasted no time in peeling your underwear and pants off of your body, leaving you bare before him.

Tyler’s breath caught in his throat as he observed all of you, his pupils dilated with fascination as his fingertips traced your stomach and down to your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palm and making you shiver. He massaged your bare thigh for a while, simply watching you as you spread your legs and displayed your wetness to him with a needy whine. His other hand reached down to drag his index finger over your folds, making you gasp out as he gathered the slick on his fingertip, feeling the stickiness.

He wasted no time after that, his mind blown with lust as he dipped down and settled neatly between your thighs. Your face heated up, red from cheeks to ears as you remained on your elbow. You looked down at him as he let his cheek rest on the inner part of your thigh. His warm breath ghosted over your core and you shivered, reaching out to pet the tousled top of his hair. As you ran your fingers through his locks, he gazed up at you with such an adoring look that you thought you might cry.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You whispered, unsure of his motives or his wants, not asking him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with.

Tyler responded with a smirk tugging on his lips. He leaned down now and you felt his tongue as it ran the length of your folds, making you gasp at the new sensation. You fell backwards, laying down with your head on the pillows set up on the bed. They were soft and fluffy, the warmth of them consuming you as Tyler’s mouth teased you for a few more moments before his tongue flicked at your cl*t.

You keened at the sensation of him pressing his tongue flat against your nub, rolling it with just the right amount of pressure to make your stomach churn in delight. One of your hands reached down to grab a fistful of his hair, which only seemed to spur him on further as he alternated between fast, short licks and sucking on your cl*t. The sensation was overwhelming, better than anyone else had given you. Sparks flew in your core, and you struggled to keep your legs apart so you wouldn’t crush his head between your thighs.

His tongue slipped past your folds, wiggling deep inside of you before moving languidly. He tasted you as if you were his last meal, drinking in your moans and gasps as you arched your back, desperate for more friction on his tongue. Desperate to feel him as his hands wrapped around your legs and pulled you down closer to his mouth. As his tongue worked your insides, his nose bumped your cl*t and he hummed into your core. The vibrations made you gasp, keening deep into his touch as you moaned his name like it was the last thing you would say.

You came before you could warn him. One lick through your folds and then a kiss to your cl*t had you all but coating his face with your cum. He didn’t move, though, instead working you through your org*sm and drinking up whatever he could of your release as if he was a man starved.

When you finally finished, he sat up to watch your chest heave with your breaths. His mouth was coated with you, wet and shining in the light. You blushed up at him, and he smiled crookedly as you did so, the both of you laughing breathlessly as you adjusted yourself slightly.

“S-Sorry.” You apologized, gesturing to his face.

“Trust me,” He licked his lips, “You don’t have to apologize.”

You laughed again, and he brought his lips down to yours for another kiss. You tasted yourself in his mouth, and it only felt a little bit weird for you. You didn’t have much of a chance to think, though, not as his fingertips were sliding through your folds again, playing with the wetness down there and admiring the sounds that it pulled from your oversensitive lips. “Y/N,” He murmured, “Do you want to…”

“I do.” You confirmed again, leaning up to kiss him once more with a warmth in your gaze, “Please, Tyler, stop asking.”

He laughed at your response and you grinned as he sat up, taking a second to wiggle out of his own pants and boxers in one motion. His co*ck sprang free, red and leaking at the tip. It pulsated with hungry desperation as you admired it against his stomach. You had seen it before, certainly, but this situation was far more intimate than any mistake you made in the apartment before. You were now able to take your time. To look at him properly and, oh, was he gorgeous.

You reached out despite yourself, touching the co*ck and feeling it throb in your hand. Tyler’s voice pitched up into a needy whine as he bucked his hips in your hand, a soft plea falling as you began to stroke up slowly. You were simply enjoying him, just as he had done to you, admiring the way the entire thing twitched when you rubbed your thumb on the underside of his head, pulling gently and watching the precum leak and dribble onto the bed below. The vein under it was a perfect addition as it made your hand all the warmer. You longed to put your lips around it and return the favor he had done for you.

Tyler had other ideas, however, as he pushed you back and overed over you once more with a heavy breath. His lips ghosted your neck again, and his co*ck was hard on your thigh as the both of you laid there for a moment in silence. One hand reached up to pet his hair gently, reassuring him that you were there. That you were ready.

He responded by lifting his right hand up. The thread sparkled on the tip of his finger, and you had almost forgotten it was there. You held your own hand up in surprise and watched the shimmering thing as it connected the both of you with a pulsating energy. His fingertips brushed your own, the sparks of your threads connecting, sending a jolt up your spine not unlike the faithful night you had met him.

You kissed his forehead, pressing it to your own.

“I love you.” You admitted in a whisper, and he inhaled sharply before nodding his own affirmation.

“I love you too.”

After a few more moments of simply laying there, neither of you were unable to take it anymore. His co*ck lined up with your dripping core, he pushed forward to sheath himself in you inch by inch. You moaned at the way he filled you, the sensation of his throbbing heat intense. The slick of your previous org*sm made it easy for him to reach the hilt, pressing your hips together tightly as he moaned into you, holding you tighter to him. One hand found yours, wrapping your fingers together and holding it tight. It was his only anchor to reality, and yours too.

A few seconds passed before he started to move. He was slow at first, testing the waters with you and your preferences. Each slow drag of his co*ck in and out of you had you mewling and arching your back, desperate for more friction. Your hips canted up after a while, impatiently attempting to get him to move faster as he took his time. He moaned at the feeling, grinding back down into you a few more times. Was he teasing you!? You opened your eyes to see his gaze focused on your face, that silly little smirk back on his lips confirming your suspicions. You pouted up at him, and clenched yourself intentionally around his dick in defiance. He moaned, dropping his head with a gasp, and took it as permission to go faster.

Soon he was pounding into you, his dick pressing in and out at a rapid pace as you lay beneath him. You moaned at the feeling, consuming each iota of pleasure as your eyes screwed shut and you whimpered with your lower lip in your teeth. Tyler held your hand tight as he continued, dragging himself in and out of you, kissing each perfect point in your body as he did so. You gasped his name as he continued, your legs falling open to allow him a better reach. As he hit the spot inside of you that made you see stars, you all but screamed out his name as you arched your back, desperate to get him to hit it again.

He did. Over and over and over again until tears welled in your eyes and you were a flustered mess. You let them fall, pleasure overcoming you as he leaned down and kissed your neck once more, a long series of adoring smooches pressed into your sweaty body as he continued his movements. His own breath grew heavy, desperate, and he gasped as he asked his next question:

“C-Can I…can I….Please…Inside of you…Y/N…”

You couldn’t resist his sweet begging and kind words. You were on the pill, and it wouldn’t have mattered in the haze of your mind as you offered your permission in a keening ‘yes!’ that had your eyes rolling in the back of your head as he sucked a mark onto your neck and moaned into your salty skin.

A few moments later Tyler’s thrusts grew sloppy and rapid. The endless pounding made you clench around him as you came, the buildup exploding like a dam within you. You all but soaked the sheets, gushing around his co*ck. It seemed to be the signal for him as well, and with a groan of adoration he stilled inside of you, his dick throbbing as he spilled himself into your body.

He never let go of your hand.

The both of you lay there, Tyler’s weight on your body as he collapsed down onto you, breathing heavily through the blissful throws of your org*sms.

Your hand not occupied by his own reach up to pet his hair, feeling the soft locks that stuck to him with sweat. You inhaled the scent of his musk and felt him soften within you as his breathing matched your own in perfect unison. Your eyes shut as you leaned back, exhaling shakily and smiling softly. Tears still wet your cheeks, causing you to sniffle as it built up mucus in your nose. The noise alerted Tyler from his blissful haze, making him look up at you with a furrowed brow of worry.

“Are you crying?” He whispered, terror in his voice as he feared a mistake.

“Y-Yeah,” You laughed with another sniffle, “But it’s because I’m…happy, not sad.”

Tyler laughed, “So weird…Happy tears for once.”

“Yeah.” You agreed, your body too tired to offer too much of an explanation. You know you didn’t need to, though. You knew the pains you and Tyler had been through. You understood the trials and tribulations. Yet, as the both of you rested together on that bed, none of it mattered anymore. Not as the security of love and acceptance finally blanketed you in a warm embrace not unlike what your lover was doing at that moment. You held him close in a hug, burying your face against him as he returned it tightly.

“I love you.” He whispered again, as if you hadn’t heard it before. You didn’t mind, though, and only brought him closer to you.

“I love you too, Ty.”

Sleep overtook the both of you soon after, and you held one another tight in your arms as the world seemed to stand still just for you.

Chapter 25 Summary:

This is the epilogue, thanks for reading if you got this far!

Chapter Text

You woke up to the smell of bacon. You rubbed the blurriness from your eyes as you squinted at the clock on the nightstand. 11 am, you realized with surprise. You usually woke up with Tyler or Jenna when they got up, but the fact that they let you sleep in on your day off made you smile with appreciation. Sitting up, you stretched your arms and curled your toes to prepare yourself to get fully out of bed and toddle down to the kitchen.

You wore your slippers and a silken robe, but you weren’t sure if it was Jenna’s or your own. It didn’t matter anymore, you supposed, since she had taken your clothes enough times for it to be fair. You entered the kitchen with a long yawn, the scent of food drawing you closer as you peeked around the corner curiously. The sight that greeted you made you smile.

Tyler stood at the stovetop, flipping pieces of bacon in a sizzling pan while a pile of pancakes stacked themselves neatly on a plate to the side. Enough for all three of you. Sensing your presence, he turned and grinned at the sight of you. You smiled back, approaching him as you did so. Your lips landed on his in a soft, caring kiss. He returned it eagerly, smiling against your mouth as he did so.

“Morning sleepyhead,” He greeted playfully, “Ready for pancakes?”

“As long as you don’t burn the bacon again.” You teased him back.

“It was one time and that wasn’t my fault!” He defended himself with no real malice in his tone, just a playful jab back that made you laugh as you pushed his shoulder. Moving around him, you grabbed a cup from the cupboard and prepared a K-cup to make yourself a coffee. The sound of someone else entering made both you and Tyler look up. Jenna was already dressed neatly in jeans and a loose plaid shirt. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, and she greeted Tyler with a kiss similar to your own.

She came to you next, and you grinned expectantly. She laughed as she leaned forward, offering a kiss to you as well. You accepted it eagerly before she pulled away to reach for her own mug, opting to put the electric kettle on for tea rather than coffee.

“Sleep well?” Jenna asked you with a smile, “You stayed up late last night.”

“I was writing.” You shrugged, “The inspiration hits when it hits.”

“Amen.” Tyler declared in the background, and Jenna rolled her eyes at the both of you.

“We have to go grocery shopping today,” Jenna stated, “Want to come with me, Y/N?”

“Love to.” You agreed, reaching out and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Jenna smiled and you looked down at your hand on hers, the matching wedding bands the both of you wore a testament to how far your relationship had come. Tyler had one of his own, of course, the three of you had gone out to choose them personally. Though your relationship with the married couple garnered plenty of attention at first, the years that passed had helped you to settle into this new life you had.

“Why can’t I come?” Tyler teased as he set the food down on the kitchen counter, offering you a piece of bacon. You bit into it from his grip and didn’t bother to take the piece into your own hands.

“You have an interview with Josh to go to,” You declared, “That’s why.”

“Boo.” Tyler pouted.

“You’d rather go grocery shopping than talk about your band?” You raised an eyebrow, “That’s like your favorite thing to do.”

Tyler walked over to you and Jenna, wrapped one arm around each of you ,and placed his head between the two of you with a cheesy smooch to each of your cheeks, “My favorite thing to do is be here with the both of you.”

You laughed, and so did Jenna. Soon he moved and began to plate your food. You watched Jenna sip her tea and talk with him idly about plans for the week. As the two of them interacted, you couldn’t help the smile that spread on your lips as you looked down at your wedding band, sparkling a neat platinum on your finger. A reminder of where you had been. Where you were now.

In the end, you were home.

Tear In My Heart (We're Tearing Apart) - Smither33ns (2024)

Chapter 1

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Chapter 2

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Chapter 3

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Chapter 4

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Chapter 5

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Chapter 6

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Chapter 7

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Chapter 8

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Chapter 9

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Chapter 10

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Chapter 11

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Chapter 12

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Chapter 13

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Chapter 14

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Chapter 15

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Chapter 16

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Chapter 17

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Chapter 18

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Chapter 19

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Chapter 20

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Chapter 21

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Chapter 22

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Chapter 23

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Chapter 24

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Chapter 25

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